If you have experienced miscarriage, you know that feeling that keeps nagging you - what did I do wrong? Why did my baby have to die inside me? Unfortunately, there is no reason and yet we upset ourselves, looking for the one alcoholic drink we had before we knew we were pregnant or if life had not been so stressful, maybe my baby would have stayed. These are natural thoughts that run through our minds and are an important part of the grieving process. Our desire for a baby is so strong that the universe suddenly puts pregnant women in our vision, it seems that "everyone" is pregnant, thus rubbing our inadequacy in our faces.

Have you noticed that those around us seem to think we should just "get over it"? As if there is a timeline for grief! But I guess there is less patience for women who suffer miscarriage because there was no baby to bury. When in fact all our hopes and dreams have been dashed.

These were my experiences.

It is important to commemorate your baby's short existence. It can be just for you or to share with your partner. Your miscarried baby is part of your history. The pain will reduce in time but never fully goes away. You have created an angel.

But it is important that you do not become consumed in your grief because it is a very dark place to be and ultimately, if you fall into a deep depression, you may have to go on medication which will delay a further pregnancy. Thereby compounding your grief and depression further.

Getting pregnant again is now tinged with sadness and fear because you know there may not be a happy ending and part of you is afraid to hope, thereby instilling a fear. Failing to fall pregnant can further compound your upset as each month as each period is another reminder that you failed to become pregnant. You may find yourself further withdrawing from those around you and finding that social occasions are events to annoy you as you fail to find fun in anything around you. This withdrawal can affect your relationship with your partner. Men like to provide solutions and can find it difficult to understand the depth of your emotional upset. This does not mean they are unsupportive but may find the lack of desire that is side effect of sadness difficult. It is important to remember why you fell in love and remind yourself of the love between you to give you a sense of security.
Hypnosis can help you to lift the burden of grief so you do not suffer alone. You are in a safe environment to express your fears and address them to enable you to heal. This is where hypnosis comes. It is a beautiful relaxation that opens a special connection to the subconscious mind.

While no-one can promise you a baby, you will find comfort in knowing that you were in the best place emotionally and physically to conceive a baby. Sometimes it is just about being able to rest deeply to allow the mind and body to repair and recuperate from your loss. In this way, you can think about is and what can be and how your baby would enrich your life.

Author's Bio: 

Zita Stanley is certified Hypnotherapist/Psychotherapist with clinics in Dublin and Limerick. She has appeared on Irish TV shows such as "Health of the Nation" and "How Long Will You Life?" and has been published in health magazines and newspapers. www.zitastanley.com