I love words - "I use two packs of words a day" is a great line I heard at a poetry slam. And yet, people derive 60% - 80% of our meaning (our intentional meaning or our unintentional meaning) through something OTHER than our words!

Here are just a few words associated with each feeling.

Signs of comfort Signs of discomfort

calmness anxiety
closeness distancing
openness occlusion (or closing)
joy anger
trust doubt
responsiveness hesitation

Because my goal as a business coach is always to increase sales for my clients, I want to share some ways to create comfort with your prospects.

1. Mirror your prospect VERBALLY. In verbal mirroring, you use their exact language when you speak with them. If they talk about being "worried about money", you can talk about how your work or offer can help them "stop worrying about money". The key here is to move out of YOUR language and into THEIR language. You may like to talk about "creating financial security" but if they are "worried about money", then you will talk about how to "stop worrying about money". If your language is quite different from your prospect's, you may actually increase their DISCOMFORT level.

2. Mirror your prospect PHYSICALLY. Many women do this unconsciously. When our conversation partner is talking about something joyful or exciting, our faces light up as we listen. When our conversation partner describes a distressing event, we wrinkle our face and we look sad in sympathy with them.

Another component to physical mirroring is to mirror the body position of your partner. If their legs are crossed, you cross your legs in the same direction. If they lean in, you lean in. This will amplify what they are feeling, so naturally the one exception is that you don't want to mirror closed-off or defensive body language. If they hug their torso with their arms in a protective way, or they turn away from you, you certainly don't want to mirror, and therefore amplify, their discomfort.

3. Consider whether the physical environment you are in is adding to their comfort level or to their discomfort level. Is the physical place in which you two are meeting conducive to calmness, serenity, and relaxation? Or to anxiety, turbulence, and tension? Whatever is under YOUR control in the environment, take a close look at the impression it creates. I have a friend who recently visited a highly qualified doctor and decided to never return, because both his staff and the physical contents of his office were completely disorganized.

4. Beyond your body language, make sure your other nonverbals are increasing your prospect's comfort. These other nonverbals include your attitude, your manners, your dress, and more.


Traditional sales conversations can bring up a lot of anxiety for you AND for your prospect. To help keep both of you comfortable, try the tips above.

Author's Bio: 

Marcy Stahl’s passion is helping women direct sellers and solopreneurs achieve the successful lifestyle they want. She knows that the top entrepreneurs have the top mindsets. Her mission is to help every entrepreneur develop a profitable and abundant mindset.

Marcy is a serial entrepreneur. Previously, she co-founded and managed a government contracting firm that earned over $1M in annual revenues. She holds a B.S. with honors and M.S. in Computer Science from George Mason University. Prior to coaching, she spent 21 years in the corporate world in technology.

She is the co-author of Direct Selling Power. Marcy is an Area Chapter Coordinator with the Direct Selling Women’s Alliance (DSWA) and a member of the Direct Selling Women’s Speaker Bureau. She’s currently in coaching school for direct sellers.