Mother-Enmeshed Men: Does A Mother-Enmeshed Man Feel Like His Mother’s Possession?

What will be clear, if a man’s life revolves around his mother and meeting her needs, is that he is more like an extension for her than a separate being. Consequently, he will be turning his back on himself.

But, although he will be depriving himself by living in this way, this can just be what is normal. If this is the case, he can be oblivious to the fact that he is out of balance and is living in the wrong way.

External Feedback

Even so, if a friend or family member were to point out what is going on, it doesn’t mean that he would be able to hear what they are saying. He could end up dismissing what they say and even accuse them of having something against his mother.

Alternatively, he could listen to what they have to say and agree with them but he could carry on behaving in the same way. Over time, though, what he is told could have an impact on him.

The Next Stage

He could have moments when he thinks about what was said and how he is not taking care of his own needs. During this time, he could wonder why he is so caught up with his mother.

Yet, if he were to imagine saying no to her and spending more time meeting his own needs, he could end up feeling guilty and ashamed. Not only this, but he could have the sense that he is not allowed to do this.

His Inner Experience

Based on what happens inside him, living his own life will be wrong and his mother will own him. Taking this into account, it is not a surprise that he will be focusing on his mother and abandoning himself.

If, on the other hand, he felt comfortable putting his needs first and knew that he owned himself, his life would be radically different. At this point, it can seem strange that he would be this way.

The Truth

Ultimately, it is not wrong for him to put himself first and live his own life. What should feel wrong is abandoning himself and being there for his mother.

Also, he should have a felt sense that he owns himself and that it is up to him what he does with his time and energy. His mother doesn’t own him or have the right to his time or energy.

What’s going on?

However, as confused as he can be about what is going on, if he were to reflect on his early years, it might soon make sense. That is, of course, if he is able to remember what took place at this stage of his life.

If he can’t, it will show that his brain has blocked out what took place in order to protect him. Another part of this is that he could believe that his mother loved him and that this stage of his life wasn’t that bad.

Going Deeper

Now, assuming that he is not totally defended and is able to remember some of what took place, what might soon stand out is how similar his adult life is to how it was for him as a boy. He might see that this was a time when he was typically focused on his mother’s needs and doing things for her.

Along with this, he could see that he spent a lot of time listening to her talk about her problems and providing emotional support. And, if when he expressed himself, he might have generally been punished in some way.

The outcome

If this is what took place, a stage of his life when he needed an attuned and loving mother would have been a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded. He would have been forced to adapt to her and meet a number of her needs.

To handle what took place, he would have lost touch with how he felt and a number of his needs, which would have caused him to lose touch with his body. The connection that he had with his embodied, true self would have been replaced by a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

The Message

He would have also come to believe that his needs and feelings were bad and that he was here to meet his mother’s needs. If his father was around, he might have acted like an extension of his son’s mother and punished him if he didn’t please her.

This would have strengthened his view that he had no right to express himself and live his own life. There would then have been the impact that his mother and father had on his inability to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being, who had a strong sense of autonomy.

Moving Forward

His mother was probably also greatly deprived and deeply wounded during her formative years, with this being the reason why she was unable to provide him with what he needed and moulded him into a being who would serve her. As for his father, his childhood is unlikely to have been any better.

For him to reconnect to and freely himself and to know that he own himself, he is likely to have pain to face and work through and beliefs to question, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.