What is clear is that a man can only have one life; he can’t have two or more lives. Therefore, if he spends a lot of time doing things for his mother, it is naturally going to have a negative impact on his ability to have a life that is fulfilling.

In fact, due to how caught up he is in his mother’s world, he might not have much of a life. He is then not going to be there for her from time to time; he will spend a lot of time being there for her.

A Big Difference

Compared with a man who is only there for his mother from time to time, his life is going to be very different. This man will still be able to be there for himself and this will allow him to have a life that is fulfilling.

In this case, his mother will be more like his mother as opposed to his daughter. His energy will be going towards her, then, but he won’t be directing so much of his energy that there is practically none left for himself.

It’s not clear

However, although the man mentioned previously is behaving in a way that is not serving him, he might not be consciously aware of what is going on. Consequently, there will be no reason for him to do anything about what is going on.

Then again, he could realise that he often feels tired and washed out. This could be put down to him working too hard or just suffering from depression, for instance.

The Wrong Direction

He could end up taking something to have more energy or go on medication to feel better. But, even if he does go down this path, it won’t allow him to deal with the real reason why he is not in a good way.

He will simply be focusing on the symptoms that have arisen as a result of living a life where he has abandoned himself. If he was to become aware of what is going on, how he experiences life would soon make sense.

Waking Up

If he is not consciously aware of what is going on, it is likely to show that he has been this way for a very long time. For him to see clearly, then, something fairly significant might need to take place.

Nonetheless, as how he is behaving is not serving him, it is to be expected that, sooner or later, something will happen. Ultimately, his true self won’t allow him to turn his back on himself forever; it will make itself known in one way or another.

Reading the Signs

He could have a breakdown, a serious illness, a job loss, or a breakup, for instance. At this point, it will be up to him to face what is going on, look into why this has happened and then to change his life.

The reason for this is that his true self can cause him to have a fall but that doesn’t mean that he will be transformed by it. Depending on what takes place, of course, he could still end up going back to how he was before.

Stepping Back

Now, if he was to have a setback and this didn’t totally take him out, he could end up looking into why his life is so draining. Before long, what could stand out is that he doesn’t take care of himself.

He could see that he does too much for his mother and is more like her parent than her son. But, even though he will have had enough, he could still feel a strong pull to be there for her.

A Closer Look

If he imagines going against this pull and spending more time being there for himself, he could feel anxious and fearful, and he could feel guilty and ashamed. From this, what will stand out is that living his own life is seen as a threat to his survival and as something that is bad.

What this shows is that something is not right as he should be able to live his own life without feeling as though he is going to die and without feeling that he is doing the wrong thing. After he has become aware of this, he could wonder why he is this way.

Going Deeper

In all likelihood, he didn’t receive what he needed during his formative years in order to develop a strong sense of self. So, instead of being able to attach to his mother and receive the nutrients that he needed to grow and develop in the right way, he was probably used to meet some of her adult and unmet developmental needs.

And, as he was unable to attach to her, it wouldn’t have been possible for him to gradually emotionally separate from her either. What this demonstrates is that he wasn’t born with a fully formed sense of self; this was something that needed to be developed.

A Brutal Time

Assuming that his mother did use him in this way, he wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on as he was powerless and totally dependent. His only option was to lose touch with his true self, so his feelings and a number of his needs, and to develop a disconnected false self.

Under this false self, which had to be focused on his mother’s needs to try to stop him from being rejected and abandoned, would have been the pain and unmet developmental needs that he had to repress. The years would then have passed but below this false self will be many deeply wounded child parts and these parts will keep him anchored to this stage of his life.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -