WILL THEY FIND OUT? (Or do they already know?)

WILL THEY FIND OUT? (Or do they know?)
I sit here today a relatively content man. That is the result of a journey to change that I found the courage to start some 15 years ago.

Today, the constant worry about will they find out or even worse, do they already know is gone. What a relief!
What's this all about? Is he talking about me because I can understand the question and relate.
I'm glad to see issues about mental health more out of the closet than ever before and very well known personalities sharing their own experiences. A large portion of the population is/will or has suffered from poor mental health in their lives. Facing it is tough and dealing with it even braver. Do others know already or I'm terrified and full of fear others will find out and think less of me. If you understand what I'm talking about then don't be afraid, face your mental health issues head on.

I was blessed with a very good career (it has well prepared me for the work with others I now do), reasonably good health, above normal intelligence (although some may question this), a good family, a good education, healthy children, friends and much more. Today I am able to be grateful for my blessings.
Along the road many things happened. I lost my self-esteem and with it my ability to really love. Depression, at times fell over me; there was a black cloud over my head. I used and abused substances and people to make myself feel better. I lied to others and embellished my accomplishments to impress. I felt lost and alone, even in a crowd. I never felt good enough and tried to impress. I had periods of inertia, I was afraid to try things. I was at times devoid of real emotion; I felt empty. And all of this while appearing successful and always wondering will "they" find out?
Today I can appreciate how poor my mental health really was. Was I nuts or psycho! No. Was I NOT living an abundant and happy life? Absolutely!

Earlier I mentioned I found the courage to change. The courage was within me all along. It took reaching out and accepting the help of others to find the courage. It took help from those who had walked in my shoes, new my path and had the training and experience to help me to take the action I needed to, to get my life turned around. I had to learn the daily practise of good mental hygiene.
I appreciate and understand today the downward trip I took. I have faced and accepted what happened. For me, it is my history and from history we learn. I do not live my past, but do not forget its teachings.
Will they find out? Today I don't care. I can talk openly about what it was like. Do they know? I came to learn that many close to me were aware, and from some of my behaviours, many suspected but to most of them, they didn't care. Something I found inside of me cared, and gave me the courage to major action and change. So many of my fears disappeared!

In the early stages I needed much help, and in confidence, to begin to make the changes. I was blessed to find good help, and today try to provide it to others.
Eventually I was able to move into much more public forums and could publically admit, when necessary, my issues. Fear left, I was free to grow.

Depression today is very infrequent, I do not use or abuse mood altering substances and people to gain pleasure and escape daily reality. The sun shines. I am honest and a conscious contributing member of society free of secrets, guilt and constant shame. I am humble and grateful, the false pride is gone and I can be honest. I have regained love and respect for me, and because of that I can love and respect others. What a change.
This process of life recovery was co-created. I was part of the co-creation, but it took that thing that was always inside of me (I had learned to block it out) and great people, particularly my wife and family, to create a journey; my journey to hope and serenity.

Today, my life is focused on helping others who can relate to where I've been, and are prepared to move forward on their own journey. I love to be of service by sharing what I've learned. (hopeserenity.ca -coached to success).