By Phil Cosmo

After 20 years of marriage Betsy and Dylan were flying back from a trip they took together to the Caribbean. On the plane Betsy asked him if he still loved her. For a minute he thought about it and said: “What a stupid question. Of course I love you!” For Betsey hearing those words were enough for the moment but she wanted more. She could remember a trip to Hawaii soon after their marriage – Dylan had purchased a book on beautiful love quotes. He would recite over and over again until Betsey had to tell him to put “that thing away Dylan!”

Now after two decades, the book on Lovely Quotes was somewhere on a bookshelf collecting dust. The couple had succumbed to the daily pressures of work stress and family. Two kids were consuming their intimacy and love making had almost disappeared altogether. What happened? Can they Bring back the days of old and re-inject romanticism into their relationship again?

The answer is quiet simply “yes”. Couples do it all the time but the process isn’t spontaneous and requires work and a plan. Here is a seven step process for making it work:

STEP 1: Tell her you still love her. Simple enough, but for some the three little words have slipped into a meaningless mantra soon after they tied the knot. Regardless of the repetition. It will keep the love alive.

STEP 2: Make sure you validate the words “I love you”, by showing her you really love her. This can be done by a simple kiss, or a tight hug. Hugs and Kisses are free and you can never overdo it. For many men, this can be a bit awkward. The trick is to do it so often that it comes naturally.

STEP 3: Alight your values with that of your spouse. Values are the things that either bond us or set us apart. If one person loves going to church and is religious then the other should try to align themselves with that. It is much easier to take on values of your partner rather than try to change their values to meet your own. Doing so will only set you further apart.

STEP 4: Never get angry at your spouse. We all make mistakes – we’re human! Instead of confronting your spouse and asking him why he didn’t do the dishes last night – try to talk rationally and explain why you need him to help out around the house. You may want to try and correct the issue yourself (wash the dishes) before asking.

Anger only triggers your spouses face with the negative feeling. Doing this too often will cause you and your spouse to get angry simply by seeing each others faces!

STEP 5: Take out that book on Lovely Quotes and start all over again. There is nothing better than throwing a few love quotes at each other to express how you feel. If you’re talented, you may want to pen a few quotes yourself.

STEP 6: Change your environment. Have you been living in the same house for the last twenty years? The same town? It may be time for a change. This is especially important if your environment sets off negative triggers that have crept up and ingrained themselves over the years.

STEP 7: Get a baby sitter. Couples with children tend to be less romantic. It isn’t usually because they aren’t in love any more. It can be because they don’t have time to be intimate together. It may be time to ask the in laws to take Benny for the weekend.

Hopefully taking these steps will help you realize that fostering a relationship of mutual love always wins over endless battles to control. Respecting each other is the key step in learning to love one another – once again.

Author's Bio: 

By Phil Cosmo
Owner and operator of

Phil has worked with many couples over the years and has developed working strategies for helping couples rekindle their love for each other.