For a woman to have been with one man who was caught up in his mother’s world would have been tough, but, to have been with a number of men who were like this will have been even worse. Assuming that she has been in this position more than once, she might have decided to turn her back on this area of her life.

If she has, this can be seen as a natural reaction to how depriving and painful this area of her life has been. Ultimately she won’t want to go through anything like this again and focusing on other areas will be a way for her to protect herself.

A Stage

Nonetheless, even if she has done this, it might not be long until her need to experience a deeper connection with a man enters her conscious awareness. As she is an interdependent human being as opposed to someone who is completely independent and doesn’t need anyone, this is not a surprise.

And, if she does feel bad or weak about wanting to experience this, she can keep in mind that needing others is part of the human experience. She, like everything else, is not her own island.

What’s going on?

Yet, before she looks for a man to be with, what could enter her mind is that she needs to look into why she keeps attracting these types of men. If so, this will show that she doesn’t believe that she has randomly ended up with them.

Thanks to her ability to step back and desire to look into why she has had these experiences, she will gradually be able to change her life. This won’t necessarily be a smooth or straightforward process, but it is what will allow her to achieve her desired outcome.

The Alternative

On the other hand, if she simply believed that she just happened to end up with these men and that men are the problem, the chances of her changing her life are slim to none. She would be nothing more than a passive observer in this area of her life and what is going on ‘out there’ would need to change.

This would, of course, give her a target where she could direct her anger and frustration but it wouldn’t allow her to move forward. Along with her not being able to achieve her desired outcome, then, she would waste her energy and her life would pass her by.

A Trap

But, although this wouldn’t serve her in the long run, it would be a natural consequence of her having a mind that sees itself as being separate from everything and everything. Additionally, she is also likely to live in a society that is built around this sense of separation.

In this society, luck and bad luck are likely to often be seen as the reason why ‘good’ and ‘bad’ things take place. This will be based on the belief that someone or something ‘out there’ is in control.

A Big Step

Therefore, as she is not willing to accept what her mind would have her believe and what society is likely to tell her, it shows that she is on the right track. By looking into why she has had these experiences, she could end up coming across information that says that she lives in a mirror.

Her reality will then reflect what is taking place inside her own consciousness. In other words, for her to experience something externally, it needs to exist internally.

Going Deeper

She could experience resistance after hearing this but part of her might be able to accept this. If so, she could wonder how what is going on externally is a reflection of what is going on for her internally.

So, she could see that the men that she has been with were nothing like her. For example, she could say that she wants a relationship and is available but the men she has been with were the opposite.

Two Levels

What she will need to keep in mind at this point is that she has a conscious and an unconscious mind. The former is a part of her that is very small and relatively weak, while the latter is a part of her that is very big and powerful.

Ergo, as the men that she has been with don’t reflect what she is like or what is taking place in her conscious mind, they are likely to reflect what is taking place in her unconscious mind. In this part of her, she is likely to carry an inner model, along with the feelings that go with this model, that relate to a relationship where someone is emotionally out of reach and unable to love her.

Back In Time

If this model exists inside her, it is likely to show that this was how it was for her as a child. During her formative years, her mother and/or father may have been emotionally out of reach and unable to provide her with the love that she needed to grow and develop in the right way.

This stage of her love would have deprived and gravely wounded her. What happened will be in the past and will have been forgotten about by her mind, but it will have left a mark on her consciousness and a big part of her will still be trying to receive what she missed out on all those years ago.

A New Experience

Her brain will have blocked out what happened to allow her to keep it together and function, not to cause her to suffer. The downside to this is that she will have forgotten that she had forgotten about this stage of her life and been unable to that this area of her life is a continuation of how it was for her as a child.

A big part of what is likely to allow her to move on from this stage of her life is for her to face and work through the pain and experience the unmet developmental needs that she had to repress. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If a woman can relate to this and she is ready to change her life, she may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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