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Articles from Barry and Joyce Vissell | Selfgrowth.com
- "Workaholism: A Growing Problem" - by Submitted on Mar 01, 2019 from Barry and Joyce VissellIn a couple’s counseling session, Dolores accused her husband, Perry, of workaholism. His immediate response was, “Yes, I’m a workaholic.” Joyce and I were surprised at the actual pride revealed in his voice. He continued, “I’m a creative man, an entrepreneur. I thrive on juggling many ...
Views: 845 - "The Gift of Rejection" - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2019 from Barry and Joyce VissellRejection can hurt. Perhaps a person can be rejected by a friend, partner, boss, sibling, parent, co-worker, someone you work out with at the gym, or even your grown child. Scientists are discovering that the hurt of rejection can be actually recorded within your body. My first memory of ...
Views: 723 - "The 3 Stages of Life" - by Submitted on Jan 18, 2019 from Barry and Joyce VissellJoyce and I love watching our two-year-old grandson, Owen, just as much as we love spending time with our first grandson, almost eight-year-old Skye. When they were new babies, their dependence was obvious. Because Owen is younger, I will use him as an example. He would not have survived for ...
Views: 829 - "The Joy of a Long Love" - by Submitted on Dec 05, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellDecember 21, 2018 is our 50th wedding anniversary. We got married during a snow storm in Buffalo, New York at 7pm in the evening. The church was filled with candlelight and poinsettias. My uncle played the organ, my sister-in-law sang and the minister learned Hebrew prayers for our combined ...
Views: 956 - "Can We Ever Be 'Too Much'" - by Submitted on Nov 02, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellAt our recent retreat in Assisi, Italy, besides visiting powerful spiritual places, our group entered into an atmosphere of deep healing. Sometimes Joyce and I have the opportunity not only to lead the retreat, but also to participate in some of the exercises for our own continual healing, which ...
Views: 895 - "The Joy of Service" - by Submitted on Oct 05, 2018 from Barry and Joyce Vissell“I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.” --Rabindranath Tagore A few days ago, Baba Hari Dass died at the age of 95. Babaji, as he was affectionately called, profoundly influenced many people’s lives. He moved to ...
Views: 919 - "The 2 Parts of a Successful Relationship" - by Submitted on Sep 28, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellA successful relationship has two very important components: learning to love yourself first, and then learning to love another person. Too many people ignore the first part, then wonder why it’s so hard to love another. It’s like expecting to water a plant with an empty water pitcher. Or trying ...
Views: 1117 - "Be a Miracle" - by Submitted on Aug 10, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellMiracles happen all the time. You probably know someone who has had a miracle happen to them, or maybe a miracle has happened to you. I know a woman whose cancer tumor disappeared overnight after she and several others stayed up all night praying. The doctors said there was no medical ...
Views: 1397 - "Separation as a Powerful Relationship Tool" - by Submitted on Jul 06, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellFor too many people, separation is a prelude to divorce. Taking time apart from a loved one is often thought of as the end of the relationship. But after 53 years together, and helping to guide thousands of couples, Joyce and I view separation as a sometimes vital necessity in a relationship ...
Views: 885 - "Finding Your Perfect Partner: 2 Key Ingredients" - by Submitted on Jun 01, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellSharing your life with a loving partner is very rewarding and meaningful. Barry and I met at the age of eighteen during our first year of college. Many people our age met someone in college or in their home town during a social event and got married by the time they were twenty-two years old. ...
Views: 968 - "The Gift of Helplessness" - by Submitted on May 15, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellI love being outside and physical activity to balance the counseling, workshops and writing, which I also love. I enjoy walking the dogs with Joyce, mowing the lawn, fixing things, gardening, doing anything to be outside. Some folks like to sit around when they are on vacation. Not me. ...
Views: 1356 - "The Golden Key to Happiness" - by Submitted on Apr 03, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellSeveral days ago we attended the Cultural Awareness Program at Mt. Madonna School where our grandson is in first grade. His grade of ten adorable students reenacted a Buddhist story from Cambodia. In this story a single mother has three grown sons. She is very concerned that her sons do not help ...
Views: 1342 - "To Really Choose a Man" - by Submitted on Mar 13, 2018 from Barry and Joyce Vissell(An excerpt from the Vissell’s new book, To Really Love a Man) TO REALLY LOVE A MAN IS TO CHOOSE HIM OVER AND OVER AGAIN. It’s not enough to say marriage vows one time, though that is certainly important. The relationship is deepened if you let him know often that you would choose him all ...
Views: 1955 - "The Divine Setup: How Our Perceptions can be Painfully Wrong" - by Submitted on Mar 09, 2018 from Barry and Joyce VissellSometimes our perceptions can get us into trouble. What appears so clearly to be our reality may not be real at all. Or it may be partially correct, but not the whole picture. We humans have a tendency to interpret our partial experiences as the whole truth and ignore other people's partial ...
Views: 1153 - "Being Vulnerable with a Woman" - by Submitted on Jan 23, 2018 from Barry and Joyce Vissell(An excerpt from the Vissell’s new book, To Really Love a Woman) TO BE VULNERABLE WITH A WOMAN IS TO ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE SEEN AND KNOWN IN YOUR ENTIRETY, not just your powerful, independent, secure, loving and capable self. Yes, you love a woman by being powerful, by protecting her from all ...
Views: 1390 - "My Experiment in Forced Simplicity" - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellSometimes we get what we ask for without knowing it. And sometimes we don’t like what we get, even though we asked for it. This is what happened to me a few days ago… Joyce and I just made our annual autumn pilgrimage to Assisi, Italy where, with a small group from four different countries, ...
Views: 1036 - "The Power of Showing Up" - by Submitted on Sep 26, 2017 from Barry and Joyce Vissell“The amount we receive back within our hearts from helping is much more than the time or money that we give.” There has been much in the news about the tragedies affecting millions of people. In my life, I hardly remember a time when so much has been happening to so many people in such a ...
Views: 1333 - "Can Our Light be Totally Eclipsed?" - by Submitted on Sep 08, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellA few weeks ago, Joyce and I got to experience the total eclipse high in the mountains of Idaho, in the exact center of the “zone of totality.” It was, for us, the experience of a lifetime. In our seventy-one years of living, there have been other major eclipses, but we have never been in their ...
Views: 1275 - "Lightening Up: A Very Different Kind of Spiritual Retreat" - by Submitted on Aug 28, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellWhen I think of a spiritual retreat, I imagine a lot of meditation, quiet walks, no computers or media, listening to gentle music, and withdrawing from the busyness of the world. Several weeks ago, Barry left for eight days to raft the Owyhee River in very remote Southeast Oregon. He had wanted ...
Views: 1476 - "The 3 Parts of Relationship Commitment" - by Submitted on Jul 18, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellWhat does it mean to be fully committed in a monogamous relationship? The traditional meaning has to do with focusing your romantic energies only upon your partner. You are not committed if you have “one foot outside the door,” meaning you are still available for romantic relationship with ...
Views: 1142 - "When our Children 'Come Out'" - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellLast week, Barry and I found ourselves at 10pm sitting at a special reserved table at “The Stud,” the 50-year-old first gay bar in San Francisco. First of all, there are a few things you should know about us. We are quiet country people who like to go to bed early. We never drive the ninety ...
Views: 1209 - "REALationship: The 7 Primary Ingredients" - by Submitted on Jun 06, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellOkay, it’s a cute word. But what does it mean to have a real relationship, a relationship with substance? What does it take to have a relationship that not only lasts, but also thrives with loving connection? From growing with my beloved of 52 years, Joyce, and from our work with couples for 42 ...
Views: 1177 - "A Closer Look at Unworthiness" - by Submitted on Mar 03, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellDo you ever feel unworthy to receive good things in your life? It’s not an easy question to answer. Some of you are in touch with your feelings of not deserving. Some of you are not. I dare say that feelings of unworthiness are present in most of us, although we might not be aware of them. The ...
Views: 1662 - "What would your sign say?" - by Submitted on Feb 24, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellJanuary 21 will long be remembered as the day of the women’s marches. It is so inspiring that women from each continent participated, even Antarctica. We just watched a women’s march that took place in Israel in which Jewish and Arab women marched together. We could not read their signs but I ...
Views: 1232 - "Feeling ALL Our Feelings" - by Submitted on Jan 17, 2017 from Barry and Joyce VissellThere are popular feelings: joy, happiness, love and affection, to name a few. And then there are unpopular feelings: anger, sadness, grief, hurt, and fear, among others. Most of us tend to hide the unpopular feelings and, instead, only feel and show the popular ones. If we want integrity and ...
Views: 1356 - "Unsuspected Heroes among Us - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellIn 1960, I was fourteen years old and my mother was the first civil rights activist that I knew. She did not march the streets. She lived her beliefs. She had Blacks, Muslims, Gays and other minorities over to our house for dinner almost every Sunday. She treated them all with the greatest ...
Views: 1195 - "One of My Greatest Vulnerabilities" - by Submitted on Nov 07, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellWhat if Joyce dies before me? This is one of my greatest vulnerabilities. Sure, I could die first. Statistically, women live longer than men. But this is not my vulnerability. My dying first brings up other feelings, like abandoning my true love, not being there to help her when she needs ...
Views: 1077 - "Don't Cry Because It's Over. Smile Because It Happened." - by Submitted on Oct 10, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellThose nine words by Ted Geisel (Dr.Seuss), one of our country’s favorite storytellers, contain so much wisdom. They apply to many different aspects of life, but I would like to focus on the area of relationships. Most of us are going to have relationships end at some point in our lives, whether ...
Views: 1330 - "The Courage to Ask For Help" - by Submitted on Sep 01, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellI have to admit. I have a hard time asking for help. I have that “false pride” thing about being able to do it myself, that if I have to ask for help, it means I’m helpless. It makes me think about the two year old who proclaims, “I can do it myself!” And now that I’m on the other side of the ...
Views: 1541 - "The Cosmic Mass: Risking to Follow Inner Promptings" - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2016 from Barry and Joyce Vissell“Our minds map out a neat, perfect little road for life and we hate to have it changed in any way. Yet that perfect little road may completely by-pass our goal of God-realization.” –Barry and Joyce Vissell, The Shared Heart Joyce and I have written before about the importance of taking ...
Views: 1563 - "The Blessing of Differences" - by Submitted on Aug 04, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellOur son got married a few days ago to Isaiah, the man of his dreams. Hardly ever in our work with couples have we seen such depth in love, respect and commitment. Whoever feels that only a man and a woman can truly love each other, has not witnessed the kind of deep love that Isaiah and our son, ...
Views: 1285 - “Love, Serve, and Remember” - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellThis month of May, my husband Barry and I will both turn seventy. For half of our lives, we have been writing these articles once a month, 35 years of writing for magazines and our own list. (Yes, we used to mail out the articles to those on our mailing list, and we used to write each article by ...
Views: 1224 - "Angels on the Road" - by Submitted on Jun 13, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellBarry: If we only knew how many times we are rescued by divine intervention, we would completely trust this higher power. There would then be nothing to worry about – ever! Joyce and I had yet another powerful reminder of this truth – and divine miracle – last week. In honor of both of us ...
Views: 1408 - "To Really Trust a Woman" - by Submitted on Apr 11, 2016 from Barry and Joyce Vissell(Excerpt from the Vissell’s not-yet published book, To Really Love a Woman) To really love a woman is to give her your complete trust. I love the line in Bryan Adams’ song, “… and when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman.” To lay helpless in her ...
Views: 1541 - ***To Really Trust a Woman - by Submitted on Apr 04, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellTo really love a woman is to give her your complete trust. I love the line in Bryan Adams’ song, “… and when you find yourself lying helpless in her arms, you know you really love a woman.” To lay helpless in her arms, you need to give up control and be vulnerable. You need to trust that she ...
Views: 1383 - "Asking our Higher Power for Help in All Situations" - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2016 from Barry and Joyce VissellThe first three steps of the twelve step program for recovery from addiction have to do with asking for help, knowing that we are powerless without help from a higher power, and trusting that this higher power can restore our lives greater than we could even imagine. I have seen these twelve ...
Views: 1506 - The Shiny Pen: Taking Responsibility in Relationship - by Submitted on Jun 01, 2012 from Barry and Joyce VissellFor a relationship to be healthy, both partners need to be willing to take responsibility for their own part in an argument. This is sometimes very difficult to do. It is always easier to see your partner’s fault than your own. If you’re angry or defensive in a situation, look deeper and you ...
Views: 1685(1 vote) - A Mother's Final Gift - by Submitted on May 20, 2011 from Barry and Joyce Vissell[We are excerpting one last time from our new book, A Mother’s Final Gift: How One Woman’s Courageous Dying Transformed Her Family] My mother died three years ago, and her death and dying process has changed my life. I’ve never been afraid of death itself. Rather, I’ve been afraid of the ...
Views: 1304 - Opening To Your Life Partner - by Submitted on Jul 09, 2008 from Barry and Joyce VissellIn our book, Meant To Be, thirty-three year old Kat Trueblood describes herself as tired of dating. It was the spring of 1989, and while visiting a friend near where she was living in Colorado, she picked up and started reading a copy of our first book, The Shared Heart. Unable to put it down, ...
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