Many couples lack some basic courtesies needed to build intimacy in marriage. Rudeness, careless words, disrespect for one's spouse, criticisms, public embarrassment do not portray politeness.

Before the wedding, most singles ensure they are courteous as they put their partner ahead of their desires. They are consumed by the passion to make their intended spouse feel good about them. Once the ceremony is over, courtesy dwindles until mutual honour and respect is annihilated.

Painting a picture of his wife, Mr Jones went thus; “Pastor, I am tired of my wife because she is too fat for my liking. She is formless and shapeless like an amoeba. Urgh! Her appearance is killing me,” he said with disgust written all over his face. As though a cat caught my tongue, I was speechless but as soon as I overcame the initial shock, I responded, “Mr Jones, I think you are exaggerating. Is your wife that fat? The new response left my mouth aghast. He said, “Man of God, I pray your wife is never as fat as mine. Not to worry when she comes around, you would see for yourself. She is one of those fat women who sit in the toilet seat and the toilet flushes in anger.” Obviously pleased by the amazed expression on my face. He continued “Yes, we have situations where the toilet will be angry because of the weight it is carrying. It starts to flush itself in annoyance when man-mountain and hippopotamus women like my wife sit on them.

By the time he was done, my curiosity to see his wife heightened. I was really looking forward to see the man-mountain woman.

Five minutes later, the woman called from the car park asking him to come lead her to my office. I looked out the window but the woman I saw was slightly fatter than my wife. Going by the description he gave, I told him his wife wasn't outside. As the persistent call from his wife continued, he joined me at the window and confirmed that the woman I saw was really his wife. That was unbelievable.

His voice shouting at the woman to walk fast and “stop walking like an overloaded trailer” brought me out of the shock. How can a man be this impolite and unkind with words?
This is the situation of many marriages today.

Why is it that we deeply hurt people we once said we love dearly? No marriage can be a success without politeness. It is impossible. We can't be hurting each other, eating up each other and think we will both grow in love and grace. That is why the Lord commanded both husband and wife to respect and honour each other.

Let's check what the Lord commanded husbands to do:

“Likewise ye husband, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving HONOUR unto the wife as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life that your prayers be not hindered”. (1Peter 3:7). This commandment is for husbands to HONOUR (be polite) their wives.

Likewise the Lord commanded wives to respect their husbands. “And let the wife see that she REVERENCE her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

To be polite means you are behaving or speaking in a way that is correct for the social situation you are in and showing that you are careful to commanding other people's needs and feelings. To be polite in marriage simply means you behave and speak in an appropriate manner to your husband or wife. You carefully consider your spouse's opinions, feelings and needs.

Most of us are polite to strangers, neighbors, passers-by but are fond of hurting our spouses with our words.

To have a successful marriage, to build a better home and to have intimacy in your marriage and make your family a blissful one, everyone involved must pass the highway of politeness. You can't be too nice or too polite to your mate. You can't continue to “put down” your spouse and think your marriage will grow up.

Author's Bio: 

Bisi Adewale is an international conference speaker on marriage and family life, the author of these best selling books: Secrets of an Irresistible Wife, Hot and Sizzling Marriage, 20 Highways to a Successful Marriage, Before you say I Do, and more than 60 other best selling books on marriage, singleness, intimacy, sex, love, relationship, parenting and family life.

He is the president of Family Booster Ministry and College of Marital Success (CMS) (Africa’s Premier Marriage Institute), Host of Family Booster Moments on TV, watched in many countries across the globe.

Bisi Adewale also hosts the popular Lagos Couples’ Conference and breakthrough for singles summit, get a free book from him at, you can buy his books on or, join him on