"I am so miserable! I am just SO MISERABLE!!"

These were the kind of thoughts and feelings I would have on a regualar basis, especially after getting married. Let me take you back a little to give you a clearer picture of my situation.

I pretty much came out of my mother's womb a shy and anxious child. My school years would be spent in a state of constant worry. About what you might ask. Well, about EVERYTHING.

I worried about getting good grades, about being liked, about having friends, etc. I just worried. That was my natural state (or so I mistakenly felt at the time). I was also extremely shy and had zero confidence. I was the one constantly dodging the teacher's eyes, thinking 'just don't pick on me PLEASE!' Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. Boy was I in a panic when it didn't!

Fast forward to my first day in college as the same shy little girl who had NO idea how the world worked and even less idea about who she was or what she wanted in life. Perfect prey for the charming, aggressive, highly intelligent boy- but most important WRONG boy- to come along and sweep me off my feet. Until this day I tell people only half-jokingly that the main reason I married him was because he just wouldn't leave me alone! I know that must sound incredibly stupid and crazy to most people but as I said I was only half-joking when I said it.

Truth is, from my perspective that was a pretty honest assessment of our situation. I was just too naive and shy to know any better (and DO better) and he was too relentless in his pursuit of me. That may even sound a bit cocky to say on my part but believe me when I say it was not flattering because deep down, WAY deep down, I knew he was completely the wrong guy for me and I was just too weak to take a stand and say NO.

Five years later we got married. Five years, and barely any growth or emotional maturation on my part since I was so caught up in my misery, I married possibly the most wrong guy on the planet for me. A professor of the English language might be appalled that I just said 'most wrong' arguing that there is no such thing as most wrong, just wrong or right but I beg to differ. He was the MOST WRONG guy for me. Over-bearing, controlling, and cocky would be the three best words I can use to describe him. I should point out however, that in all fairness I was the most wrong girl for him also. I was weak, depressed, and had no idea who I was or what I wanted from life. Talk about opposites attract!

Unfortunately in our case it was our negative qualities feeding off each other rather than our positive ones. Our marriage was okay at best, full of drama and emotional turmoil at worst (which was a lot of the time). Finally, after three years of marriage and nine years (yes nine!) together total we decided to part ways. Fortunately as agonizing and painful as the whole process was our divorce was amicable and as much as we haven't spoken in years we remain friendly. Once we decided to break up the spell was broken so to speak. We were both free to move on and actually be happy!

The next two years were spent getting to know and LOVE myself (finally!), getting to know the world, figuring out what I really wanted from life, and just having fun! It was a time of much needed, and at times VERY difficult introspection and growth. I still dated the wrong men. I even got very excited about one in particular believing he could be the one but thankfully realizing very quickly that he was a lot like my ex!

I gained so much strength and clarity within myself that as hard and painful it was at times it was perfect. I cleared out so many cobwebs and brought to light and released so much emotional baggage. Of course my soulmate would be on his way then :) At that point having discovered (or really finally realized) the law of attraction I knew deciding and getting clear about what I really wanted from a partner or anything else was of utmost importance so having learned a really great process from Patty Stanger's book "Become Your Own Matchmaker: 8 Easy Steps for Attracting Your Perfect Mate" I sat down and wrote out what was really important to me in a mate.

I got super clear on what I wanted, narrowed my list of the top 25 qualities down to ten, then narrowed that list down to what Patty calls your top five "non-negotiables" meaning that if your potential partner has even four out of those five qualities then he wasn't the one. He (or she) must have ALL five. Well what can I say except IT WORKS!!!! Just two years after breaking up with my ex-husband I met and am now very happily engaged to my lovely soulmate :) And yes he has not only all five of my non-negotiables but so much more! I have never felt better about a man or our relationship than I do now. I have also never felt better about myself. If you take away just a few things from this article I hope that they are 1) ALWAYS follow your intuition!! 2) Get really clear on your ideal partner's qualities (or anything else!), write them down (VERY powerful when you write them down), 3) and KNOW that the right one IS out there and you DESERVE a happy, healthy relationship! I finally did and it has made all the difference in the world.

Author's Bio: 

Vania Majarian is an in-demand law of attraction life coach specializing in the areas of intuition and self-love. Contact her for a FREE thirty minute sample session.