Comparing ourselves to other people - we've all done it at some point.

When you're comparing yourself to someone, your mental dialog may sound like:

Look at how great Sheila is doing! I can't believe how fast she's grown her business! I wish I could grow my business that fast. Of course, I've got [more kids, less time, less money] than she does. And then there's my volunteer work, etc....

And you might add in a bit of: And I wouldn't want what she has anyway, because I
bet she doesn't have time for her family or she's not a nice person now.

That is all one giant rationalization about why it's OK for you to stay stuck and why you
can't have what they have.

At the root of comparisons is a feeling of LACK or NOT ENOUGHNESS. The more you are secure in the knowledge that you can create whatever you need or want, the less interested you will be in what other people are doing. On the other hand, the more you believe that success is a gift that drops on some people's heads, but not yours, the more time you'll spend in comparisons.

This kind of comparison just keeps you in a downward spiral - you're envying someone else AND you're justifying why you can't have that success or wouldn't want that success!

Here's a process to help you move out of comparisons and the downward spiral, and into self-empowerment plus greater success!

First, get in touch with the good feelings that can come from witnessing the success of others. Can you find a part of yourself that enjoys seeing others' successes? Does their success bring a smile to your face? Look for that element of pleasure within yourself.

Second, see the good news message in others' success: I see that it's entirely possible for someone to achieve this. Sheila has done it, and I bet I can do it too!

The success of others can provide tangible evidence that something you're considering is entirely possible. They've done it and you can too. If you aren't sure whether you can make $250K in your field - is there someone who has done that? If so, that's tangible proof that that income is possible. If you're feeling uncertain about including your spiritual or emotional work in your business - I bet there's someone who has done that too.

Whatever someone else has achieved, instead of comparing yourself, just be glad for them and think to yourself: This absolutely CAN occur, and I bet I can do it too!

Third, ask yourself: "I wonder how she did that?"

Success leaves clues. It doesn't come out of nowhere. So look at the trail behind the success. Or better yet, ask
Sheila directly! Most people are happy to mentor others. And most people love to talk about themselves. Consider asking Sheila for a short phone call or out to coffee. Ask her about her lessons learned. What did she feel has made the biggest change in her business?

Fourth, ask yourself: "How can I adapt their strategy to me and my business?" Beware the temptation to blindly use exactly the same strategy, in the same way, which they did.

Many entrepreneurs run into problems when they totally copy someone else or use a successful person's strategy and/or materials, WITHOUT adapting it.

So when you identify some or all of the strategies someone else has used to become successful, figure out how it can work for YOU. Adapt it to your style, to your marketing strategies, to your business.

Spending time in comparison (without analyzing the success!) doesn't serve you and it doesn't serve your business either.

So take pleasure in others' success, believe that same success is available to you, and see what you can adapt to your business. That way, you'll grow your self-respect AND you'll build your business too. That's a win-win!


The next time you find yourself comparing yourself to someone else, ask yourself the following:

•What exactly am I focused on? Is it the difference between your and her success, weight, kids - what are you focused on?

•What is MY goal for me in that area?

•What is bugging me about this other person's achievement? What am I feeling is a lack in my own achievement? Is that feeling or belief actually true?

•Is there something I can be inspired to do to move toward MY own goal for this?

Author's Bio: 

Marcy Stahl’s passion is helping women direct sellers and solopreneurs achieve the successful lifestyle they want. She knows that the top entrepreneurs have the top mindsets. Her mission is to help every entrepreneur develop a profitable and abundant mindset.

Marcy is a serial entrepreneur. Previously, she co-founded and managed a government contracting firm that earned over $1M in annual revenues. She holds a B.S. with honors and M.S. in Computer Science from George Mason University. Prior to coaching, she spent 21 years in the corporate world in technology.

She is the co-author of Direct Selling Power. Marcy is an Area Chapter Coordinator with the Direct Selling Women’s Alliance (DSWA) and a member of the Direct Selling Women’s Speaker Bureau. She’s currently in coaching school for direct sellers.