Early Deprivation: Can Someone Unconsciously Create A Depriving Life If They Experienced Early Deprivation?

There can be the life that someone wants to live and then, there can be the life they have. So, they can want to have a life where they are surrounded by people who value and love them, be in an intimate relationship with someone who also values and loves them, and have a career that is deeply rewarding.

However, when it comes to their own life, they can be surrounded by people who don’t value or love them or have no friends, be single and perhaps have never been in a relationship or be with someone who is unavailable, and do something for a living that is soul-destroying or have been stuck at the same level for many years. Either way, they are likely to often feel angry and frustrated.

One Approach

Over the years, they may have tried a number of things to change their circumstances. If they have, what they have tried might not have worked, or it might have only worked for a short while.

Consequently, they could believe that their life will always be this way and that there isn’t anything that they can do. But, if they have done a lot of the ‘right’ things and nothing has really worked, this is to be expected.

A Closer Look

So, they may have focused on changing their thoughts and what they believe. This may have been a time when they came to see that they didn’t feel worthy or deserving of having what they wanted.

But, changing what was going on in their head won’t have allowed them to have the breakthrough that they desire. Instead, they will have put in a lot of effort, only to stay where they are, or close to it.

One Conclusion

Thanks to what they have been through, they could believe that someone or something ‘out there’ is holding them back. Yet, as they will have changed their inner world and their outer world hasn’t changed, this can be seen as a natural outcome.

If they have changed their inner world and not much has changed, then there must be something externally that is preventing them from living a fulfilling life. Nonetheless, what if what is going on inside them is holding them back but that it is not what is taking place in their mind?

Two Levels

What they will need to keep in mind at this point is that along with their conscious mind or conscious sense of themselves, they also have an unconscious mind. When it comes to this other part of them, it will relate to what is taking place in other parts of their brain and body.

Their conscious mind won’t be aware of the material that is held in these other parts of them but this material will still have a big impact. This other part of them can’t have the need to have experiences where they are deprived.

Inner Conflict

Therefore, part of them will want to have experiences where their needs are met but another part of them won't. And, taking into account what their life is generally like, it will be clear that this other, hidden part of them has the greatest impact.

After hearing this, they could wonder why another part of them wants to have experiences where they are deprived. It could seem as if this part of them is their enemy and is doing what it can to undermine them.

Another Angle

Yet, while this may appear to be the case, there is likely to be far more to it. It is likely that this part of them is not trying to undermine them; it is doing what it can to meet needs that were not met during their formative years.

This can seem strange as this stage of their life is over and other people are not their parents, so it is too late for them to meet these needs. This will be true but this part of them has no sense of time and is blind, which is why it will believe that it is still possible to meet these needs.

Back In Time

What this can illustrate is that during their formative years, one or both of their parents were emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

To handle what happened, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their needs. In addition to losing touch with their inner reality, they would have also lost touch with their outer reality.

A Secondary Defence

This would have involved them blocking out the fact that their parents or parents couldn’t give them what they needed and believing that they themselves were the problem. This would have give them a false sense of control and the hope – the false hope - that if they struggled for their love, it would be provided.

Most likely, their parent or parents couldn’t give them what they needed as they had also been deprived during their formative years. Many years will have passed since this stage of their life but the parts of their consciousness that were split off and repressed will be causing them to unconsciously re-create situations where they are deprived, in the hope that they will finally be loved.

Moving Forward

A big part of what will allow them to end this futile struggle for the love that they missed out on will be for them to face and work through the pain that they had to repress all those years ago. This will allow them to integrate the parts of their consciousness that were split off and to truly put their past behind them.
This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.