In general, a lot is said about those who are entitled. When someone is in this position, they can be described as being ‘very entitled’ and expecting the whole world to revolve around them.

From this, it can be as though there are only two options. Either someone is entitled and will behave in a negative manner, or they are not entitled and will behave in a positive manner.

Black And White

Based on this, being entitled will be a bad thing and not being entitled will be a good thing. However, what if it is not black and white? What if there is an unhealthy and healthy sense of entitlement?

When it comes to the latter, it will be what will allow someone to meet their meets. It will provide them with the sense that they deserve to have their needs met and be treated well, for instance.

A Closer Look

At the same time, this doesn’t mean that they will just expect what they want to drop into their lap. No, what it means is that through having the sense that they are entitled to having their needs met, they will do what they need to do to meet them.

As for being treated well, if they are not treated well, they are not going to demand that this changes. What they will do is make it clear when a certain type of behaviour is not acceptable and, if this doesn’t change they will draw the line.

The Other Side

On the other hand, when someone doesn’t have a healthy sense of entitlement, they are not going to believe that they deserve to have their needs met or to be treated well, for instance. Therefore, even if they do take action and don’t simply expect their needs to be met, they are unlikely to get very far.

And, if certain needs are met, they can experience a sense of discomfort as they won’t feel worthy. Consequently, they can both consciously and unconsciously do what they can to change their life back to how it was before.

A Key Element

From this, it is clear how important it is for someone to have a healthy sense of entitlement. Without this, their life will be full of frustration, struggle and misery, and it will be normal for them to be deprived.

Now, after learning about these two types of entitlement, someone could see that they don’t have a healthy sense of deserving. What could stand out is that no matter what they do or contribute, this doesn’t change.

What’s going on?

If this is how their life has been for as long as they can remember, it can show that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when their mother and perhaps their father were emotionally unavailable and out of reach.

Their basic needs might have largely been met but their emotional need would have seldom if ever been met. As a result of this, they would have often been ignored and alone.
Taken To Heart

Moreover, they might have often been put down and even physically harmed. The love, attention and affection that they needed to be able to develop a felt sense of worth and deserving wouldn’t have been provided.

Most likely, their parents had also been deprived during their formative years and simply couldn’t love them. But, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that they were worthless and unlovable and didn’t deserve to have their needs met or to be treated well.

Two Parts

To handle what was going on, in addition to their brain repressing the pain that they were in and a number of their needs, they would have come to believe that if they did what they wanted, they would finally be loved. This would have stopped them from facing up to the fact that they were helpless and given them a false sense of hope.

What this would have done is set them up from a very young age to be a human doing. As they hadn’t received what they needed, to know that they have inherent value, their doing will have been a way for them to develop a sense of worth.

No Different

Now that they are an adult, they will still be trying to develop a sense of worth. The truth is that they have inherent worth and are worthy of having their needs met.

For them to know this at the core of their being, they are likely to have beliefs to question and pain to face and work through. This will take courage, patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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