Flirting, by definition, is deliberately exposing yourself to or showing a superficial interest in someone. Sending and receiving cues is the essential in meeting a potential mate. In the past, typically, we flirted with people based on that superficial surface attraction. This time, we are going to take a different approach.

Flirting is the time to show off your best features. It’s about creating value and communication. How you communicate your interest is paramount. I suggest starting with a smile, pleasant demeanor, and being approachable.
Overt behavior is an extreme turn-off. Both men and women typically resort to sex appeal, dressing to impress or showing off assets (jewelry, cars, physical features, and money) to get someone’s attention. I caution you to remember this. Whatever you do to get someone’s attention, that is what you more than likely will have to do to keep it. Using things to attract someone is foolish and a sign of insecurity. You’re setting yourself up to be taken advantage of. There will always be someone more attractive, with more money, jewelry, and stuff. But nobody can replace your integrity or character. Those things are priceless.

Flirting isn’t a talent nor is it a skill; it is something you do to get the attention of someone who sincerely interests you. Unless your goal is to be a sex worker, this isn’t about perfecting the art of flirting. The way you conduct yourself, your charisma, and a pleasant demeanor are your calling cards.
Creating impressions and making a positive impact are the first step in getting attention. Your goal is to be noticed by the right person, not by everyone. You don’t want to seem desperate.

Looking your best says volumes about you. Well-kept people send two messages:
(1) You take care of, and care about yourself. (2) You can enhance someone else’s presence. Men and women are attracted to classy, not trashy, presentations. This is the time to be authentic, not about gussying yourself up. Never put forth an image that cannot be maintained. If you can’t wear a $500 suit every day, don’t try to. Nothing beats being yourself. The trick is consistently being the best you possible. Always wear something that is cleaned, pressed, and in style. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Also good hygiene is a must. All of the perfume in the world can’t beat brushing your teeth and taking a bath frequently. (I know some of us take that for granted, but you would be surprised how many people don’t do that on a daily basis.)

Eye contact is the first sign of interest. Use your eyes to probe for interest. Showing someone that you are excluding everyone and everything in a room creates a thrill for the person you are looking at. Make sure that you are serious; if you do this with more than one person, you will alienate them. You never know who knows whom. Nonetheless, if you do this a couple of times, you will catch someone’s eye. Depending on your style, either be bold, or gaze and look away. Do what works for you.

Give people time to react. Acting like a bull in the china shop is never a wise approach. Allow enough time to pass for the person to respond to your glance. This prevents you from looking like a fool or hitting on someone else’s mate. If the interest is mutual, the person more than likely will return the gesture or may approach you. If people are shy, get proximal to them. Some people simply don’t feel comfortable crossing a room.

Don’t be afraid to say hello and introduce yourself. People don’t like rejection, so in many instances they want to make sure that you’re really checking them out; they may be cautious. Whatever the case, saying hello and introducing yourself is the appropriate way to meet anyone. If the first few times you do this there isn’t a love connection, that’s ok. With every attempt you are improving your social skill and expanding your social circle.

Pay attention to the person’s name. Don’t forget it. The sweetest sound to people’s ears is the mention of their name. It demonstrates that you are paying attention, and truly interested in them. If you need to, write their name down on something. To avoid looking or feeling uncomfortable tell the person the reason you are writing their name down is because you don’t want to mispronounce, or forget it. It will make them feel special and take the pressure off of you.

What you talk about and how it’s presented reflects your attitudes, intellect, education, and level of compassion. Your conversation is the biggest factor in gaining the interest of another person.

By Best Selling Author and Relationship Expert,
D Ivan Young

Author's Bio: 

Relationship Expert & Best Selling Author  With an insightful yet provocative teaching style he has been hailed by millions of fans across the country as remarkable. His simple, direct and uncomplicated approach soothes bruised hearts and sparks new ways of perceiving old jaded ideas about love, romance and relationships. Angelically insightful best describes his approach to teaching, lecturing, counseling and ministry. Utilizing an authentic and engaging rhetorical presentation, his message is packaged to reach the masses; if you have a PHD or GED you won’t miss a beat hearing him speak. D Ivan Young makes complicate relationship issues seem simple and within anyones grasp. He has helped men and women of all ages, races and doctrines develop authentic, healthy, Godly, lasting relationships. He states, “Everybody deserves to be love by God and the right person, even if that person is yourself. You are somebody special. Despite what you’re going through at the moment know that there is a special plan for the rest of your life.”

Over the years D. Ivan Young has been interviewed on or featured in Associated Press Releases, CNN Radio, CBS, ABC, MSN, Yahoo News, Gospel Impact Radio, The Chicago Tribune, New York Times, Chicago Tribune, Your 15 Minutes, 24 Hour Mom, Divine Canada Women's Magazine, Sex With Sue, Your Time With Kim, CBS Television's Great Day Houston just to name a few.  He is a featured expert on 

I highly recommend his new book - Break Up, Don’t Break Down for women’s groups and singles ministries. If your getting married, going through a separation, break up or just want to rejuvenate your marriage. Visit the website at or follow him on Facebook, D Ivan Young, Best Selling Author and Air Personality. Young is highly recommended for workshops, seminars, conferences and speaking engagements.  You can contact him at