What can be normal is for someone to be out of touch with how they feel and a number of their needs. By being this way, they are going to neglect themselves and this can mean that they will often feel drained.

So, their need to relax and connect deeply with others can typically be overlooked. But, if they are not aware of what is going on, they won’t be able to see why they often feel washed out.

Living up Top

What this will demonstrate is that their point of awareness is generally going to be in their head, which will prevent them from being in touch with their feelings and a number of their needs. Therefore, if they were to bring their awareness into their body, they might soon have the urge to meet a number of their other needs.

It can seem strange as to how they wouldn’t be aware of the fact that they are overlooking so many of their needs but this can show how long their life has been this way for. Additionally, as their focus is on other things, this will help to stop what is going on hidden from entering their conscious awareness.


Along with spending a lot of time living up top, then, they can spend a lot of time by themselves. Yet, as they don’t feel a strong need to be around others, this is not going to be much of a surprise.

When they are by themselves, they can watch films, play games and/or browse the web. Another way that they could distract themselves is by eating and drinking.

Around Others

If there are people in their life, they are unlikely to have a strong connection with them. These people could be more like associates and they might only talk about surface-level things.

But, as they are only connected to a part of themselves, it is not going to be possible for their relationships to have much depth. Relating at this level can just be what feels comfortable, though.

A Low Place

Every now and then, they could feel very low, empty and agitated. This is likely to be a consequence of how malnourished they are due to not receiving the human contact that they need.

However, they could believe that it’s a sign that they have something wrong with their mind, for instance. The outcome of this is that they could end up being put on medication, that’s if they are not already.

What’s going on?

At one point or another, something could happen that will make them take a closer look at how they experience life. What could send them down this path is a loss, serious illness or a breakup.

They could even have an experience that allows them to momentarily connect to their body, giving them a clear sense of how disconnected they usually are. Either way, this will give them the need to find out why their life is this way.

Back In Time

What this may show is that it wasn’t possible for them to attach to and bond with their parent or parents during their formative. So, practically from the moment they were born, they might have often been left and when they were given attention, it might have largely been misattuned care.

This would have greatly wounded them as they needed to be able to attach and bond with them in order to meet their developmental needs and gradually develop a strong sense of self. One or both of their parents are likely to have been emotionally unavailable as a result of not being able to attach to and bond with their own parent or parents.

One option

To handle what was going on, they would have been forced to go into a shut down, disconnected and collapsed state. As they were powerless and totally dependent, at this stage, they had no other option.

This would have caused them to feel ashamed of their feelings and a number of their needs and to lose touch with them and to create a false self. They might then have been connected to themselves when they were born but they would have been forced to become estranged from themselves as time went by.

More of the Same

After they were an infant and toddler and became a child, it might not have been much different. Yet, even if their parent or parents were emotionally available at this point, it wouldn’t have mattered.

The reason for this is that as they would have been in a shut down state, they wouldn’t have been able to receive the love that was available. If this stage of their life wasn’t any different, they would have just become even more disconnected from themselves to handle living in an environment where they were not seen and heard.

A New Experience

Taking all this into account, it will take time for them to reconnect to their body and their needs and feelings. They are going to have a lot of pain to face and work through and unmet development needs to experience.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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