Mother-Enmeshed Men: Is A Mother-Enmeshed Man Too Traumatised To Separate From His Mother?

What is clear is that if a man’s life revolves around his mother, he is not going to be able to live his own life. To use an analogy, it will be as though he is driving a car and instead of driving where he needs to go, he continually follows another car.

But, even though he will be neglecting himself, he might not be consciously aware of this. As a result, there will be no reason for him to draw the line and start being there for himself.

A Strange Scenario

If he is not aware of what is going on, it can seem odd as to how this would be possible. As he is not there for himself and this will have a big impact on him, what is going on should stand out.

However, while this will have a big impact on him, he will be consciously and unconsciously blocking out the feedback that would allow him to see clearly. This is then why he is able to continue to behave in a way that is not serving him.

The Catalyst

But, as unaware as he is of what is going on, a part of him that is not happy with what is going on can play a part in causing him to ‘wake up’. He can then go through a breakup, lose his job, or have a breakdown.

If so, this is likely to be a time when he will be in a very bad way but, over time, he can take a step back and reflect on his life. During this time, he can wonder why he is so caught up with his mother and is not there for himself.

Inner Conflict

After thinking about this, he can decide that he needs to start putting himself first. But, he might soon experience a lot of fear and anxiety, which can give him the need to go back to behaving in the same way.

Before long, he can be doing things for his mother and putting his own life to one side once again. At this point, he can feel helpless and hopeless, and he can believe that his mother is in control of him.

What’s going on?

What this can show is that he is carrying a lot of pain and that some of this pain is unlocked when he thinks about changing his behaviour, let alone changing it. It is then not that he is powerless and his mother is in control of him; no, it is that focusing on and doing what his mother wants allows him to keep this pain at bay.

What could soon enter his mind is why he is carrying so much pain that he is unable to act like a separate human being. This is likely to show that his early years were not very nurturing.

Back In Time

During his formative years, he needed a mother who generally attuned to his needs and loved him. Instead, he is likely to have had a mother who wasn’t able to consistently attune to his needs and provide him with the love that he needed.

The outcome of this is that he would have been greatly deprived and deeply wounded. To handle the pain that he was in, his brain would have repressed how he felt, along with a number of his needs.

A Brutal Time

This would have involved him disconnecting from his body and going into an emotionally collapsed and mentally disconnected state. The connection that he had with himself would have been replaced by an externally focused, false self.

Thus, this self would have been focused on his mother and doing what he could to please her. Thanks to how caught up she was likely to have been with her own needs and her lack of empathy, she was probably oblivious to the fact that she was harming her son and depriving him of what he needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Developmentally Stunted

The outcome of this is that he wouldn’t have been able to go from a dependent boy to an emotionally strong and interdependent man. He would have continued to be emotionally dependent on his mother and he would have been loaded up with pain.

This then why he can’t just live his own life as, although he will look like an adult, he won’t feel like one. This is also why, when he merely thinks about doing this, some of the pain that was repressed by his brain all those years ago will be unlocked.

Moving Forward

Taking this into account, for his life to change, he will have a lot of pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.