We all mess up occasionally, whether it is engaging in a self-destructive behaviour, cutting corners at work or lashing out at a good friend. And with those mistakes often come overwhelming feelings of shame, guilt, humiliation and self-condemnation. In fact, when most people think back on those actions and circumstances that they truly regret in their lives, they often get overcome with a sense of having failed as human beings. All these are common feelings to suffer before you learn to forgive yourself.

Forgiving yourself can be much harder than forgiving someone who has wronged you. Studies indicate that most people struggle with the inability to forgive themselves. Individual who are always blaming themselves for something that happened in the past invite a bundle of negativity into their lives that causes an endless, pervasive sense of unhappiness. Forgiving yourself is an essential act of moving forward and releasing yourself from the past. If you have been struggling to forgive yourself for hurting others, treating yourself negatively or being manipulative, this article will teach you how to forget your past, forgive yourself and move on.
Forgiveness is a process and not a one day event. But no matter how long it takes, there is hope. Successfully moving on with life indicates that you have accepted past trauma, forgiven its causes and are ready to apply learned lessons to future events and situations. Here are steps you can take to forget your past and forgive yourself.

Practice Self-Acceptance
No one needs to forgive you for being you, including yourself. Forgiving yourself should not be about forgiving the person that you are; rather it should be about targeting the specific things that you feel bad about. Self-acceptance is a forgiveness technique that gives you a chance to acknowledge that you are actually a good person. It doesn't mean that you have ignored your faults or stopped trying to improve yourself; rather it means that you value yourself above those elements and won’t allow your faults to impede your progression in life. You need to love yourself and give yourself a chance to heal.

Talk About It
When it comes to the past, silence can be a deadly weapon. Thus, you will need to free yourself from the bondage of holding it all in. Be sure to talk about what’s tearing you apart inside and to express the emotions that you feel to a mentor, qualified counsellor, or someone you trust. For you to forgive yourself, you ought to be honest with yourself and own up your mistakes. Be honest about how you have messed up and the consequences of your actions.

Understand That Forgiveness Is Important
Existing in a state of being unable to forgive will require lots of energy. You are constantly chewed up by fear of your vulnerability, burning with anger with the source of pain, and living with the constancy of hurt, blame and sadness. This energy deserves to be directed towards positivity and not negativity.
And since forgiveness allows you to live in the present and not the past, it affords you an opportunity to move into the future with a renewed sense of purpose focused on improvement, change and capitalizing on experience rather than being halted by past hurtful experiences.

Act In Tandem With Your Value and Morals
For you to forgive yourself and move on from past regrettable experiences, begin replacing the negative thoughts and behaviours buried within you with more positive ones that reflect your true morals and values. If you do so, you will be reaffirming to yourself that you can handle any situation and circumstance in the way that you want to.

Understand that you did your best at the time
Understand that you can neither change what has already happened nor restore lives to where they were before the unfortunate happened. Learn to accept things and circumstances as they are. The way you respond to a negative circumstance is dependent upon the skills you possess, your mind frame, and your perception of the situation at hand. Maybe you responded poorly to a situation purely out of survival mode. Or lack of objectivity. Whatever the factors, give yourself a break and learn from them. Forgive yourself and let the healing process take over.

Forgiving yourself doesn’t necessarily mean you have chosen to forget; rather it means letting go of what you are holding against yourself so that you can move on. Forgiveness can be likened to leaving behind a heavy load that has been stressing you for some time.

Author's Bio: 

My name is Frans Bouckenooghe, born in Roeselare, Belgium.
In 1980, I immigrated with my Rarotongan (Cook Islands) wife Tangata and two children to New Zealand.
I am a self employed Registered Building Surveyor. I identify and report on building defects. I love my work.
Besides work, I enjoy company of family and friends, travelling, writing and photography.

I believe that little can be accomplished in life without some investment in yourself. Keep fit, consume right, practice kindness, remain positive, and keep your curiosity up. Treat these things as similarly important to love and friendship and I think you have a much better chance to lead a happy life.

For more inspirational and motivational reading please visit my website and facebook page


Take care....................Frans