Now that someone is an adult, they can have the tendency to feel bad about themselves. And, it might not matter what they do or how they live their life, as it might not change the sense of badness that they often experience.

Along with this, they can have an overly developed sense of responsibility and believe that they are more or less always to blame whenever something goes wrong. Thus, they will end up feeling worse during the moments when they hold themselves accountable for something that hasn’t got anything to do with them.

Weighed Down

To say that they will carry the weight of the world on their shoulders will be an understatement. Naturally, with all this pressure and the painful feelings that they often experience, their life is not going to be very fulfilling.

They could spend a lot of time feeling down and depressed and they might even have moments when they think about ending their life. What this will show is how beaten down they are and how unbearable their life is.


Furthermore, thanks to how they usually feel, they might have the inclination to push good things out of their life. This is not to say that they will do this consciously, though, as it can take place without them being aware of it.

For example, if they were to meet someone who treats them well and were to build a healthy relationship, it could soon come to an end. Ultimately, due to how they feel and see themselves, they won’t feel worthy and deserving of having a relationship like this.

One More

How they feel and see themselves can also stop them from moving forward in their job or career. So, they might have been at the same level for many, many years.

Or, they might have been able to take a step or a few steps forward, only to soon return to where they were before. Once again, moving forward and being successful won’t be seen as something that they are worthy and deserving of.

Stepping Back

After experiencing life in this way for however long and getting to the point where they can’t tolerate it any more, they could start to wonder why they feel so bad about themselves and are to blame for just about everything that happens. They could also look back on their life to try to find out what it is that they have done that is so bad that they deserve to be punished forever.

They might not be able to work out why they feel so bad and are to blame for just about everything or find something that they have done that is so bad that they deserve to be punished forever. What this is likely to illustrate is that their early years were anything but nurturing.

Blocked out

Their brain will have caused them to consciously forget about what happened in order to allow them to keep it together and function. The outcome of this is that what happened during this stage of their life will continue to define how they feel and see themselves but they won’t be able to join the dots, to speak.

If they were able to go back in time and have a few of the experiences that they had all those years ago, how they experience life as an adult might soon make complete sense. Throughout this stage of their life, they are likely to have often been blamed for the problems that their family had.

A Walking Target

This might have been something that only one of their parents did, or it might have been something that both of them did. Then again, one parent might have blamed them more than the other for what was going on.

Regardless of this, they would have often been seen as the problem and, thus, if it wasn’t for them, everything would have been fine. Being told off, put down, and perhaps isolated would then have been normal.

Taken To Heart

Although what was going on wasn’t their fault and one or both of their parents were probably a deeply wounded human being who might have had personality disorder, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that one or both of their parents were not in a good way and were blaming them for things that were their fault; no, it was that they were bad and deserved to be punished.

Furthermore, taking responsibility for what was going on would have given them a false sense of power and the hope that they could change what was going on if they tried hard enough. But, as they were not to blame for how they were being treated and one or both of their parents were not in a good way, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did.

The Truth

Being treated in this way would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. What they needed was for their worth and lovability to be mirrored back to them, to allow them to develop a felt sense of worth, deserving and lovability.

For them to change their life, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet development needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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