Early Deprivation: Can Early Deprivation Cause Someone Believe That Their True Self Is Bad?

What someone may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they tend to hide their needs and how they feel. Along with this, there might also be parts of themselves and interests that they keep hidden.

Due to this, most, if not all, of the people in their life are not going to know who they really are. It then might not matter if they have a few friends or a number of friends as they are likely to often feel disconnected and lonely.

The Norm

What might soon enter their mind is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. If so, they are not going to be able to think of a time when they freely expressed themselves.

After thinking about this, they could believe that it is strange that they are this way. They might even think that there is no reason for them to behave in this way.

A Bizarre Experience

If they were to observe what takes place when they are around another or others, they could find that they play a role. They are then going to say and do things that are not in alignment with their needs or how they feel.

It could be as though someone or something ‘out there’ is in control of them. So, they could typically come across as though everything is fine and they are needless, for instance.

Going Deeper

Now, after experiencing life in this way for however long, they could be sick and tired of living in this way. But, if they believe that what is going on ‘out there’ is the issue, they are not going to be able to do a great deal.

They will just have to tolerate what is going on and to hope that their life changes sooner or later. Nonetheless, what if what is going on ‘out there’ is not what is causing them to behave in this way?

Another Angle

What if what is going on inside them is what is causing them to behave in a way that is not serving them? At this point, they could say that this is not true as they want to freely express themselves.

Still, if they were to imagine that they live a life where they freely express themselves, they might soon become aware of why they live in this way. When they first imagine doing this, they can feel good and relieved.

The Other Side

After a while, though, they can feel anxious and fearful and expect to be rejected and abandoned. If this is what takes place, they can wonder why doing what is right for them would feel so uncomfortable.

As strange as this may seem, if they were to think about what their early years were like, it might soon make complete sense. This may have been a stage of their life that was anything but nurturing.

Back In Time

The reason for this is that their mother and perhaps their father might have been emotionally unavailable and out of reach. Additionally, one or both of them might have been verbally and/or physically abusive.

Not receiving the emotional nutrients that they needed would have greatly deprived and deeply wounded them. Furthermore, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with them.

The Fall Out

To handle what was going on, they would have gradually lost touch with how they felt and a number of their needs and feelings. This would have also involved them disconnected from their body and therefore, their true self, and creating a disconnected and outer-directed false self.

Not only would this have stopped them from being aware of the pain they were in and the needs that wouldn’t be met, but it would have also been a way for them to try to be loved. But, as one or both of their parents couldn’t provide them with what they needed, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did.

The Struggle Continues

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but they will still be trying to receive the love that they missed out on. And, thanks to the meaning that their underdeveloped brain made, they will believe that if they do fully show up, they will be ostracised as they are worthless and unlovable.

As this stage of their life is over, it is too late for them to receive this love and they are not worthless or unlovable. For them to let go of their need to receive the love that they missed out on as a child and know this, at the core of their being, they are likely to have a lot of inner work to do.
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Awareness

If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.