Mother-Enmeshed Men: Can A Mother-Enmeshed Mans Emotional State Be Controlled By His Mother?

Even though a man will be physically separate from his mother, it doesn’t mean that he will act like it. This is also likely to mean that he won’t feel emotionally separate from her either.

He will then often be doing things for her and his emotional state will largely be defined by her. Now, this could be something that he is not aware of, or he could be aware of what is going on.

One Experience

If he is aware of what is going on, he could wonder why he is so caught up with her and why she has so much control over how he feels. What he could find, if he were to think about asserting himself and not doing what she wants, is that he starts to feel anxious.

He could also end up experiencing guilt and shame. He is then not just going to be able to assert himself and feel at ease after; his inner world will end up being completely disrupted.

Looking Back

And, if he were to think about when he has said no to her or hasn’t been able to do something for her, he could find that he felt very uncomfortable. He might have found it hard to concentrate after.

His sleep might have been disrupted and he might have had a strong need to be there for her. What he did in one moment would then have impacted him for a little while afterwards.

Another Outcome

He might also think about how, when he was last in a relationship, there were moments when he wasn’t able to be there for his mother. Consequently, he might have found it hard to be present.

He could see that as he felt so bad about letting his mother down, that he wasn’t able to be there for his girlfriend afterwards. His girlfriend might have also noticed this, with her pointing out that he seemed distant.

A Different Outcome

At the same time, if he is currently in a relationship, he probably won’t need to think too far back to remember a time when he has been in this position. As this experience is clear in his mind, he could find that he has a strong need to please his mother.

Most likely, his girlfriend will be, at the very least, frustrated about what is going on. She might feel as though she is in a relationship with a man who is also with another woman.

What’s going on?

At this point, he could wonder why he is unable to say no to her and simply live his life without feeling emotionally unsettled. To find out what is going on, he can use his imagination.
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When he imagines saying no to her and connects to how he feels after, he can find that the reason he feels so uncomfortable and has a strong need to please her is because he feels as though his survival is under threat. If, then, he doesn’t act like an extension of her and meet her needs, his life will come to an end.

A Strange Scenario

What might enter his mind, after coming to see this, is that this is totally irrational. But, as he is a man, not a powerless and dependent boy, and his survival doesn’t depend on his mother, he shouldn’t feel this way.

Even so, if what took place during his formative years was taken into account, he might gradually understand why he is this way. This is likely to have been a time when he was greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

Back In Time

Practically from the moment that he was born, he might have missed out on the care that he needed. He might have often been left and when he did receive attention, he might have largely received misattuned care.

Right from the beginning, then, he had to adapt to her needs and as time passed, he might have had to meet a number of her needs. The outcome of this is that he wouldn’t have received what he needed to be able to go from a dependent to an interdependent human being.

Developmentally Stunted

Thanks to this, his survival will still be attached to his mother, which is why he feels unsettled when he doesn’t do what she wants and settled when he does. If he had received what he needed, he would have developed a separate sense of self and would know, at the core of his being that his survival doesn’t depend on his mother.

For him to emotionally separate from her, he will have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience, among other things. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.