After getting to the stage where they can see that they are typically only appreciated for their looks, they could end up coming to see that this is largely due to how they present themselves. Although they will have many different sides to them, they might have primarily focused on one side.

Due to this, it could be normal for them to receive attention and compliments from the opposite and the same sex. Furthermore, they might be used to having people throw themselves at them and have no trouble finding someone to date or sleep with.

By Design

Therefore, even if they would receive attention and compliments if they presented themselves differently, it wouldn’t be the same. For however long, though, they might have believed that they were not playing a part in what was going on.

As a result of this, they might have simply seen themselves as extremely desirable. But, while being this way will have served them before, they could be at the stage where they want other parts of themselves to be appreciated.

Another Part

Additionally, they might want to be in a relationship where they are seen as a whole human being. As opposed to being with someone who only appreciates them for how they look and perhaps how good they are in the bedroom, they will want more.

And, if they were to look back on their life, they could find that most if not all of the people that they have been with didn’t treat them like a whole human being. So, their feelings and a number of their needs might have typically been overlooked.


Still, this doesn’t mean that they will just be able to change how they see life, their behaviour, how they dress, and communicate, for instance. They could also find that a lot of their energy and focus is still directed towards them being desirable.

There is also a chance that they will need to change what they do for a living. Yet, if they have been this way for a long time, it is to be expected that they won’t just be able to change overnight.

Inner Conflict

If they were to imagine that they were no longer the same person, they could end up experiencing tension. And, if they were to go deeper, they could experience anxiety and fear, and then feel rejected and abandoned.

From this, it will be clear that, to one part of them, changing how they experience life is seen as something that is positive, but, to another part of them, it isn’t. To this part of them, it is seen as something that will have a negative effect on them.

A natural outcome

Naturally, as it is seen as something that is negative, it is to be expected that there will be resistance. Furthermore, if they have been this way for a very long time, this will also show that it is playing an important part in them being able to function.

At this stage, they could wonder why behaving in a way that is not truly serving them causes them to feel so uncomfortable. If they were to explore what took place during their formative years, they are likely to find out why they are this way.

Back In Time

Throughout this period of their life, their parent or parents might not have been able to be there for them emotionally. This would have caused them to be deprived of the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Instead of being able to develop a felt sense of worth and lovability; they would have seen themselves as worthless and unlovable. This would have been a consequence of them being egocentric and thus, personalising how they were treated.

The Truth

In reality, this parent or their parents were most likely deeply wounded themselves. It was then not that they were not loved because they were worthless and unlovable; it was because their parent or parents were unable to love them.

To handle what was going on, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs. What would have replaced the connection that they had with themselves would have been a disconnected false self.

The next Phase

The years would then have passed but the needs that were not met during this stage of their life wouldn’t have disappeared. No, these needs would have given them a strong need to be seen as desirable.

Ergo, without being aware of it, their repressed need to be loved would have been transformed into a need to be desired. But, as they want to be loved by their parent or parents and this stage of their life is now over, it won’t matter how much they are desired or who desires them.

Moving On

To use an analogy; it will be as if they are hungry and are trying to feel full by eating plastic food. Not only won’t this food have any nutritional value but it won’t be real food.

For them to no longer look for the love that they missed out on as a child and no other person can give them, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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