I constantly work with women who are tired of cycling through ‘bad boys’ or dysfunctional relationships. They want to find someone worth spending the rest of their lives with.

The problem is that they may not be able to identify the ‘nice guys.’ Even if they can, there is baggage they cannot see but is ‘red flags’ for the ‘nice guys’. This last aspect of dating is the hardest to handle, because those red flags are exactly what attracts Mr. Wrong.

This article is inspired from a woman I talked to this morning who has been searching for a nice guy for almost 5 years. She has found more than one, but she always sabotages the relationship because she expects the nice guys to behave with what she calls normal. In reality, she wants a nice guy who will not be alarmed if she acts like she does with the bad boys.

One of the hardest things I have to tell women who come to me for dating advice is that ‘it is you – not them.’ The world does not have a shortage of nice men, despite what you may believe. They are out there, and they are actively looking for a nice woman.

Dump the Bad Boy

Everything you do has a direct impact on your core beliefs, what you accept as normal, and how you act. It is better to be single than to let the bad boys teach you ‘bad habits.’ The first thing you need to learn is that Charm is not enough to land a nice guy. In fact, it will probably turn him off. Lust is easy to find. But it can leave us with a pile of coping mechanisms, self-protection strategies, and flirting styles that will turn the nice guy off.

You need time to learn who you are – not who you are told you are. This may take time, alone. Being single is not fun, but change will not happen without it.

Learn to Identify the Nice Guy

The only thing worse than a real bad boy is a guy suffering from Nice Guy Syndrome! They leaves many women feeling there are not real nice guys left in the world.

-Bad boys are high maintenance
-Bad boys are controlling
-Bad boys will put you down
-Bad boys blame their past relationships
-Bad boys are all drama and no substance
-Bad boys are into the hunt – and loose interest when they’ve caught you
- In a relationship with a Bad Boy it is all about them, what they want, and what you can do for them.
- They ‘act out’ and assume that a little dramatic scene of begging for forgiveness wipes the slate clean.

-Nice guys don’t chase you – They won’t stand outside your home waiting for you to come home
-They will talk more. They are interested in relationship, not casual sex.
-Strong men are use to accepting a leadership role. They are not willing to let you run the show while they wait for a chance to have sex.
-Nice guys are smart, considerate, generous, charming, has friends, can keep a job, listens to you, and shares positive thoughts and experiences with you.
-Nice guys have been dumped, but you won’t hear about it.
-Nice guys are not sitting at the other end of the phone waiting for you to call.
-Nice guys are often strong, confident, and self assured. They are not interested in games, playing them, or being dragged into yours.

Chemistry in Relationships

We’ve all heard a friend say ‘He was great, we talked forever, but I didn’t feel anything.” So there was no second date. He didn’t try to push your buttons and get you in bed – on purpose. Remember, he is a nice guy! Enjoy the journey. Real sexual attraction is built on more than ‘instant chemistry’. A real relationship builds slowly. You have to be patient. He will be checking you out and seeing if you are worth the risk.

Nice guys want Miss Right. They have the same horror stories. They want their soul mate. So be honest. Find nice friends and good people to spend your Friday nights with. You can’t present yourself in a positive light unless you know who you are, and what you want. Join groups that interest you. He will want to know that you do more than work and party.

Where to Meet a Nice Guy

Have you ever fallen madly for a guy at a club or event, only to meet him later and wonder what you ever saw in him? This is because you were on a hormone high, excited, and having fun. You missed any of the red flags the guy was waving in your face – and you probably overlooked the guy’s quiet friend, who just happened to be a nice guy.

You probably won’t meet your nice guy at a club or bar. Get interested in different projects and things that interest you. Take a course, or attend events. Just one word of caution, I’ve given this to women before only to be told ‘it doesn’t work.’

The secret is to make sure that you don’t go to a sporting event dressed to attract the bad boy, or ‘trolling’ for men. The nice guy sees this as a red flag and will stay far from you.

Misconceptions in Dating Nice Men

Most women do not know what a nice guy really is. They believe that a nice guy is a push over. They will expect the relationship to be give and take, 50/50. But they are not aggressive and overbearing. Many women want a man to take charge and do everything. This is not a healthy relationship. Instead, you should discuss what you’d like to do, negotiate a little, then accept something you both want to do.

Another thing woman rarely understands is that nice a man may see commitment as being 'held for ransom.' They don’t want to get emotionally involved with a woman who has behaviour problems and too much drama. A man will see it as easier to avoid a relationship than break one up. They are scared of new relationships. Many strong men fear only one thing – women.

Nice guys are in no rush. Patience can be the hardest thing about the relationship. I’ve talked to women who are totally confused as to why they are on date 5, or week 10, and he still hasn’t made a move. That is because he is a nice guy. You may be thinking ‘What is wrong – we just had our 10th date.’ He is thinking, ‘This is only the 10th date.’

The important thing is to give him time to make up his mind. Don’t rush him. Instead, use the time to learn about him, enjoy the journey, and have fun.

Author's Bio: 

Suzanne James has 10 years experience as an online life coach and using the telephone to facilitate her coaching strategy. She has vast experience helping clients reset their core values, make changes in their communication and relationship styles, and take back control of their lives. There is a wealth of information on her website: http://www.suzannejames.com