What someone may see, if they were to take a step back and reflect on their life, is that they have the tendency to fall into a deep hole when something doesn’t go as they want it to. Due to this, this will be a time when they will experience disempowering thoughts and feelings.

Along with this, their body will become weak and it will be as though they have become lifeless. This will show that their parasympathetic nervous system has been activated, with them being in a state of despair.

The Catalyst

Before they go into this state, they might have experienced a breakup, lost their job or not been able to make progress in an area of their life. Their inner state will then end up being radically different to how it was before.

Once they are down, it could take a number of weeks, months or even years before they are able to fully rise up again. Due to this, they could think about how being this way has caused them to lose a lot of their life and has held them back.

A Strong Need

At this point, they could be desperate to find a way to change their life so that they no longer keep falling down. If they were to look for answers, they could come to believe that they need to change their thinking.

The reason for this is that their ‘negative’ thoughts can be seen as what is causing them to respond in this way. Therefore, by changing their ‘negative’ thoughts to ‘positive’ thoughts, their life will gradually change.

A New Reality

After going down this route, they can find that they start to become more resilient and are less affected by setbacks. What this will do is allow them to be more consistent and thereby, to make more progress in life.

Thanks to this, what would have taken them years to achieve before might be achieved in a few months. As a result of this, they could be incredibly relieved and deeply grateful for the direction that their life is taking.

Another Reality

Then again, they might find that changing what is going on in their mind only works for a short while or doesn’t work at all. Assuming that this is the case, they could feel totally hopeless and helpless.

The hope that they are likely to have experienced when they thought that they had found a way forward, will have evaporated. What might enter their mind is that their life will always be this way and they might question if they want to carry on.

A Closer Look

Now, although they may believe that this is how their life will always be, there is a chance that they simply need to try another approach. The reason that the mental approach hasn’t worked can be because what is taking place in their mind is an effect as opposed to a cause.

However, as they are likely to live in a society that is very mind-centric, they will have come to believe that what is going on in this part of them defines how they experience life. In truth, their mind is just a small part of them and there are other parts of them that influence their life.

Going Deeper

In addition to this part of them, they also have an unconscious mind. Their conscious mind is then the iceberg, while their unconscious mind is the part of the iceberg that can’t be seen.

This means that their thoughts can create how they feel and they can unlock feelings that are held inside this other part of them. Furthermore, what is going on for them at this deeper level has an impact on how they perceive reality.

Another Angle

With this in mind, it is likely that the inner experience that they have after a setback is a replay of an inner experience they have had before. These feelings and the physical state that they go into are then not new.

And, there will be the outlook that they have that has played a part in why they have gone into this state. This will be an outlook that they are not consciously aware of.

What’s going on?

It is likely that this experience is a replay of how it was for them during their formative years. This may have been a stage of their life when one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

This would have meant that they were often rejected and abandoned, which would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. They would have felt helpless and hopeless and they were helpless and hopeless.

One Option

To handle what was going on, they would have gone into a collapsed, frozen, shut down and disconnected state. This would have stopped them from being overwhelmed with pain and allowed them to survive.

Many, many years will have passed since they were a powerless and dependent child, but, they will still carry most if not all of the impact that this had on them. This is why, whenever they experience a setback, their will inner world will respond in the same way as it did all those years ago as a big part of them won’t realise that this stage of their life is over.

Moving Forward

For them to know, at the core of their being, that they no longer need to go into this collapsed state to survive, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and instinctual responses to process. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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