Ilana Shoval

Changes in Life: It doesn't matter whether we want the change or not or whether it took us by surprise or not - it's still going to feel scary and stressful for a while. We are the only ones who decide whether the change turns into a crisis that breaks us, or whether it will push us towards new horizons of personal growth

Fear of Change: We all know that life is about changing and moving on. However, many of us find it difficult to accept, and very rarely do we welcome these changes. Even when we know changes are inevitable, we resist them, avoid them, try to hold onto the past, and all too often fail to see the advantages and the great opportunities beyond them.  

Changing Our Lives: Once people eliminate intolerable parts of their lives, they can free the energy necessary to begin envisioning their lives, or they can devote themselves to new endeavors.

Life Coaching: Life coaching is not about dealing with our problems, but more about asking what we want and how we can get it. Once we get what we want - our problems dissolve on their own accord.  

Being Lucky: Lucky people get lucky because they concentrate on what can be done. This is certainly more productive than the alternative of complaining about what can't be changed.

Top Achievers: Top achievers know that in order to reach their goals, the brain must know exactly what they are trying to accomplish. Therefore they never use vague words like “some”, “a little bit”, or “more”. You want a change? Be specific. Your brain can help you accomplish almost anything, if it knows precisely what you want.

Reachable Goals: A reachable goal is one you really want. It’s something that will change your life, enhance your health or wealth, and make you proud. It gets you up in the morning, and keeps you going all day long. So set goals that are worth achieving.

Happiness: A brand new car, a luxurious house or the prettiest girlfriend can make us happy for a while, but eventually it will wear off. Doing what is right for us, surrounding ourselves with people who love and care for us and taking good care of our health and well being - that can contribute to happiness levels that will last us a lifetime.

Happiness and Old Age: You shouldn't count on happiness arriving by itself when you get older. I know many people in their 50's and 60's who still haven't reached their peak of wellbeing. Although aging is guaranteed, wising up is not.  

Passion: Having passion for what we do or want in our lives, motivates us to move ahead, create new things and achieve new goals. When we have passion, our lives seem to matter. The things we do feel important and our entire existence becomes meaningful.  

Hard Work: Hard work is a modern concept, and is still highly appreciated in most work places. Our society regards work as a source of self definition, which is supposed to bring us pride and financial benefits. No wonder so many people enslave themselves to their jobs, even when the burden and personal price is too high.

Career: Your job is not you, neither is your role nor your profession. It is merely something you do. If there's no fun in it anymore, even after you have relieved some of the workload, maybe it's not worth all the benefits. Life is too short to waste on doing things that wear you down.

Work Abuse: Sometimes when we hear about someone claiming they are being victimized at work, we wonder if he or she isn't perhaps doing something to attract these vicious attacks. Research shows that victims are far from being weak or trouble makers. On the contrary: they are often the most capable workers; ones who refuse to give in to authoritarian  behavior.

Work Abuse: Being abused at work can be the result of enslaving ourselves to an organization's needs and hours, instead of to ourselves and our lives. This in itself is toxic to our vitality, happiness, and mental and physical wellbeing.  

New Venture: When you start building your business, don't think only about the money you are going to make from your new venture, idea or creation. Think about the contribution you are going to make to your future customer's lives.

Rejection: There will always be people who will say "no", and tell you your idea is ridiculous, ineffective, unnecessary and other such criticism. Don't let them discourage you. Just go on to the next person. Eventually you will find the people who say "yes" - what a great idea!

Knowledge: Knowledge is power. Never be too shy or ashamed to ask what you don't know. We live in a world full of information resources. All you have to do is reach out and take it. Remember: those who know everything - learn nothing.  

Encouragement: Make sure you encourage and appreciate people who work for you, help you on your way or support you in what you do. Remember: saying "thank you" is free of charge but always worth a fortune!

When was the last time you felt happy? Most people will tell you they aren't sure. Yes, we remember times of joy, satisfaction and great pleasure but were we happy too? How can we tell? After all it was for such a short time or so long ago, wasn't it?

The truth is, very few of us really know what happiness feels like. Some of us think it is a sense of excitement over something, some believe it means enjoying a good meal, the company of someone we like, a nice trip abroad or a brand new car. Others believe it's just a sense of contentment. But who really knows?

The notion of happiness is so vague and confusing that many people doubt it exists at all. "Happiness is a good bank account, a good cook and good digestion", said Jean Jacques Rousseau, a French philosopher who lived in the 18th century. More than a century later, Albert Schweitzer, a German physician and Nobel Prize winner didn't have a much better description of our ability to be happy. "Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory", he concluded.

"Happiness does exist, but so many times we fail to identify it for what it really is", says Esther Shoval, life coach and a therapist. "Happiness is aspiring to have a healthy state of mind. The trouble is that we identify happiness with pleasure, which is a completely different thing. And pleasure is definitely overrated. Pleasure is what we experience when we get a new car, eat a great meal or wear beautiful new clothes. These elated feeling we experience are usually short-lived and therefore disappointing. Once these feeling subside, we look for the next thing to make us feel this pleasurable sensation again. Happiness, on the other hand, is not short lived. Actually, once we understand what it takes to be happy, it stays with us for the rest of our lives".

So, how do we become happy? "We can apply three basic components to our lives", says Shoval: "Peace of mind, a passion for what we choose to do, and self acceptance. Once we learn how to bring these three traits into our lives, we are bound to experience long-lasting happiness.

Here is what it takes:

Develop your peace of mind: Peace of mind is the result of developing a positive perspective towards the future, with anticipation rather then fear and anxiety. This doesn't mean we have to be optimistic all the time but we'd better learn to relax, to trust ourselves and the universe, and not get worried and focused on the outcome or the future.

Develop your passion: Having passion for what we do or want in our lives motivates us to move ahead, to create new things and to achieve new goals. When we have passion, our lives seem to matter. The things we do feel important and our entire existence becomes meaningful.

Develop your ability to accept yourself and others: In order to experience true happiness, we must learn to accept ourselves and others as we are, without judgment. It is also important to learn to be compassionate and loving toward ourselves and others.

Once we develop these three traits and learn to master them, learning to bring peace of mind, passion, and acceptance of ourselves for who we are into our lives, our road to happiness is open.

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elana@life-coach-magazine.com