How can you respond confidently when someone makes a request you’d prefer not to accommodate?

The question has just been posed. Pause. Was your inclination to say yes, even though there’s a voice deep down saying “no”? What possible reasons could there be for saying no?
It’s beyond your means?
It’s beyond your comfort level?
You have no interest?

Identify all the reasons you have for saying “no.” Identify which stem from a lack of confidence, versus a sincere disinterest in fulfilling the request.

What would happen if you said yes? Perhaps:
You would be considered a team player
It would make your boss happy
Your visibility with higher-ups would be improved

Would the discomfort involved in saying yes outweigh the benefits of possibly going along with the request? Or, do the benefits outweigh your temporary discomforts?

Saying “no” is hard for many of us. Guilt often comes into play. Whether this guilt has its foundation in religion, a proper upbringing, or a worldview that simply says “it’s not nice to say no”, we often recognize it and make decisions we’d rather not be making, based upon it.

You’ve made the decision, after scientifically weighing the results of your cost/benefit analysis, to honestly say “NO”. Well, go ahead and say it clearly, and self-assuredly.….in the mirror. Look yourself in the eye, and do it. Just say “NO.”

Say it like you really mean it, and then say it again as you would to whomever made the request of you. When you pretend you’re speaking to the person who made the request, does it come out differently? Practice and experiment with different ways to say “NO” until you find one you’re comfortable with.

Then go, and say “NO.”

If you’re used to giving in to others, then guess what? After all that practice, you may just be surprised to find that they are not willing to accept it! They may push, rephrase the question, or make a new, not altogether different, request. Know your boundary—what ARE you willing to do? Revisit the questions you asked yourself before. If you are serious about saying “NO” then stick to your guns. Tell the individual making the request that you would appreciate it if they respected your wishes, and ask them to refrain from pursuing it further. If you are comfortable expressing your “reasons why” then do so speaking from your personal perspective.

If you are going to say NO, you must say it in a way that means NO! In a firm, yet polite voice. Also, if you want to say the reasons why, keep it short and sweet. When saying NO remember the power of non-verbal communications. Look the person in the eye when you say the NO. Shake your head at the same time as saying NO. Stand up tall. Use a firm tone in your voice.

Don’t forget that when anyone asks a question of you, you are perfectly OK to say, “Can I think about that and get back to you”. No-one should be pressurised into giving an immediate answer. It will give you some time to think it through and to gather your thoughts. It will also give you some time to think about how you are going to say it, the words to use and your body language.

Practice makes perfect as they say! What I would like you to do for the next 7 days is to start to say NO more often. You will be an expert come the end of the week!

You will feel much more confident and proud.
You will find that practice makes perfect—the more you confidently say “NO” the easier it becomes.
Others will respect your wishes and take you seriously the first time you say “NO.”
You won’t find yourself doing things you never wanted to do in the first place.
You’ll have more time to focus on the things you do want to be involved in.
The list goes on from there…

Author's Bio: 

Maggie was born in Braintree, Essex, an illegitimate baby, put up for adoption and left in a children’s home. She was adopted and brought up in Barkingside, Essex with an older brother and was sent to a private school at age 11 and achieved all the qualifications necessary to become a secretary. Her first job at the age of 16 was with the Legal & General Assurance Society in London where she started out as a shorthand typist, progressing to personal secretary by the time she left to have her family at age 22. Maggie had married at the age of 19 and had three children. In the 1970s Maggie became a Special Constable for three years in the Metropolitan Police. Unfortunately this marriage did not last and she was divorced and then remarried at age 32 and moved to Southend-on-Sea, Essex.

Returning to work when the children were old enough, Maggie worked for the NHS as the secretary to four Clinical Nurse Managers at Rochford Hospital in Essex, and then as the secretary/PA to a Professor of Thoracic Medicine at The London Chest Hospital and subsequently the secretary/PA for a Consultant Psychiatrist at Parklands Hospital in Basingstoke, where she had moved to from Southend-on-Sea in Essex when the children had all left home.

Maggie relocated to the Isle of Wight in 2003, having had a holiday home there since 1998, which was intended to be a retirement home. The move was prompted by the premature death of her next door neighbour just before her 60th birthday.

Maggie started her own secretarial business on the Island, working from home, aimed at small businesses who didn’t want to or could not afford to employ another person. This has built up from just 1 customer based on the Island in 2004 to over 60 clients based all over the world currently.

Whilst on a Business Link course in 2004 Maggie met someone who was undertaking a Life Coaching course with Newcastle College, and it was free at that time. It sounded interesting to her and she had nothing to lose, so she took their two free courses, Certificate in life coaching and Diploma in life coaching, and successfully qualified as a Personal Life Coach. Maggie also discovered that she not only loved coaching but she was very good at it.

Maggie bumped into Jonathan Jay, founder of the Coaching Academy, who she remembered from his stage hypnotic act some ten years before in the holiday camps on the Isle of Wight, at a Small Business Exhibition at the NEC in 2005 and he suggested that she join him at the Coaching Academy to gain even better qualifications, which she did and successfully qualified as a Corporate & Executive Coach.
Maggie met Dawn Breslin through the Coaching Academy and loved the work she did and the way she did it, and took three courses with her to become an Advanced Confidence Coach and a Group Trainer. She loves this even more than just coaching.

More recently Maggie was licensed by Susan Jeffers to present her workshops based on her book “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. This is really effective. Maggie met Susan in November 2008 in London and found her to be spiritual and positive.

Maggie is on a mission to inspire everyone to find and live their passions - to be their authentic, true self. She feels her job is to be responsive, flexible and enabling, to draw out the star in people. In particular, she is skilled in rebuilding people's self-esteem and confidence, enabling them to develop to their full potential. To do all this requires a holistic, lively approach to personal and professional development, from the delivery of the training and coaching through to on-going support. And she is interested in results – no ifs, no buts.

Maggie recently published an e-book entitled ‘7 Steps to re-building confidence in yourself’ which is selling well from her website. Hew lastest book 'WHAT YOU BELIEVE CREATES YOUR REALITY. THE GUIDE TO CREATING THE REALITY YOU WANT' is currently out to publishers.