To make our marriage better and enjoy intimacy in our marriage,one important thing we need to know about ourselves and our partners is to understand our sexual desires, how we are sexually wired, the way we act and do what we do. Why some want sex often, others don’t. This may have to do with our sex grouping. This will go a long way to affect the way we see and take sex and the way we relate to our spouses.

A lot of things combine to determine the group we or our partners belong. Some of these are temperaments, exposures, tradition, customs, knowledge, past life, situation of marriage, parenting, love life, state of health, religious backgrounds, associations, environment and gender. Another thing I want us to know about sexual grouping is, though we all have the group which we belong but it can be altered and changed for better or worse through our experience, age, knowledge, situations of marriage, crisis reconciliation, etc.

· Group one: Frigid/impotent group: Here, passion is non-existent. It is like the sex cell is dry. No sexual desire. In fact, a frigid person may hate sex with passion, or may want it, but the body will just refuse to respond.

Frigidity is found mostly in women while impotency is found among men. A frigid woman may not respond to the man, no matter what he does during foreplay. Women in this group see sex as “difficult issue”

· Group Two. Low sensitive group: These are the people who are not frigid. They enjoy sex if they are ready for it and the atmosphere is clear, with good foreplay from their mate to put them in the mood. This group desires sex between one and three times a month. Most married women, especially the choleric, melancholy and phlegmatic are found in this group.

Effect: most men are not in this group but women are. Without adequate knowledge and training, bedroom will always be turned to battle field if women remain in this group.

When they have not learnt to use their mind positively, it affects sex in their marriage, thereby affecting their home.

Characteristic: They do disdain sex, see it as a task and wish sex is not part of marriage. They want sex only for procreation; can do without sex for months, classify sex as “non-issue”, enjoy foreplay and hand pleasuring.

Causes: Wrong use of mind, lack of knowledge, inhibition (almost everybody in this group have at least 10 inhibition. See chapter 18 to know about these inhibitions). They include hurt, hatred of spouse, stress of work, demand of parenting, difficult partner, lack of improvement, failure to give one’s sex life any attention.

Cure: Training, reading of books on marriage and sex, attendance of couple’s programmers, counselling, dealing with inhibitions and traditions.

Group Three: The high sensitive group: Most men are in this group just as sanguine wives are. They have higher and bigger desire for sex than people in lower sensitive group. People in this group label sex as “Important issue”.

Characteristic: They love sex. They want it at least twice a week. They are easily aroused. If not disciplined can easily fall into immorality and can become angry if their sexual needs are not met.

They count sex as one of the three things that give them fulfilment in life. They become unfriendly when their sexual needs are not met.

Comment: It is a good group. Every man should endeavour to be in this group, women too should develop themselves to get to this group. All men in this group should learn how to take “No” for an answer. Things cannot be the same every day.

Group four: The hyper sensitive group: They have higher desire for sex than the “higher sensitive group”. They are crazier about it. They are more prone to fall into temptation than the higher sensitive group. Most sanguine men are in this group. They classify sex as “life issue”.

Characteristics: Those who belong to this group want sex every other day or at least four times a week; tiredness, stress or even bereavement may not affect their desire for sex. They are likely to have constant fight with their “low sensitive” wife about sex. They see sexual denial as total denial and rejection of their manhood. They can tolerate mediocrity in any other area of life but not in the bedroom. Their wives can be in charge of their life, if they (wives) can just satisfy their bedroom desire.

Comment: People in this group should note that life is not just about sex. Thus, they should not turn their home to a battle-field because of sex.

Group five: Abnormal sensitive group (Nympho group): Like its name, it is an abnormal group, while group one is an extreme group, group two is another extreme group, people in this group have an abnormal desire for sex and sexual relationships. A young man once asked me whether it is possible for a man not to have sex in a day.

Characteristics: To the people in this group, life is a sexually wired life. They are addicted to it. They want it, day and night, can go two, three rounds before day break and that will not kill their desire for another one in the morning. It is an unusual sexual life. They can easily rape, masturbate or visit prostitutes.

Causes: Too early exposure to sex and sexual relationship. A man in this group said he started having sex with his mother’s house girl from age nine and this continued daily for more than five years. By the time the girl left their house, he had been addicted to sex, blue films, pornography, romantic books and magazines, too much exposure to sex as single, are other causes. A guy and a lady lived together in the same room on campus as “campus lover” for about five years having sex almost everyday. By the time they graduated and separated they’ve both been addicted to sex Group mating, sex for ritual, and prostitution can also cause it. A young lady was sold at a tender age into a sex slave camp during the civil war in Liberia; she was there for many years, satisfying rebels sexually on an average of four times a day. By the time she escaped, she went into prostitution, and later found a man who married her, but the young man cannot cope with the sexual desire of his wife, as she wants sex everyday at times twice or thrice a day, even when she was pregnant. Some experts say demonic affliction, association and environment can also cause it.

Cure: This is both a spiritual and psychological problem that needs to be handled professionally by experts, and can also be handled spiritually through deliverance, prayer and exposure to the word of God. People in this group should see it as problem and treat it as such and get themselves delivered.

Now that you know the group you belong and that of your spouse, it is time to use the knowledge to improve your bedroom life. Lower sensitive wives, should know that it will be a crime to remain in that group as it could cause constant quarrels in their homes. Wisdom demands that you should work on yourselves to become better. Husbands in this group should also improve their performance, most especially if their wives are in higher and hyper sensitive groups. What to do:

- Accept your partner the way he/she is. Stop complaining; that will not be of help and it will affect your sexual response – to him/her.
- If there is anything that is turning you off from your spouse, sit down with him/her and discuss them in the spirit of love.
- Pray about your sex life, pray for improvement
- Develop closeness and intimacy
- Develop togetherness, do things together, talk, laugh, joke, pray and play together.
- Bath together regularly.
- Forgive your spouse generously
- Go for reconciliation instead of retaliation
- Use preplanned sex system.
- Release your mind to love your spouse and see sex as a binding force of marriage
- Desire to grow your sex life; improve by all means. Never remain stagnant. Be a better ‘lover as you make your home a place to be
- Always remember that the group you belong is a matter of choice, you can change for better.
- Look forward to having sex with your spouse and make your home a joyful place.

Author's Bio: 

Bisi Adewale is an international conference speaker on marriage and family life, the author of these best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife, Hot and Sizzling Marriage, 20 Highways to a Successful Marriage, Before you say I Do, and more than 60 other best selling books on marriage, singleness, intimacy, sex, love, relationship, parenting and family life.

He is the president of Family Booster Ministry and College of Marital Success (CMS) (Africa’s Premier Marriage Institute), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.

Bisi Adewale also hosts the popular Lagos Couples’ Conference and breakthrough for singles summit, get a free book from him at, you can buy his books on or, join him on