Many people in our current world are awakening to realize that the old reasons for marriage and relationship no longer serve them. All relationships are based on agreements. In the past, these agreements have been mostly unconscious and unspoken. I offer these five agreements as a step towards a new model for conscious relationships of all kinds, based on a more spiritual understanding of our place in the universe and our relationships with each other.

I call it The New Relationship.

Note that this simple summary cannot adequately describe this complex subject. I invite you to the “Notebook” on my website at, or to listen to the CD set that is available there.


Agreement #1: “Your nature is love. You are the source of love in your life.”

In the old model of relationship, love is seen as a commodity that lives outside of us, that we must bargain for to receive. We must be good, do it right, please and meet the expectations of others—and we must look to others for our value and worth. In The New Relationship, we know that our spiritual source is love, we came into this world as love, beaming love, being love … and we continue to be love. We do not need to bargain or meet the needs of others to be that which we already are.

Agreement #2: “You are not responsible for other people’s emotional reactions to your reality.”

Everyone is distorting their perceptions through old agreements, beliefs, and opinions. No two people react emotionally to the same situation in the same way, because everyone perceives it differently. When someone, including you, has an emotional reaction to a person or event, it is because of how the person or event is perceived, not because of what occurs. Grasping this truth will change your life.

Agreement #3: “You are whole and complete and do not need anyone else to complete you.”

Many people enter into relationships, especially romantic ones, because they want to reconnect with parts of themselves they have disowned. This is why “opposites attract” during the early stages of relationship and later “repel.” Find the parts disowned in childhood and bring them home to a happy reunion of You.

Agreement #4: “The Truth is more important than the outcome of the relationship.”

This agreement is only for the brave at heart. Once you have denied your truth in order to hold onto a relationship, you have already lost it—you are no longer present in it. If you are willing to trust Life more than you trust your ability to control the outcome of your life, you will find great joy and freedom.

Agreement #5: “True happiness is the result of love coming out of you.”

Once you understand that your nature is Love itself, you are no longer bargaining for love, and you have quit denying your truth to manage other people’s feelings, you are truly free to love. You see and accept the world the way it is, and this acceptance is the love that comes out of you.

This happiness is yours—no one can give it to you or take it away from you. You can move through the world without resistance or fear. This is your true spiritual relationship with the universe—pure Love.

Author's Bio: 

Allan’s background includes many years as a practitioner and instructor of Alchemical Hypnotherapy and spiritual psychology, and a ten year personal apprenticeship with Miguel Ruiz, author of "The Four Agreements™" and other books. He is a Toltec Master in that tradition and brings his wisdom of the Toltec path to his work with spiritual counseling and emotional healing. Allan is the author of "The Everything Toltec Wisdom Book", and co-author of "The Heart of Healing" and "Healing the Heart of the World", with Deepak Chopra, Dean Ornish, Caroline Myss, and many others.