What is a belief system? Most people do not understand what a belief system is. They understand that some are defined by religion, culture, peers, and education. Many people understand it as part of their ‘core’. Everyone and Everything has a belief system; People, Governments, Civil Groups, Men’s Groups, Women’s Groups, Civic Groups.

In truth, a belief system is much more powerful than a set of rules that governs a group of people, or are used to create laws and define organizational behaviour. Our personal belief system can be defined as part of our heart, or soul. It affects every aspect of our behaviour. What you like to do. What you don’t like to do. How you react to trauma. How you respond to an intimate touch. All these actions and reactions are not a choice you make. They are based on your belief system.

What is a Personal Belief System?

A personal belief system is built upon your life experiences. Every word that has been spoken to you, every success or failure, education, friend’s, work, dating experiences, and even physical trauma and illness will help to build your belief system, for good or bad. These are the things that make up who you are, and how you act.

These things also define how you respond in a situation. They establish your self-esteem. The sad thing is, we rarely have control over our belief system. Our belief system is constructed from the moment we are born. How you were treated as a baby effected how you process information, and how secure you feel. This is compounded over the following years, and your opinion of yourself is established based on experience.

This is why I hear so often that one person doesn’t feel they are loveable. Another may feel they deserve failure and abuse. People contemplate suicide because they believe the misguided and misunderstood messages they’ve received from other people – messages that became part of their belief system.

One of the most misunderstood aspects of a personal belief system is that it is ‘not’ what you think. It is what you do. When coaching people there is often a struggle at the beginning to define who they think they are, and separate it from who they really are.

One person may think they are successful and bold. The first step to seeing if this is a true statement is to compare what they say, to the things they do. I start to brainstorm with the client to determine what behaviours they express that support their statement. Unfortunately, it is rare that the behaviours support the words. This is because we try to mask, or hide, the real us.

How to Change Your Belief System

Knowledge is Power. Now that you know what your belief system is, you have the power to change it. All you need to do is ‘believe’ that no one can define who you are as a person, except you. Stop giving people the power to hurt you. This doesn’t mean that you can control another person’s behaviour. It just means that you need to stop giving them the power to ‘control your behaviour.’

This can start a fierce battle in some people. A person who has always failed at relationships needs to understand that they are loveable – before anyone can truly start to love them. They need to change their behaviour and beliefs. Only after they do this will they attract someone who is emotionally healthy. And then they must work with that person to overcome the behaviour that ruined their other relationships.

This all starts with a decision to ‘stop the cycle.’

This sounds a lot simpler than it really is. Many people need to work a few months to establish enough of a foundation that they possess the tools needed to stop the cycle. This can work to help with lost jobs, lost opportunities, getting into a business partnership with the wrong person, a cycle of bad relationships, post divorce ... to avoid finding another person like your x, bad dating experiences, bad money management practices, anxiety disorders, depression, and more.

Step by Step Strategy:

Own the Problem – Stop blaming others and examine yourself. Even if the other person was wrong, something in your belief system made you trust them.

Define Your Behaviour – Don’t worry about how you were hurt or your experiences. Just look at your current behaviour pattern. Answer this question. What do you do that result in applying for the wrong job, or dating the wrong person? We give off vibes. These are used to help us connect with ‘like minded people.’ Once we change our vibes, we change the people we connect with.

Define Your Strengths – Never focus on the negative without focusing on the positive. Everyone has strengths they can be proud of. The important thing is to work with a professional who can help you see your strengths for what they are. In many cases, problems are caused when we have been taught that a strength is a ‘bad thing.’

Change Your Behaviour – This can be so hard. I know in my life it is excruciating sometimes. I like to take control. It can be gut wrenching to wait until the last minute and give others the chance to be in control. Take it one day at a time. Don’t focus on the outcome. Just work, one behaviour at a time.

Trust Yourself – Thousands of people have redefined their lives and gone from ‘rags to riches’ financially, in relationships, and emotionally. Many of done it on their own. A growing number are doing it with the help of a mentor or coach. Everyone has the power to change. Let go of the crutches that you thought protected you, but only repeated the destructive pattern, and develop a strong core character which can protect you.

Be Patient – Give yourself the freedom and the ‘gift’ of healing. Take your time and let yourself rebuild a healthier belief system. Don’t run into another situation that might support and strengthen your old beliefs. Take time to ‘love’ yourself.

This process can take weeks, months, and years, depending on your behaviour and strengths. But focus on the journey, not the destination. It can be fun. The most important thing is to establish an atmosphere that is fun and enjoyable. And remember that there are not wrong paths. There are no wrong decisions. Do what is best for you. There is no wrong way to change - whether you read books and take courses, work with a coach, find a support group, journal, or blaze your own path.

Author's Bio: 

Suzanne James has 10 years experience as an online life coach and using the telephone to facilitate her coaching strategy. She has vast experience helping clients reset their core values, make changes in their communication and relationship styles, and take back control of their lives. There is a wealth of information on her website: http://www.suzannejames.com