Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Have A Midlife Crisis?

Now that someone is in their forties or fifties, they could have a deep sense that something is missing. This can mean that certain parts of their life are no longer satisfying, or this could relate to their whole life.

Along with the sense that they are living in the wrong way, they can start to wonder who they are. In a way, it can be as though they were asleep at one point and now they have woken up.

Inner Experience

Thanks to what is going on; in addition to feeling a deep sense of dissatisfaction, they can also experience fear and anxiety. Part of them can worry that they won’t be able to change their life and it will stay this way until their last breath.

Another part of them, on the other hand, can feel extremely restless and need to do something to change their life. To this part, if they don’t do something soon, it will be too late.

The Catalyst

When it comes to why they are this way, it can show that they have recently been through something stressful. So, they might have lost their job, had a breakup, lost a loved one, or had a serious illness.

Before this had taken place, they might have often wondered if life had more to offer and felt dissatisfied, but that might have been it. If so, they might have typically pushed these thoughts out of their mind.

One option

By facing what going on for them and exploring why they feel this way, they can start to connect to their needs and gradually create a life that is in alignment with who they are. The view that they have of themselves can change as time passes, too.

A key part of this process can involve them grieving the loss of the person they were and what they thought they would receive. This will help them to start again and embrace a new life.

Another Direction

Alternatively, they can avoid deeply examining their life and soon come to the conclusion that their life will change once they have achieved “fill-in-the-blank”. They can then direct their time and energy into earning more money, transforming their body and/or starting a new relationship, for instance.

This can be something that more or less consumes them for a number of months, if not years. But, once they have achieved whatever it is that they set out to achieve, they can experience a deep sense of emptiness and feel let down.

Going Around In Circles

At this point, they might believe that they need to achieve something else or a number of things and then, they will finally feel different. Then again, they could believe that no matter what they achieve, their life will never change.

If so, they can feel totally helpless and hopeless. Due to how low they feel, they might even question if they want to continue.

What going on?

The reason that this approach is not working is that, deep down, they can be trying to receive the love that they missed out on as a child. If so, before they fully embraced the sense that something was missing and questioned who they are, they would have been unconsciously driven by this need.

And, when they partly embraced this, it would have been clear to a small part of them that what they were doing wasn’t working. Once they come up with a new goal or a number of goals, a big part of them would have lived in the hope that this time it would be different.

Two Parts

But, as this stage of their life is over, it won’t matter what they do, so no matter what they achieve or attain, they will experience a sense of emptiness and despair afterwards. That’s if, of course, they allow themselves to embrace how they feel.

Additionally, as their need to receive the love that they missed out on as a child will be coming from their wounded child parts and not their adult self, a number of their needs will be overlooked. And, for them to live a fulfilling life, they will need to meet their adult needs.

Back In Time

During their formative years, their parent and/or parents might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. This would have caused them to be greatly deprived and deeply wounded.

To handle the lack of love that was on offer, their brain would have repressed how they felt and a number of their developmental needs. Still, they would have lived in the hope, the false hope, that if they did what their parent or parents wanted, they would be loved.

The outcome

As they were egocentric, they wouldn’t have been able to see that it didn’t matter what they did as their parent or parents couldn’t love them. Experiencing a sense of hope would have also served as a defence that allowed them to keep their feelings and some of their needs at bay.

Many years will have passed since that stage of their life but, their need to be loved by their parent or parents will be driving their behaviour. Now that many years have passed since that stage of their life and they have arrived at the stage where how they are living is not serving them, it will be a lot harder, if not impossible, for them to be driven by a need that wasn’t met for them decades ago.

Moving Forward

By no longer having the same desire and energy to behave in the same way or as much of their life left, it will have become easier for them to face reality. Their unconscious mind can then continue to project the fulfilment of their unmet need to be loved into people, things and places but this illusion won’t be as effective as it was before.

For them to let go of their need to receive the love that they missed out on and live a life that is in alignment with their true self as opposed to their wounded self, they are likely to have pain to face and work through and unmet developmental needs to experience. This will take courage, patience and persistence.

Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.