Is There Such a Thing as "Unconditional Love?"

Basically, the answer is "no." Here's how I came to that conclusion:

I recently read a “tweet” on Twitter stating “Unconditional love is given by dogs & sought by children. Adults get what they get.” I was immediately prompted to “tweet” back, “Love is never unconditional. It should always be conditioned on respect, caring, loyalty, & making sure you get it back in return.”

When I talk with singles who are frustrated in their search for a committed relationship, the demand for “unconditional love” frequently comes up. “All I want is for her to love me as I am,” a 40-year-old single man recently told me. So while I believe everyone certainly deserves to be loved, I believe it unreasonable to expect that another adult will love you without any conditions. That’s because the creation of an intimate adult relationship requires both parties to understand and adapt to each other’s differences.

As I responded to the question “Isn't there someone out there who'll love and accept me unconditionally?" in my article on the Law of Attraction, I say "Yes, and that would be your mother." Or, as the “tweeter” above observed, unconditional love is given by dogs and sought by children.

I don’t believe that any healthy, mature person really wants to marry their mother (or a dog) in order to feel loved. Singles want to be accepted for both their strengths and their limitations. They want partners who will appreciate their virtues and share their interests and life goals. Most of all, they want partners who will complement and enhance their lives.

In order to attain this type of complementary, reciprocal relationship, singles need to have the essential personal qualities that are necessary to enhance a relationship’s development and longevity. Some of these necessary qualities are: respect, caring, loyalty and generosity. Coupled with the commitment to create a working partnership, love then has the potential to grow exponentially.

For many, this is a tall order. It means being less selfish and narcissistic. Yes, I throw out that big psychological word here in order to make a point—the less self-involved and needy you are, the greater your capacity to give and to receive love. Most importantly, people need to focus less on what they’ll get in a relationship and more on what they have to give. As your relationship progresses, you’ll find the places where your strengths make up for each other’s weaknesses, and where your giving can build the greatest and most rewarding connection.

People, and most importantly, singles looking to create a life partner relationship, have to keep in mind that they have evolved OUT of the animal kingdom. Thankfully, we reside in a place where the potential to create meaningful bonds, and to find love, is conditioned merely on being human.