Melody was particularly attractive, and it was a challenge not to stare. I was very interested since I was dating no-one. After chatting for a while, I asked her if she would like to have dinner with me that night. She smiled, "I'd love to have dinner with you tonight, but..." Although she completed the sentence after the word but, I didn't hear it, my self-sabotage mechanism said she was rejecting me!

What was she Actually Saying?
What invariably comes after the word but? A negative!

In this case, she was saying no to have dinner that evening. Yet although she said no, it wasn't necessarily a rejection. It might be that she really would love to have dinner with you some other time, but she's busy tonight. Maybe she is blowing you off, maybe she isn't. Rather than simply assuming the worst, change your life by learning to investigate further.

Whenever you want to persuade someone, view it as trying to sell something, an idea, a widget, or perhaps even yourself. Once you've made a suggestion, ask them what they thought. If they reply, "I really like what you are proposing but..." then you know he's not going to do it, they're going with another company's proposal.

Is he going to Buy Yours?
Since he prefers the competition's proposal, did he really like it? He may have liked some elements, but not as much as the winning proposal. So is is "really" true to say he "really" liked it?

Wisdom shows the word but usually means there's an untruth somewhere. This may be subtle or deeply hidden, but can usually be found by investigating. Here's how to change your life. Listen carefully to the words after the but, this is often the real truth, no matter what they say before it.

Find out what they Really Mean
Rather than hearing the rejection in her voice and stopping there, ask if some other time might work for her. Then you'll learn if it really is a brush-off, and she's simply trying to spare your feelings, or if she would like to see you again.

Ask the prospect what he liked about your suggestion, and find out what he didn't like. At the very least, you'll learn why he's gone with the competition, so you can address the reason in the future. You might even find that he's misunderstood some part of your proposal. Now you've discovered how to improve acceptance and remedy the misunderstanding, despite his initial rejection.

This new perspective on the word but reduces the stress you feel over an apparent rejection. So don't self-sabotage, remember that a faint heart never won a fair lady!

© Copyright worldwide Cris Baker, All rights reserved. Republishing welcomed under Creative Commons noncommercial no derivatives license preserving all links intact, so please +1 and share this widely!

Food for Thought
I control my thoughts, my emotions, and my actions. And I direct them to drastically and easily improve the quality of my health, my relationships, my work and my life.

- Terry Orlick, PhD, author of "In Pursuit of Excellence"

Author's Bio: 

Cris Baker has much practice in overcoming adversity, he's been screwing things up for years! Why suffer the consequences of your own mistakes? Now you can benefit from real knowledge, crucial know-how gained from his vast experience with extensive pain and suffering!

Check out change your life, self-sabotage, and the secret of success at Life Strategies to find out how to change your life, overcome your self-sabotage, and discover more crucial secrets of success!