What someone may see, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they have been with a number of people who more or less showered them with love, practically as soon as they met them, and then, before long, they changed. It would then have been as though they were the centre of the other person’s world at one point in time and at another, they were a mere afterthought.

But, if the other person didn’t fade away after being a big part of their life, they might have gone from being very warm to being very cold. If they were in one season, then, they would have soon ended up in another.

A Strange Scenario

When they think about how this area of their life has been on a number of occasions, they could struggle to understand what is going on. They are likely to have a strong need to meet someone who is not only interested in them at the beginning but stays that way as time passes.

However, thanks to the experiences that they have had, they might not want to date another person right now. But, if they have been forgotten about and mistreated by people who showed them a lot of interest in the beginning, this is to be expected.

Full of Doubt

What can enter their mind is that if someone does show interest in the future, they might not be able to accept that it is genuine. A big part of them can believe that if another person does show them interest it’s because they are trying to manipulate them.

Due to this, they can have a strong need to put this area of their life to one side and focus on other areas. At this time, it will be important for them to be kind and compassionate to themselves.

The Same Experience

After a while, they could feel a need to start dating again and they could meet someone who is very interested in them. This person can send them a lot of messages, call them a lot, want to spend a lot of time with them and send them a lot of gifts, for instance.

Yet, as they have been through this before, a big part of them could feel as though something isn’t right and that things are moving too fast. They could also think about how the other person doesn’t really know them but they are acting as if they have known them for ages.

A Big Red Flag

Thanks to what is going on for them, they could soon put the brakes on and cut their ties with the other person. Still, it might take a while before the other person is able to accept their decision and keep their distance.

After having been in this position on a number of occasions, they could wonder what is going on. Part of them might believe that they are a powerless victim, while another part of them might not be able to accept this.

A Closer Look

If they were to connect with how they feel, they could find that they feel invisible, ignored, worthless and unlovable. Along with this, they could see that a big part of them is desperate to be seen, heard, valued, loved and receive affection.

Therefore, when they meet someone who showers them with their time, attention and affection, it is naturally going to be very appealing to them. As a result of how empty they feel, getting to know someone and seeing if they are a good match will have typically been the last thing on their mind.

What going on?

At this stage, they could wonder why they are this way and why they don’t feel like a whole and complete human being. What this can illustrate is that their early years were a time when their mother and/or father were emotionally unavailable and unable to provide them with the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Consequently, they would have rarely if ever been seen and heard, with them often feeling ignored, invisible, worthless, rejected, unwanted and unloved. This would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them.

One option

To handle being deprived and the pain that this caused them, a number of their development needs and the pain they were in would have been repressed by their brain. If they were not powerless and totally dependent, they would have been able to change what was going on or to find another family.

Furthermore, as they were egocentric, they would have personalised what took place. It was then not that their mother and/or father were unable to give them what they needed; it was that they were worthless and unlovable.

The Outcome

Now, many, many years will have passed since that stage of their life but they will have unknowingly been trying to meet their unmet development needs. But, as this stage of their life is over, not to mention that another person is not their mother or father, it is too late for them to meet these needs.

So, when they meet someone and this person is warm, it will give this other part of them the hope that they will finally receive what they missed out on, and, when this person is cold, they will feel how they felt all those years ago. For them to put this stage of their life behind them, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis cover all aspects of human transformation; including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, six hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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