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Articles from Carolyn Stone | Selfgrowth.com
- What if She Grows up Like Auntie Agnes? - by Submitted on Dec 18, 2013 from Carolyn StoneMany of us have a “black sheep” in the family. Sometimes that person has a mental illness and sometimes not. It might be someone who caused you or your parents great unhappiness in your childhood. At any rate, you know someone fairly close to you who caused havoc in your life. That relative ...
Views: 1082(1 vote) - Helping Your Rigid, Anxious Child with Gift Giving and Receiving - by Submitted on Dec 10, 2013 from Carolyn StoneIs gift-giving stressful at your house? Do you try to find things that your child would like, hoping to surprise her, but then learn that it was not what she had in mind at all? Gift giving for children who are inflexible in their thinking can be a disappointing exercise in miscommunication. ...
Views: 1050(2 votes) - Do Lies Make You See Red? - by Submitted on Aug 29, 2013 from Carolyn StoneMany times a year parents come to me for guidance about dealing with their child’s lying. Usually the situation is that the child has been involved in some activity that she knows her parents disapprove of. It could be sampling the frosting on a birthday cake before the occasion, or talking to ...
Views: 1154(1 vote) - Your Child Doesn't Like Your Great Solution? It's a Puzzle - by Submitted on Aug 07, 2013 from Carolyn StoneHere’s a scenario I see often in my work. Parents are having difficulty with their child over Problem X (doing homework, getting up in the morning, getting ready for school, or managing time on electronics). Parents join me and the child for a meeting about this, and the parents have been ...
Views: 1504 - Good Communication with Teachers Improves Your Child’s Education - by Submitted on Feb 26, 2013 from Carolyn StoneI got thinking today about how helpful it is for children when their parents and teachers can communicate and collaborate well. I happened to run across two good examples among the families I work with. This is true even if your child does not have learning problems, but it is especially ...
Views: 972 - Is It Misbehavior? - by Submitted on Feb 07, 2013 from Carolyn StoneLately I’ve worked with grade school children who have “misbehaved” in some pretty major ways. We have running away from organized activities, hitting family members, and yelling insulting things at parents, to name a few. These are reasons for parents, teachers, and therapists to put their ...
Views: 1046(2 votes) - Investing in Relationships With Your Children - by Submitted on Feb 06, 2013 from Carolyn StoneLast week I gave a talk to a group of elementary school parents about ways to decrease nagging their children. The talk packed in the information from three or four parent coaching sessions. It was full of specific suggestions for behaviors for parents to try. I know that this approach works ...
Views: 1216(2 votes) - Do You Think ADHD is Real? - by Submitted on Feb 05, 2013 from Carolyn StoneEarlier this week I read a summary of a newly published study about the increased prevalence of Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). The study was conducted by Kaiser Permanente in California and covered a time span from 2001 to 2010. It got me thinking about the diagnosis, its ...
Views: 1736 - Managing Holiday Expectations: Yours and Your Children’s - by Submitted on Dec 21, 2012 from Carolyn StoneIn case you haven’t noticed, it’s time to shop for Christmas or Hanukah. If you haven’t noticed, you must be seriously isolated, and I’m concerned for your wellbeing. Many of us are trying to find a way through the commercial blitz while honoring our own values and budgets. Very likely your ...
Views: 1192 - Avoiding Holiday Overwhelm - by Submitted on Dec 12, 2012 from Carolyn StoneNow we are into December, and the holiday season is officially underway. How can you help you and your quirky kids focus on the enjoyment and minimize the overwhelm that can come with this time of year? Self Care The first step begins with parents because if you run out of positive ...
Views: 923 - Becoming a Parenting Team - by Submitted on Nov 29, 2012 from Carolyn StoneAny parent knows that one of the biggest challenges of being a parent in a two parent family is working with the other parent. You can be in agreement about décor, finances and many other things, but it is likely that parenthood will bring out differences that you were only dimly aware of ...
Views: 892(2 votes) - Play: Serious Business that Teaches Life Skills - by Submitted on Oct 04, 2012 from Carolyn StoneThis week I have been reading Welcome to Your Child’s Brain: How the Mind Grows from Conception to College by Sandra Aamodt, Ph.D. and Sam Wang, Ph.D. The authors describe brain development and child development, linking the two in a very instructive way. Along the way, they debunk a number of ...
Views: 1036 - Strength in Community - by Submitted on Sep 18, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI recently wrote about the complicated feelings that parents have when their child is diagnosed with a learning disability. While these feelings are all a normal part of coping with a special needs child in your family, they can interfere with your well being and your ability to advocate for ...
Views: 1419 - Best Feet Forward - by Submitted on Sep 14, 2012 from Carolyn StoneThat’s how we all want to start the school year—with our best feet forward. This morning as I returned from walking my dog, I met a neighbor Mom and her two young children. They were returning from a trial walk to the local elementary school. The older child is starting kindergarten, and they ...
Views: 1439 - Back to School Jitters - by Submitted on Sep 07, 2012 from Carolyn StoneWe are into the second full week of August, and I have received my first call about a child who is anxious about school starting. The reminders are everywhere. The advertisements are on television for back to school supplies and clothes. Children with learning disabilities and others who are ...
Views: 1506 - Monkey See, Monkey Do — How We Teach Values With Our Behavior More Than With Words - by Submitted on Aug 30, 2012 from Carolyn StoneYesterday did not turn out as planned. My husband and I offered a ride to church to a sweet, confused friend, and she gratefully accepted. Unfortunately, when we picked her up, she had locked herself out of her house, and her husband had left already. After church her husband was still not ...
Views: 1156 - Why No One Can Have It All - by Submitted on Aug 09, 2012 from Carolyn StoneA few times this summer I have come to think about the challenging job of raising children and how parents share that work and balance it with the demands of paid work. As I noted in an earlier post, I attended a college reunion earlier this summer. Most of my classmates have grown children ...
Views: 822 - What If She Acts Like This at 16? - by Submitted on Jul 20, 2012 from Carolyn StoneConscientious parents can get themselves quite worried when they think like the title here. On the other hand, it is pretty normal to do so. Say your first grader gets very frustrated with her friend when they are planning a pretend scene, and she stomps out of the room, saying mean things and ...
Views: 1176 - Two (not so) Magic Steps to Improve Children’s Behavior - by Submitted on Jul 16, 2012 from Carolyn StoneRecently I served as chair of my college reunion. It was a fair amount of work, but I had a hardworking and good natured committee. When the weekend came, I enjoyed coordinating things and had a great time. Then came the surprise. People thanked me. Many people—some I knew and some I did ...
Views: 1503 - Just Ignore Him—Does it Work? - by Submitted on Jul 03, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI recently read a blog post by a counselor who said that ignoring your children’s misbehavior is not helpful. He said that parents need to interrupt behavior. I think that ignoring can be a very helpful parenting strategy, but it isn’t appropriate for every situation. Clearly if your ...
Views: 1532 - What’s in Your Toolbox? - by Submitted on Jun 28, 2012 from Carolyn StoneIn the past few weeks there have been more anxious children and adolescents in my office than usual. This is probably just the randomness of the universe. Anxiety is often a feature with children who have ADD, learning disabilities and Asperger Syndrome. The situation has caused me to reflect ...
Views: 1086(1 vote) - Roller Coaster Emotions: Some Thoughts on How to Deal With Your Child’s Roller Coaster - by Submitted on Jun 22, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI went to a conference over the weekend that was aimed mainly at therapists who treat adults. However, one of the presenters talked about how children learn to understand their own feelings and those of others in the course of interactions as they grow up. I found the talk was really relevant ...
Views: 1179 - What is Moral Development? - by Submitted on Jun 21, 2012 from Carolyn StoneNot long ago I heard an interview on the radio show, Humankind, about what parents can do to help children develop a moral core. The host interviewed Richard Weissbourd, a child and family psychologist on the faculty of the Harvard Graduate School of Education. What is a moral core? Weissbourd ...
Views: 1624 - Summer Time (and the living is easy?) - by Submitted on Jun 20, 2012 from Carolyn StoneIn my hometown it is officially summer. I know, the season really starts later this week on June 21, but school got out here last Friday. Last night the neighborhood children were out shooting baskets and hooting it up in the evening, a sure sign that they had no homework to do. So, is ...
Views: 1169 - Managing Screen Time in Your Home - by Submitted on Jun 15, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI recently wrote about what we know from research about the negative effects of too much media exposure for children. That leaves families with the question of what to do about it in their own homes. The American Academy of Pediatrics strongly encourages parents to avoid having children under ...
Views: 1125 - Don’t Take it Personally - by Submitted on Jun 07, 2012 from Carolyn StoneSeveral times lately I have met with parents who are hurt and angered by the things their children have said in anger. It makes sense that they are hurt. These are parents of “quirky kids” who get set off easily. Once your child is angry, she stops using her pre-frontal cortex to exercise ...
Views: 1359 - The Difference Between a Teaching Moment and Letting Your Child Down - by Submitted on Jun 05, 2012 from Carolyn StoneRecently I had a meeting with two colleagues who, like me, are both mothers. One was distracted as we started because she had gotten a text from her high school age son that he had left his keys on the bus. How would he get into the apartment? She had an appointment for a haircut after her ...
Views: 1342 - Finding Support When Coping with Your Child’s Learning Disability - by Submitted on Jun 01, 2012 from Carolyn StoneWhen a child has a learning disability, ADHD, or Asperger Syndrome it affects the whole family. Parents and children deal with a host of feelings as they find their way to a diagnosis and proper services for their child. At first parents may be frustrated with a child who does not do as well ...
Views: 1205 - Summer Routines for Your Quirky Child - by Submitted on May 31, 2012 from Carolyn StoneSummer is the time of ease, of rest and relaxation, of freedom from all those rigid schedules. Hurray! However, if you have a child with learning disabilities or ADHD or other atypical profile, you know that your child needs some structure in order to get along well and be happy. Not knowing ...
Views: 1122 - How Does Screen Time Affect My Child? - by Submitted on May 25, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI thought when I chose this topic that I would dash it off quickly, but I found myself doing some research about what we know about how much children in the US use electronic entertainment and the research on what the effects of this are on children. It turns out that we know a lot. We know ...
Views: 1747 - Juggling the Many End-of-Year Events: Some Tips - by Submitted on May 23, 2012 from Carolyn StoneThis is a busy time of year for families. It seems that every activity has an end of the year event, so parents and children are hurrying to recitals, chorus and band concerts, ball games and graduations. Hopefully, these events bring pride, joy and satisfaction. I hope that your child is ...
Views: 1184 - Dealing With the “Gimmes": Four Steps to Teaching Children an Attitude of Gratitude - by Submitted on May 18, 2012 from Carolyn StoneIs Your Child a Materialist? Recently I have talked with a few parents who are frustrated that their children seem always to want something new or better. You may have experienced this yourself. Perhaps your child wanted one particular toy and was tremendously focused on it for days. In ...
Views: 1490 - Talking to Teachers: Seven Steps to a Productive Meeting - by Submitted on May 17, 2012 from Carolyn StoneWhen your child enters school a new institution enters your family. The school influences your family life, your child’s life, and his or her sense of well-being. Often this is a positive influence — new experiences, new friends, pride in learning. However, for most parents there comes a time ...
Views: 1042 - Tricky Balance - by Submitted on May 04, 2012 from Carolyn StoneLately I have had balance on my mind. I am thinking of the difficult balance between a parent’s desire to protect a child and the child’s normal desire to be more independent. This balance is more tricky when with an atypical child — whether due to ADD, learning disability, or Asperger ...
Views: 1582(2 votes) - What About College? - by Submitted on May 03, 2012 from Carolyn StoneI find that college planning is on many parents’ minds even before junior year in high school. When parents receive diagnosis of a learning disability, ADHD or Asperger Syndrome, the meaning of doing well in school needs to be redefined. It is no longer, “Just work harder.” Now it means find ...
Views: 1277 - What If She Fails? - by Submitted on Apr 18, 2012 from Carolyn StoneOften I meet with parents who are very worried about their children’s achievement, usually in school, but sometimes in sports as well. These are well-meaning parents who want the best for their children. They want them to have the best opportunities, and they want their children to have ...
Views: 1520(1 vote) - Creating Order for the Disorganized Child - by Submitted on Apr 13, 2012 from Carolyn StoneMany parents talk to me with frustration about their children who strew their things throughout the house and then cannot find what they need when they need it. Some of these children have ADHD or a learning disability that we know makes it hard for them to organize stuff. Others are simply ...
Views: 1805(1 vote) - Finding Community - by Submitted on Apr 12, 2012 from Carolyn StoneOver the weekend I attended a large family Passover seder with about fifty people in attendance. The seder is a dinner with a liturgy that tells the story of how Moses led the children of Israel out of slavery in Egypt. It got me thinking about the value of community in raising children. ...
Views: 995 - When to Stop the Conversation - by Submitted on Apr 10, 2012 from Carolyn StoneLast week I posted about listening to your child and trying to find times that your child is available to talk. Many people commented on the value of just showing up to be available to talk. It’s a challenge to us busy, goal-oriented parents. In fact, last week I meant to write about this ...
Views: 1123 - Keeping Your Child Safe from Sexual Predators - by Submitted on Mar 29, 2012 from Carolyn StoneThis week we all have our minds on the disclosure of sexual abuse of young boys by a coach at Penn State. I have been struck by the emphasis on who did what when rather than concern for the children who were abused. For many of us it raises the frightening prospect that our children or ...
Views: 989 - My Kid Doesn’t Talk to Me - by Submitted on Mar 27, 2012 from Carolyn StoneChild psychologists tell parents to listen to their children, and they should. I have learned in my practice and in my life as a parent that it isn’t always clear how to get children to talk when you want to listen. When children get home from school or parents arrive home from work, ...
Views: 1027 - What Is a Lie? - by Submitted on Mar 19, 2012 from Carolyn StoneThat’s a silly question, isn’t it? We all know that lying is saying something that is not true and acting as though it is true. Strictly speaking, that is the case. What is a lie that a parent should be concerned about and what should parents do about it? That is a more difficult question, ...
Views: 935 - Coping With Road Blocks - by Submitted on Mar 14, 2012 from Carolyn StoneRecently a number of families I work with have been stymied by their children getting stuck. These are children with Asperger Syndrome, nonverbal learning disability, obsessive compulsive disorder, or some combination of those. During the course of a normal day, these kids hit road blocks that ...
Views: 1436 - Where’s Your Child’s Strength? Bolstering Self Esteem in Children with Learning Disabilities - by Submitted on Mar 08, 2012 from Carolyn StoneHaving a learning disability is exhausting. Whether your child has ADHD, or a Nonverbal Learning Disability, or a Language Based Learning Disability, or Asperger Syndrome does not matter. Learning differently from the way school is taught is hard work. In order to obtain proper educational ...
Views: 1243 - Baby Steps - by Submitted on Mar 07, 2012 from Carolyn StoneSome of you may have seen the old Bill Murray movie, “What About Bob.” Murray plays a man who is very dependent on his psychiatrist, played by Richard Dreyfus. Dreyfus encourages his patient to make progress in his life by “baby steps.” He has even written a book by that name. It’s a good ...
Views: 1763(1 vote) - Say Please! - by Submitted on Feb 20, 2012 from Carolyn StoneHow do you get your children’s respect? How do you know that they respect you? Is it that they obey? That’s a big part of it when they are young. When parents of young children come to me for Parent Coaching, they often ask for help with compliance. Their children don’t “listen.” I ...
Views: 1148(4 votes) - Try a Little Tenderness — For Yourself - by Submitted on Feb 13, 2012 from Carolyn StoneRecently I went to a workshop on Mindfulness, and its use in psychotherapy. I was quite excited as I listened because I could see its usefulness to parents. First of all, what is mindfulness? When people practice mindfulness, they try to change the quality of their awareness so that they ...
Views: 1168(2 votes)