Even if someone feels worthless and unlovable, it doesn’t mean that they will be consciously aware of this. But, if this is not something that they are aware of, what is going on for them is still going to have an impact on their life.

It is likely to influence how they perceive reality, how they behave, and what they do and don’t experience. Most likely, they won’t live a life that is very fulfilling; in fact, it could be a miserable existence.

One Area

When it comes to their inner world, they could spend a lot of time feeling low and even depressed. If so, this can be a time when they will struggle to do anything and could end up delaying a lot of things that need to be taken care of.

Moreover, they could experience a fair amount of self-doubt and often talk themselves out of doing things. Offers to go out and see friends could often be turned down, too.

Another Area

As for what they do for a living, they could have a job that is soul-destroying. The people that they work with might not be very pleasant either.

But, although they won’t enjoy working there, they might not speak up or look for somewhere else to work. They are then just going to tolerate what is going on and suffer in the process.

One More

If they are in a romantic relationship, they might not be with someone who treats them very well. Then again, they could be with someone who does treat them well but they might not feel comfortable with how they are treated.

For example, they could wonder why their partner is with them and often think about how they are likely to leave them before long. As a result, they could end up unconsciously doing something to push them away.

Stepping Back

If they were to end up stepping back and thinking about their life, what might gradually enter their mind is that they don’t feel valuable or lovable. They are then not going to be worthy of having what they need and want and they won’t be able to accept that anyone can love them.

If they were to share what is going for them with a trusted friend or family member, for instance, they could be told that how they feel and see themselves is not the truth. But, even if they are told this, a big part of them is unlikely to be able to accept this.

Going Deeper

The reason why they are this way can be due to what took place during their formative years. At this stage of their life, their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and unable to be there for them.

A number of their needs would then have seldom if ever been met and this would have deprived and wounded them. These needs and the pain that they experienced by not having them met would have ended up being repressed by their brain.

The Meaning

The other part of this is that as they were egocentric and their brain was underdeveloped, they would have personalised what took place. Thus, they would have come to believe that they were worthless, unlovable and that their needs were bad, amongst other things.

In reality, how they were treated had nothing to do with how worthy and lovable they were; it was a reflection of what was going on for their mother and perhaps their father. Ultimately, they were simply unable to provide them with what they needed.

Shinning the Light

Most likely, they had also been deprived during their formative years and were not in a position to truly be there for them. With this in mind, as accurate as how they see themselves will seem to be, it doesn’t reflect the truth.

It is an outlook that was formed based on how one or two people, who were likely to be deeply wounded, treated them. For them to change how they see themselves, it will be important for them to no longer see their parent or parents as god-like figures that were perfect.

A Key Part

Deconstructing their view of them and seeing them in a more balanced way, will play a part in them gradually being able to accept that how they were treated by them was a reflection of their own issues. If this doesn’t take place and they continue to maintain an elevated view of them, how they treated them will continue to be seen as a reflection of their worth and lovability.

Along with questioning their view of them and seeing them for who they were, they will have pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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