How to Deal with an Angry Manager Without Losing Face

Some compare dealing with an angry manager to taking a lava bath in hell. Whether they are angry at you or anyone else you just want to get the heck out of there! One nasty remark from your manager can easily throw you out of balance and put a damper on your entire day. Eastern wisdom traditions, such as Buddhism, compare angry people to a home on fire. Problem is… if you are a guest, you'll get burned too.

Luckily, you can teach yourself to handle any angry manager that you cross paths with. If you can arm yourself with an effective mind-set and useful skills then successfully handling angry managers will become second nature. Here are a few tips to get you started in the right direction:

1. Don’t cackle (if you generally tend to). Sometimes a defensive mechanism can be smiling at a manager who's upset at you. Its done sort of automatically, as a defense mechanism. Giant error in judgment. Whatever you do, don't smile their way if they are angry. There's nothing more annoying to the manager than to see a grinning worker when they are angry.

2. Put your ego aside if you can and address the manager’s feelings. Be genuine and avoid utilizing scripted language such as "I know how you feel." Preferably, put a bit of personality and compassion to throw them off and make them see that you genuinely care about their feelings, "Yikes, I'm not sure what to say, this is uncomfortable. (Put your hand near your heart) - I'm so sorry I put you in this position."

3. Be angry with them, not at them. Yes you read this right. Listen to them out and be on their side. Any time you match their tone of voice and be angry along with them (and not at them) they will likely automatically sense emotionally intelligent person in front of them and their disappointment will ease. You are likely to become an ally to them and they may be happier to have you on board than they may have ever expected.

4. Tackle the complaint by learning what happened; let your manager tell the whole story without you becoming defensive. "Can you tell me more how this happened?" Then listen with elephant’s ears. Look in the manager’s eyes and make sympathetic face expressions. Consider this from your own viewpoint, when you feel screwed you just have a storm of words to verbalize your feelings. This develops significant anxiety and it's only released after its permit to “vent” for a bit. Whenever your manager calms down then go ahead and explain your position in regards to what could possibly have happened.

5. Apologize profusely but firmly. Avoid sounding like that Smeagol from Lord of the Rings – “Yes master… no master…”. Many angry people nourish on the sense of having power "over" another person. Don't say "sorry" either, its much too over-used. Say something like "For what it's worth you, I truly apologize for putting you through all this trouble. I never meant for things to go this way. Let me see what I can do to fix all this."

6. Solve the problem presented to you by the manager straight away (if you possibly can) or put appropriate plans in place and set up a follow up soon.
In general, it is wise to not get emotional at the manager. If you weather out their emotional barrage of harsh words and stay relaxed they might turn embarrassed about their conduct and respect you even more. Think of a day you launched into some moaning mode and witnessed an amazing sales rep handle your drama in a peaceful and professional manner. Didn’t you secretly leave having a great amount of admiration for that individual when all the things were said and done?

In summary, perhaps the most challenging but most effective way to deal with angry managers without losing face is to learn how to control your own anger. By understanding your own causes of anger, you'll be able to relate more to others and be more caring. Most angry types count on an angry response and whenever you behave with kindness their subconscious mind freaks out and sends a signal to them that something is “off” here, "pay attention." Eventually they should succumb to a feeling of embarrassment for acting absurd and their hearts and minds will soften.

Ancient wisdom traditions advise us to follow the way of developing awareness and practice breaking a pattern of automatic reaction to anger. Take a moment and genuinely examine why that manager is angry at you. Buddha’s words were: “By looking deeply you'll be able to find out reasons that led to the person’s anger. If you find that you bear responsibility for angering the person, you will accept that your own misconduct led to their anger and won't get angry in exchange. If you are without blame then you can try to see why that person has misjudged you. Then you can find a way to help him understand your true intentions. By doing this you will avoid causing more suffering to oneself and the other person.” Good luck!