Sometimes You Have To Hit Rock Bottom

Sometimes in order to make long term positive changes in your life, you have to hit rock bottom. I want to share a story that will hopefully inspire others. If only I knew then what I know now is what I used to say, but
in reality, as long as you learn from your mistakes and do not repeat them, there's no reason to dwell on the past, just keep moving forward!

When I divorced in 2005, suddenly I realized that I was about to start a new life! This was very exciting for me, as I was finally free! Free in the sense that I had peace in my life which hadn't been there for a long time.
At the time, I took up singing as a hobby. I loved it. Every Friday I would go to the local bar for Karaoke night with my friends. I used the singing as a form of therapy after a long week of work. It didn't take long for me to become addicted to the singing and the high I felt when I would belt out a song and people in the audience would clap and whistle! I took the singing seriously and started entering Karaoke contests which led to competitions. I had lots of fun and met many new friends in this Karaoke circuit of people I was drawn to, but after a while, I started burning myself out and eventually went through a period of depression and slowed the singing down and stopped doing the things I loved to do.

I was finally full of peace and love again, I was extremely independent, I had a great roommate and the best friends a girl could have, a great job for ten years at the time, four weeks of vacation and money so why was I so depressed? I had everything except one thing. I didn't have someone to love me. Having someone special in my life, to care about me and love me was very important. I didn't realize how hard it would be getting back into the dating game. A game was exactly what it was, except I didn't know how to play the game. In hindsight I realized when you find the right person, there are no games, but at the time, I wore my heart on my sleeve when it came to love. I was very naive. I didn't believe in games but found that the guys I was attracted to were looking for the girls that played hard to get. I started meeting the same exact pattern of guys with the same issues. It's funny in a way. I had a strong desire not to meet the guys that already had girlfriends (which I found out later), not to meet the guys looking to play the field, not to meet the guys without jobs, cars, etc. and that is exactly what I was attracting. I thought, how could this be? Why was this happening to me? Am I ever going to be happy? Is anyone going to want to get to know me?

Then one day I met someone. He was much different from the guys I had been used to meeting. He had a vehicle, he had a good job, no girlfriend (so he said), he was interested in me, he was cute,YAY!!!! A week went by and no word from "the new guy". Ut Oh.. Were the patterns starting up all over again? I decided to stop reading the dating rule books and just be myself and give him a call. Fast forward to a year later, I found myself in a unhealthy association with this guy and I brought it all upon myself. I was so desperate for love from this person, that I would compromise my self worth and morals to be with him and I lost respect for myself at the same time. The next day I would always beat myself up for going against my better judgement, but inevitably I kept making the same exact mistakes over and over again with this person. I was a glutton for punishment. I knew what the right thing to do was, but my will power wasn't strong enough. Then eventually the day came for the ultimate betrayal. Well, it felt that way, but again, I knew the rules, I just didn't know how to play the game. I stopped seeing this person because I felt betrayed. I was devastated, hurt, angry, depressed and stayed in hiding for about 5 days.

A good friend of mine had just come home from a retreat she was at in California. She was telling me about her experience at the retreat and some of the exercises her group was involved in. I was immediately inspired
by what she said and decided that I finally needed to get my butt in gear and "find myself" again. I needed to learn how to be happy and love myself, because I don't think I ever had been happy or loved myself. I kept myself in seclusion for a while to work on myself and stay focused. I learned that the first thing I needed to do was to forgive the people in my life, both past and present who have done me wrong and forgive myself for my wrong-doings to others.

Forgiving people was not my strong suit. If anything, I was the Queen of holding grudges. I held anger and resentment deep inside that had built up since my childhood, but if I was going to move forward, be happy, love and respect myself, I had to do what I had to do. I went to the beach. It was pouring outside that day. I didn't care. It worked out great because I was the only one there. I walked a couple of miles on the beach and looked for the biggest rock I could find. This rock would represent the deepest hurt, anger, and resentment I had for this one particular person. I threw this rock in the ocean with all of the strength I had while screaming at this person at the top of my lungs. I then finished by saying, "I forgive you and I set you free", "I forgive myself and I set myself free". I couldn't believe how much of a weight was lifted off of me when I finally let go of the pain, anger, and resentment and began to forgive. Wow! It was AMAZING!! It Worked! Eventually I did see this person after some time went by and we were both mutually able to bring love, friendship, and respect in where once it had been null.

The next step was to contact every significant person I had wronged in my life and apologize to them.
Some I sent letters, some I sent emails. I never expected to hear back from these people, and never did, but it was important for me to let go of the past, forgive myself, forgive them, and move on. The last step was to speak to my father and sister, and let them know about the feelings I was harboring inside for years and forgive him and forgive myself for everything so I could let go of that as well. I stopped judging and accepted what had been done so that we could all move forward. None of this was easy for me, but it was what I needed to do and from that point on, the negative feelings i harbored inside vanished!

Now it was time to start loving myself, something I had never done before because I didn't feel worthy. I took a couple of months by myself and I started saying "I Love You Jennie" a million times a day,and was inspired by Louise Hay. I listened to her DVD a million times, "You Can Heal Your Life" and I went full force with working on my inner self. I started working out, walking for miles, and eating healthy. Before I knew it, I loved myself for the first time in my life and really felt it! With that came respect, self worth, self esteem, admiration, and a whole new lease on life which five years later keeps getting better and better for me.

The passion I had to work on myself kept me focused and on track with my desires. I have never let go of that passion since I started working on myself five years ago and my friends, co-workers and family members started to notice the positive changes in me. All of them were inspired by what I had set out to do, what I had accomplished, and what I am accomplishing today. The end result is that once I worked on forgiveness and loving and respecting myself, I started to attract different people in my life who loved and respected me.

Ultimately, I ended up meeting my soul mate at work, a month before I was starting a new job at another company. This soul mate I speak of is everything I wanted and is the love of my life. We just got married in June, and we have a healthy, loving relationship! After all that's said and done, I'm actually glad I hit rock bottom five years ago and went through those negative things in my life. I don't regret a thing. I believe those significant people that were in my life were attracted to me by the thoughts and feelings I was holding inside. I didn't even have to speak aloud, but the Law Of Attraction found these people, events, and circumstances and brought them to me. I believe I needed to go through those things in order to be the person I am today! Now I am actually helping other people find themselves and their purpose in life which is empowering!

If I could just inspire at least one person by sharing my story, then it is all worth it to me!