Recently I had an EFT session with a young man who had a few issues, including getting over a breakup that happened a month ago and was particularly hard for him. We focused on other issues which seemed more pertinent and towards the end of the session, he felt that the only issue left, and which we have not dealt with yet, was his feelings about the breakup.

"I'm afraid that another guy would appear in her life... " He shared with me. Even though we only had a few minutes left, I decided to just tap with him on these feelings and see where it led us. After a couple of rounds of tapping, I asked him how he now felt.

He thought for a while, and then he replied, "I think I just want her to be happy, even if it means that she is with another guy... " And just as I was celebrating silently inside me about how quick EFT really works, he continued, "... but there is still a part of me that doesn't want her to be with another guy."

Oh well. Guess I was rejoicing too soon!

Even though we have already done lots of tapping for almost 2 hours, I convinced him to tap some more on these mixed feelings, promising him that it's the LAST round (he is a newcomer to EFT after all, so all these tap-tap-tap probably seemed really bizarre to him!).

After another couple of rounds of tapping, I asked him again how he felt. He told me, "I think I just want to let it go and move on... see what life brings me."

Well, that was the perfect state that anyone could be in with a recent painful breakup! And it only took less than ten minutes!

I shared with him that there is a difference between love and attachment. Attachment in a relationship always brings problems. Whereas with love, there is no problem at all, because when you love someone, you just want that person to be happy, and you are willing to just give.

He took a while to ponder over that, and then he acknowledged the truth in that, and that was indeed his experience as well. When he focused on himself, he suffered much pain, but when he focused on the other person and just kept on giving to that person, he felt great.

So the next question is, how do we decrease the amount of attachment in our relationships?

The answer is... self-acceptance.

The lack of self-acceptance is like having a cup that is empty, and as a result, one is constantly looking towards others to fill one's own cup. That is the reason why we have attachment in our relationships. It is why we get unhappy when others don't behave in a certain way, or say certain words, because we expect them to fill up our cups so that we are able to feel good.

However, when we accept ourselves fully, we have a cup that is full. That is when we stop "loving" them because we want them to fill up our cup. Instead, we love them because... we just do! In fact, when we have a cup that is not only full but overflowing, then we only want to give to others, and fill up their cups, not because they expect us to but because we naturally want to. When we accept ourselves from the depths of our hearts, our relationships flourish, and even if there are those who choose to leave our lives for their own reasons, we are able to let them go with grace and blessings of love.

So is your cup full or empty? Are you still waiting for others to fill up your cup or are you more interested in filling up other people's cups because your cup is already abundant?

Perhaps you can check by doing an intuitive exercise right now. Yes! Don't just read... DO the exercise and then, TAP! Get into a quiet state and close your eyes, and then ask how full is your cup now. Some of you may see an image of your cup with a certain level of contents. Some of you may see a number percentage indicating the fullness of the cup. Whatever form the answer may come in, just be open to it and let it come to you.

And if your cup is anything less than 100% filled, I invite you to do the following tapping exercise:

Tapping on the Karate Chop point, say "Even though my cup is not 100% filled, I deeply and completely forgive myself and all the people in my life who has contributed to this directly or indirectly, and I am open to the possibility that from this moment on, my cup will start to fill up more and more everyday until it is 100% filled, so that I will be able to love the people in my life without attachment."

Tap on the remaining EFT points noticing the thoughts and emotions that arise as you do so. Finish off by tapping 2-3 rounds of the EFT points and saying "Filling my cup now" at each point.

Some of you may need to do this exercise more than once for a few days. Lack of self-acceptance is a very global issue that many people face, and it may not be easy to tap it away on your own. If you wish to release these feelings of lack of self-acceptance more quickly, I invite you to email me at to arrange for a session to fill up your cup!

Author's Bio: 

Lena Chen is an experienced EFT practitioner and author of "Emotional Freedom at your fingertips: How to get from PISSED to PEACE in mere minutes with Emotional Freedom Techniques" as well as creator of the EFT Affirmation Cards. Her expertise lies in helping her clients to heal chronic pains, relationship conflicts and depression. With her keen intuition, compassion and the wonderful efficacy of EFT, she has helped hundreds of people to heal themselves, thus improving their self-esteem, health and relationships. To find out more about Lena, please visit her website at or contact her at