Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone To Create A Disconnected False Self?

When someone is connected to their body, they will have access to their needs and feelings. By having this connection to themselves, they will be able to freely express who they are and live a life that is worth living.

What will also play a part in them being able to live in this way will be the felt sense of safety and worth that they have. As, if they didn’t feel safe enough to live in this way or worthy of living this way, they wouldn’t be able to consistently express themselves.

Just how it is

However, if it is normal for someone to freely express themselves and their life is in alignment with who they are, they might not realise that they have a felt sense of safety and worth. This can show that they have more or less always been this way.

For them to notice this, then, and even that they are connected to their body, they would probably need to have an experience that shakes them up, so to speak. Yet, even if this were to occur, they could soon return to how they were before and forget about how it was.

A Different Reality

If, on the other hand, someone is not connected to their body and doesn’t have access to a number of their needs and feelings, they won’t be able to freely express who they are and live a life that is worth living. By not having this connection with themselves, they will live on the surface of themselves.

Most likely, they won’t have a felt sense of safety or worth. As, if they did feel safe enough to be in their body and worthy of freely expressing themselves, their life would be different.

The Norm

But, as with the person above, this can just be what is normal, which will stop them from realising what is going on. Once again, this can show that they have more or less always been this way.

So, for them to become aware of what is going on, they would probably need to have an experience that allows them to momentarily reconnect to their body. But, as with the example above, they could soon go back to how they were and forget about what it was like.

Outer Directed

Anyway, by not being rooted in their own body and connected to all of their needs and feelings, they are likely to look towards others to guide them. This can be something that takes place without them being consciously aware of it.

Additionally, they can have the tendency to play a role. This can mean that they will generally come across as easy-going, happy, and as though nothing bothers them, for instance.

A Mask

But, even if they do come across in this way, this is going to be nothing more than a facade. Ultimately, as they won’t be in tune with themselves and will be living a life that is not in alignment with who they are, it won’t be possible for them to be truly happy.

Yet, as they are not in tune with how they feel, they won’t just be deceiving others; they will also be deceiving themselves. Naturally, living in this way is going to take its toll on them.

The Mask Drops

Sooner or later, they might arrive at the point where they can no longer behave in this way and it could get harder for them to maintain the illusion that they are happy. Nonetheless, a big part of them could still have the need to behave in the same way and make out that everything is fine.

If they were to merely think about changing their behaviour and express how they feel, they could feel anxious and fearful. Based on this, it will be as though they can only survive by hiding themselves and playing a role.

A Strange Scenario

At this point, they could wonder what is going on and why it is so difficult for them to be real. What they could find is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

If this is the case, what this may illustrate is that their early years were not very nurturing. This may have been a time when one or both of their parents were unable to truly be there for them and provide them with the love that they needed to grow and develop in the right way.

Back in Time

Due to this, they would have seldom if ever been seen and heard; instead, they would have been forced to adapt to their parent or parent's needs and play a role. If they expressed themselves, they might have been disapproved of, punished, harmed and/or rejected.

Not receiving the attunement and love that they needed would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. To handle the pain that they were in and the lack of love that was on offer, their brain would have repressed how they felt, a number of their needs and parts of themselves.

The Outcome

As a result of this, they would have gradually left their body to avoid the pain they were in and created a disconnected false self. This self will have been outer-directed and dependent on the approval of others in order to feel safe, worthy and loved.

They would have come to believe, as a consequence of being egocentric, that pleasing others was the only way for them to be supported and survive and that there was something inherently wrong with them. To be able to reconnect to themselves and freely express who they are, they are likely to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet developmental needs to experience.

Awareness
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If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.