Based on how a man typically comes across, it can be as if he only has a masculine aspect. In other words, he can come across as emotionless, hard and as though nothing fazes him.

And, if he was to come across a man who is emotionally expressive and sensitive, he could criticise him. This could be something that purely takes place inside his own head, or he could vocalise his thoughts.

The Same Position

When it comes to what his friends are like, they could be very similar to what he is like. If so, they could also come across as pretty emotionless, hard and create the impression that very little if anything bothers them.

When he is around one or a few of his friends, they could primarily talk about success, women and what is wrong with the world. They could also talk about how weak and feminine most men are.

Inner State

When it comes to his inner experience, he could often be calm and centred. At other times, he could feel energised, alive and have the need to take action.

He is then seldom going to experience anxiety or fear, or to feel vulnerable, and is more likely to experience anger or rage. He could even believe that only weak men experience fear and anxiety.

A Facade

However, although he might appear to only have a masculine aspect, it doesn’t mean that this is actually the case. He might have simply lost touch with the other side of his nature.

But, as he has been this way for a long time, he won’t realise that there is another part of him that he has lost touch with. In fact, he could be so estranged from this part that if another person was to suggest that he has lost touch with his softer side, he could disregard what they say.

Totally Estranged

What this is likely to illustrate is that he is not consciously aware of the part of himself that he has lost touch with. It is then not that he is consciously choosing to deny reality.

As, if he was aware of this part of himself, he wouldn’t be able to deny its existence. This may show that he has been this way since his formative years, with this being a time when he was deeply wounded.

Back In Time

During this stage of his life, he might have been harmed by his mother or father. Or, he might have been harmed by both of his parents and perhaps others.

Assuming that both of his parents harmed him in different ways, this would have been a time when he didn’t feel safe and was deeply hurt. He might have been physically harmed, verbally put down, and left.


The people that he looked towards to love, protect, and keep him safe, were then the ones who did the opposite. The trouble is that as he was powerless and totally dependent, he wouldn’t have been able to change what was going on externally.

His only option was to disconnect from his feelings and a number of his needs and to shut down. This would have estranged him from a big part of himself but it would have protected him.

The Message

Both directly and indirectly, he would have been told that it wasn’t safe for him to be vulnerable and express how he felt. This would have been seen as something that would cause him to be violated and suffer.

Based on what is was like for him at this stage, it is to be expected that he came to believe, deep down, that it wasn’t safe for him to be himself. If there had been another way for him to deal with what was going on, it would have been different, but there wasn’t.

A False Self

Behind the tough exterior that he has developed, then, is going to be someone who feels very vulnerable and deeply hurt. With this in mind, he is not just going to be able to reconnect to the other part of himself, it will take time.

He is going to be carrying a lot of pain and unmet development needs. Facing this pain and working through it and experiencing these unmet development needs will take courage and patience and persistence.


If a man can relate to this and he is ready to change his life, he may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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