Radical Life Improvement From Nothing

TB Wright

It seems as if we all desire to improve our lives. But in order to do something, we have to first understand what exactly, that something is. Since we desire to improve our lives, what does that mean? Improve? According to the dictionary, it means "to increase in value, to bring about a more desirable or excellent condition." Since the specific details for each one of us that we would have to bring about in order to do that, are different, then to each one of us, to "improve" means something different! Yet despite that huge variety of detail, for each one of us the specific desire to improve our lives means exactly one thing, and one thing only: To in any new now moment, feel better than we felt in the last moment, regardless of how we are feeling. So that's it! That's how to improve my life! All I have to do is to feel better, and my life is automatically improved? Well, yes, sort of.

The obvious point about the previous observation is that yes, we do desire to feel better, and to feel better would improve our lives. But that's not it, at least not all of it, is it? Humans are so complex, and the rules, so simple! Obviously, we want more than to just feel better. We want to feel better and have something at the same time. Mostly because we feel that attaining that thing would make us feel better to begin with! And yet time and again, after attaining thing after thing, and not necessarily feeling as better as I thought I would have after attaining it, it finally dawned on me that something else was going on here other than what I said I wanted to have happen. What I said I wanted to have happen was "think of a desire, find out how to attain it, and then feel better in attaining it." Truth is, I did feel better about my ability to attain things, whether they were relationships, friendships, a career or cash, but something, some huge invisible detail was missing, that the having of I was certain, would finally make me feel better in the way I thought I wanted to feel better. What was it?

What it was, was, nothing. That's right, the space of nothing. What the heck is that? Without the space of nothing, which can easily be attained through cleaning up our mental homes, there is no room to feel better about anything, anyway. For instance, if our mental space is filled up with anger, how the heck are we going to feel better, or more peaceful, if we keep on focusing on our anger? With that much anger, or frustration, or resignation, there's just not that much extra room for feeling good, now is there! Yes, our anger is there, and yes, this is the tell the truth now, tell the truth later methodology, and to tell the truth about when we are upset, or angry, or frustrated, is always useful, especially when we are those things. We're not going to make believe things are rosy, certainly not when we don't authentically feel that way. We tell the truth because to fully experience our anger is to create the space to feel something else, because that's what anger is for. It's a feeling, telling us how we feel about something, that until we actually and deeply feel it, will remain in place. Why not? If you didn't communicate your message, don't you want to continue speaking until you are actually heard? Anger is no different, and it has a message for us that we need to listen to.

To resist experiencing that truth of our anger, or upset of any other kind, is to continue to focus on it after we realize that that's our mood. And to do that holding onto is more than simply fruitless, because experienced anger is released anger, and resisted anger is increased anger. But is what we want to do to become more angry over what we're already angry over? I don't think it is, not after having worked with thousands of people in seminars for transformation. That didn't seem to be what they wanted. What they wanted, instead of feeling worse by continuing to hold onto their upset, was to feel better by letting it go. And it's that letting do, that often comes in pieces and parts, that's so important to give ourselves the time, and the training, to learn how to accomplish. You have the time, you always do, and the online seminar I offer has the training.

Here are some following practices that you can use to let any upset or anger go, so that you then have the space of nothing for feeling better to show up within:

1) Categorize your priorities. Actually list your grievances and upsets, and ask yourself which ones are the most important to hold onto. For instance, if being angry at the neighbor for their barking dog is so important to you that you desire to hold onto that negative energy, then by all means list it as number one! I'm not talking about changing circumstances, which will be for much later discussions, I'm talking about changing your point of view. And there's where you have complete power. Now you can demonstrate that power!

3) Often, in the middle of frustration, we don’t ask ourselves the simple question: "It is worth it?" So go ahead right now, and ask yourself, "Is it worth it?" Is it worth holding onto. For instance, I had a fear come up in relationship to marketing my work that just wouldn't go away. What did I do about it? For years, nothing. I always stopped at that fear. Slam. Smack. Back to the drawing board. But then I took my own advice. I sought out experts who had done, what I wanted to do, and simply put my trust in them. In this way, I could learn all about what I knew very little about, without having to do it all myself. Seek others out who can support you. You will be giving them the gift of allowing their wisdom to be used, and there is no greater gift than to acknowledge them in this way.

4) Many actions support you in creating enough nothing so that feeling better can show up within it. Meditation, breathing exercises, yoga, the lists go on and on. Find one. Pick one. Make yourself a note and put a "by when" you will do this. Share your goal with someone who supports you, and make certain they know the "by when" you have promised yourself your nothing goal will begin. Never trust yourself all alone, to give and keep a promise. Get support. Use it. People who support you will appreciate you for asking, and for the victories you accomplish with their guidance. Make promises to others about what you are committed to doing, not to yourself.

5) Let whatever feeling you are having be two things. One, O.K. Tell yourself that "It's okay to feel this way." Because you already do feel that way! So it's got to be okay, because it's what already is. At the same time you may want to change how you feel, and that's okay too. But first start from where you already actually are. And two, let anger be what it is, with no more or less meaning than that. What does it mean when we're angry? It means that . . .we're angry! Nothing more, nothing less, than that, ever.

6) Looking at our lives and all we do within them in a way that gauges the value of any particular thing in our lives, really helps us to let go. For instance, is that anger you have been holding onto, more valuable than your peace of mind? Ask yourself! Actually stand up to yourself and ask yourself that question!

So there it is, guidance toward the realization that the only way to create the space for something to show up in, is to let go of what's currently occupying that space, usually anger or upset, and then allow that wholly valuable nothing to be there, so that we can allow ourselves the space to experience something else. Something other than anger! Or frustration, or resignation. And then, there you go. That's how our lives do improve radically and all from nothing, but not for nothing! You go!