It’s that time of year. Spring has sprung and the fever pitch is HIGH! No more bundling up your chakras, you say, it’s time for some “sex on the beach”!

A few spring fling tips: 1) Pay attention (pay now or pay later); 2) Think it through. Make sure the good outweighs any potential side effects 4 to 1…okay, 3 to 1; and 3) WEAR A CONDOM … and in the meantime, get your questions answered:

James asked:

“I met this girl at school and ended up falling for her. However, at the time she had a boyfriend who was moving to France. I saw her a couple of times before they officially broke up and then asked her out on a date. She said yes, then flaked on me twice (both times legitimate-ish reasons such as her grandparents’ anniversary do and something else).

We eventually went out a couple of times and texted each other a bit, then suddenly after our second date when I kissed her goodnight on the cheek she didn’t text me for over a week and just ignored my email (I tried to contact her three times). Then she started to talk again and we have seen each other about every two weeks since. I have kissed her on the cheek a couple of times and once on the lips, but that’s it.
?When we are out we have such a good time and get along great, and although there is not much physical contact she flirts back. She has since then invited me to go on holiday with her and her family. I’m just not sure where I stand. Are we going out? Her old bf is in a relationship but she isn’t going out with anyone else and never talks about other guys with me. On Valentine’s Day I gave her a card and chocolates, and she gave me the same. She lets me pay for coffees and other things like that. But my question is: Who am I to her, a friend or a boyfriend?—James, UK

First, my dear James, I gave chocolates and cards to several boys on Valentine’s Day…when I was in first grade. If you want to turn your chocolate kisses into more, you’re going to have to use your words. Most women like a man who knows what he wants and says so. So ask her. Find out what’s really going on, whether or not she wants more than your cozy friendship & caffeine or if she’s using you to buffer the pain of being separated from her old boyfriend. And don’t kid yourself: odds are she’s not shy, she’s just not that into you.

Nick asked:

“Every time I meet someone and we wind up liking each other, it always turns out she just wants me as a friend. Even though they all tell me they would date me. Is there any way I can stop winding up the “best friend”? —Nick, US

Let’s get to the point. You want a girlfriend. And what you’re getting is the friend part without the benefits; hugging, smooching, public displays of affection, the juicy stuff that goes with being more intimate and exclusive. I am a “results girl,” and I say let’s look at what you have been doing and subtract it from what you want, and see what’s left over. Females are tricky when it comes to hanky-panky and relationships. We often aren't afforded the luxury of saying exactly what we want and mean for at least the last two thousand years, primarily because it hasn’t been safe.

Success in almost any area of life requires a few things; knowing what you want, having a plan and then executing the plan. So, Nick: 1) Go find someone you actually want to be with who meets your basic criteria; personality, values, looks, etc. 2) Ask her if she is available for a date. (Girls know the difference between a date and an invitation to hang out, so actually use the word “date.”) 3) See what happens. A clue: even a nice girl will likely give you a real kiss if she wants to be more than just friends after the third or fourth real date. Let me know what happens!!

Want to learn more about what to know BEFORE you get into a relationship? Go “In the Ring With Maryanne!” In this upcoming video webinar, Maryanne will be interviewing an eligible bachelor live, on the fly, to teach you what types of questions YOU should be asking before you agree to a date or relationship. Sign up here:

Author's Bio: 

Maryanne Comaroto is an internationally known relationship expert, talk show host and author. Her weekly live radio talk show reaches millions of listeners in the U.S. and around the world. Maryanne's philosophy is "Great relationships begin within!"

She leads popular workshops and seminars for men and women, and has had a private practice as a clinical hypnotherapist for more than 20 years. She is the author of the award-winning memoir Skinny, Tan and Rich: Unveiling the Myth. Her latest book, Hindsight: What You Need to Know Before You Drop Your Drawers, outlines the 14 critical questions to ask before you get intimate in a relationship and gives the reader six tools for their Relationship Toolbelt.

Maryanne is also the founder of a leading non-profit, The National Action Organization, a 501(c)3 organization committed to changing the way our culture values women.