If a woman is with a man who is overly focused on his mother and is out of reach emotionally, she is likely to wonder why she is even with him. Ultimately, he won’t have much time for her and even when he is around, he is unlikely to be very present.

Based on how he behaves, it will be clear that he has a number of issues and is not in a position to have an intimate relationship. She could believe that he needs to have months if not years of therapy before he is ready to start dating, let alone take the next time and have a relationship with a woman.

For Example

When it comes to why he is not ready, she could see that he lacks boundaries, neglects himself, and is out of touch with his needs and feelings, among other things. Therefore, he will need to work on these areas as well as others.

If he doesn’t, he will continue to be there for his mother and not there for himself. This is, of course, something that he will need to realise or else his life is unlikely to change.

External Feedback

If she were to talk to a friend or a family member about this area of her life, what she believes is likely to be backed up. This person could say that the man she is with needs to sort himself out.

They could also say that she needs to cut her ties with him and find a man who is in a position to have a relationship. What this will do is allow her to let go of a man who is not right for her and find a man who is.

The Next Stage

Assuming that she was to do this, she could end up with another man who is very similar to the last man that she was with. If so, she could come to the conclusion that all men are the same.

But, even if she doesn’t come to this conclusion, she could believe that, once again, the man is the one with the issues. This is something that could also be backed up by a friend or family member.

Another part

Along with this she could believe and be told that she is simply unlucky when it comes to this area of her life. Unlike her career then, for instance, she won’t have much control over this area of her life.

Additionally, she might believe that she needs to work on her self-esteem, and this could also be put forward by a friend or family member. In this case, she will just need to feel better about herself in order to find the right man.

Another Angle

However, although on one level it can appear as though the men she has been with are the ones with the issues and she just happens to end up with them, what if there is more to this? What if these men are a sign that she also has issues that need to be resolved?

Upon hearing this, she could say that she is ready to have a relationship and has her life together, for instance, so this is not possible. Ergo, as far as she is concerned, she will have just happened to end up with these men.

The Big illusion

If she has this view or one that is similar to it, it could be said that it is not much of a surprise. Her disconnected mind and her eyes will create the impression that she is merely an observer of reality.

Moreover, the view that she has of herself and what other areas of her life are like will play a part in her believing that she is different to these men. The trouble with seeing reality in this way and a self-image of having it all together is that she is not merely a passive observer of reality and she doesn’t begin and end with her conscious mind or conscious sense of herself.

A Co-Creator

What is taking place for her internally has an impact on what she experiences externally. And, when it comes to what is taking place for her internally, it relates to what is going on in both her conscious and her unconscious mind.

This is why she can have a fairly positive view of herself, and even have ‘high self-esteem, and end up with men who have all kinds of issues. These men will largely reflect what is going on for her at an unconscious level.

Another Challenge

What will also have stopped her from being aware of this is that she is likely to live in a society that is a manifestation of the illusion of separation. This will then be a society where someone will typically be described as unlucky, if ‘bad’ things happen, and, lucky, if ‘good’ things happen to them.

Seeing what is going on ‘out there’ as the issue also serves as a defence that prevents someone from having to face how they feel. Anyway, when it comes to her unconscious mind, this part of her will contain pain, unmet development needs, and parts of herself that she has rejected, among other things.

Going Deeper

A lot of what is held inside this part of her will be a consequence of what she experienced during her formative years. This may have been a stage of her life when she was deprived and deeply wounded by her mother and perhaps her father.

But, if she was, her brain would have repressed how she felt, a number of her development needs, and caused her conscious mind to forget about what took place, which would have stopped her from being able to see how her adult life is mostly a continuation of what it was like for her as a child. What takes place might be different but, she will continue to be deprived and experience the same feelings.

Awareness

If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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