What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on how they behave, is that they have the tendency to ignore their feelings and a number of their needs. Due to this, they are typically going to act as though they are an extension of others as opposed to a separate human being.

Thanks to this, they are likely to be well and truly fed up and no longer want to behave in this way. But, as they will be neglecting themselves, it is to be expected that they will be this way.

A Different View

However, although they will be neglecting themselves, most if not all of the people in their life might not be aware of this. Thus, if these people were to describe them, they could say that they are selfless and considerate.

This is likely to mean that they will be used to receiving a fair amount of positive feedback. But, irrespective of this, they will be deprived of what they need to live a life that is fulfilling.

A Different Experience

For this to change, they will need to pay attention to how they feel and to meet their needs. Still, if they were to imagine paying attention to how they feel and expressing their needs, they could feel uncomfortable.

This can be a time when they will feel anxious and they could soon have the need to go back to how they were before. What could also enter their mind is that if they no longer turn their back on themselves, they will be punished, rejected and even abandoned.

A Lot of Resistance

From this, it will be as though they will only be accepted and survive if they turn their back on themselves. At this stage, this is likely to be seen as something that is the truth.

In reality, they don’t need to turn their back on themselves to be accepted and survive. Considering this, it could be said that not only is this just something that they believe but that that it is irrational.

Back In Time

Nevertheless, if what took place during their formative years was taken into account, how they behave as an adult might make complete sense. This may have been a stage of their life when one of their parents didn’t see them as an individual who had their own needs and feelings.

Instead, they might have been seen as an extension of this parent. If so, they would have been forced to adapt to this parent and do what this parent wanted them to do.

The outcome

A stage of their life, then, when they needed an attuned parent who could generally meet their needs was a time when they were greatly deprived and deeply wounded. A big part of this adaption process would have been for them to lose touch with their feelings and a number of their needs.

Additionally, parts of themselves would have also been split off and repressed. The connection that they had with themselves would have soon been replaced by a disconnected false self that allowed them to be accepted and survive.

No Choice

As they were powerless and dependent, they were unable to change this parent or find another family. Becoming a stranger to themselves was the only way for them to handle a stage of their life that caused them to suffer immensely.

Yet, while this stage of their life will be over, a big part of them won’t realise this. This is then why they are unable to accept that they can listen to themselves and be accepted and survive.

Another Element

In addition to this, as they were egocentric at this stage, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that this parent couldn’t attune to them and provide them with the love that they needed; it was that there was something inherently wrong with them and they were unlovable.

Most likely, this parent had also been greatly deprived and deeply wounded during their formative years. This could be something that goes back many, many generations.

The Truth

For them to know, at the core of their being, that they can be connected to and express who they are and be accepted and survive, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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