Why Should We Create Existential Relationships?

In existential terms, for us to transcend dysfunction, we must accept the anxiety generated by the awareness of the nature of existence as inherent to our lives and learn to live with it as authentically as possible. The authentic self, which is both grounded in and aware of its transient nature, brings a conscious appreciation for the responsibility we have over our own lives. A healthy individual is authentic and genuine to oneself, which takes courage and determination because of the need to adjust to the anxieties in our lives. Therefore, the transcendence of anxiety is possible only through accepting who we really are as well as being aware of the fallacious, self-created fabrications that allow us to function in our daily lives. The most important kind of freedom is to be what you truly are.

For us to successfully undergo a beneficial process of change, an early focus must be placed on building strong, trusting, therapeutic relationships with others so as to establish a clear therapeutic context. These successional relationships, and therapeutic experiences in general, should be thought of as a sequence of existential encounters based in trust and authenticity. Our roles are to be active participants who are struggling with choices but recognize our own freedom. The goal of the relationship is to assist us encounter our own reality with the intent of exploring as well as understanding our respective values, assumptions and ideals. These relationships should be concerned with engaging what is most important to the us, being sure to not to impose any judgments or biases on one another, so that we can interpret and enhance our own perspective. Ultimately, the relationship should value the meaning which we create and endeavor to help our respective process of change towards an authentic life.

The core existential life themes which best facility change in an us are relationships, understanding, and flexibility. These are associated with the three stages of change in a person. The first stage is characterized by anxiety, and so solid relationships must be built. The second stage is marked by our willingness to conduct a deeper exploration of self-experiencing and personal responsibility. The third stage is typical of creativity in that we realize a stronger sense of meaning and purpose and begin to engage with the world whilst fully aware of the givens in life. Some of us may, however, try and resist this process of change by using evasion or self-protection strategies stemming from a desire to stay with the safe and familiar.

Existential change is focused on immediate subjective experience. The people in a therapeutic relationship exist in both the context of the world as well as one another; we are connected, interrelated, and mutually existing with one another, each struggling with the notion of existence, sharing in a joint enterprise of what it is to be human. There is a responsibility to be aware of our own biases and prejudices, being able to set aside preconceptions and encounter the other's world with an open mind. The existential relationship has a goal of specifically recognizing the underlying life themes of each person with a lucidity that we may not yet be aware of.

This therapeutic alliance can be developed through reflective listening, demonstrating respect, honesty, and openness; eliciting trust and confidence. The focus here is on the substantial and perpetual illusory nature of the self-construct, on the mutuality of relationships, and on the interconnectedness us with our social and physical environment. Furthermore, freedom of choice and potential for meaningful change may be deepened by a focus on our current decision to participate in the existential relationship. We can offer suggestions for strategic questions or paradoxical intentions such as, “What might be accomplished by this relationship that would help us live better” or “You now face the choice of how to participate in your other relationships,” so that expectations and goals can be articulated.

Obviously, existential relationships are very active in challenging and encouraging us without providing specific solutions to issues. The personal philosophies of the people involved must be congruent with a willingness to pay close attention to nonverbal behaviors, a tendency to engage in a genuine and authentic fashion, and an ability to increase our awareness of death.

In existential relationships we must be aware of and sensitivity to teachable or therapeutic moments, in the anticipation that any intervention which helps us gain self-awareness could be utilized. Focus should be on developing the our attention toward the world rather than internal processes so as to lessen our self-absorption. Moreover, goal setting activities should be oriented toward the notion of setting ourselves free.

Existential relationships emphasize the uniqueness of each of us and, as such, are beneficial in multicultural situations, particularly for relationships with women and people of differing cultures. Our consciousness and perceptions, which operate dialectically, are laden with our cultural values. Existential relationships help connect us to universal problems faced by mankind, such as the search for peace and the absence of caring. Furthermore, as humans who are existentially alert to possibilities and potentialities, it is our responsibility to increase cultural blessings and decrease cultural burdens, thereby celebrating rather than pathologizing cultural differences. However, this approach to a relationship is difficult to implement because of it's subjective nature and emphasis on individualism rather than collectivism.

Existential relationships emphasize several propositions, including the notion that all people have the capacity for self-awareness and, as free beings, everyone must accept the responsibility that comes with freedom. Furthermore, each person has a unique identity that can only be known through relationships with others and the meaning of life as well as existence is never fixed. Additionally, anxiety is considered part of the human condition and death is a basic human condition that gives significance to life.

By seeking meaning in life through the four ultimate concerns of death, freedom, isolation, and meaninglessness, existential relationships promote authentic living, self-awareness, and self-acceptance. If we think of relationships as existential encounters focused on the present which are flexible in approach, we can help a wide range of people understand that human beings are believed to be creatures of continual change and transformation. To paraphrase Jim Morrison, if we expose ourselves to our deepest fears, then fear has no power, and the fear of freedom shrinks and vanishes.