Don’t worry, be happy!

Many of us desire the American dream; having our own home, a white picket fence, a gorgeous wife, 2.5 kids, and plenty of cash in the bank. Sounds great, right? Not exactly. Once this is achieved, now what? Oh, maybe a bigger house or a larger picket fence, more money in the bank and more toys! After all, as the late Malcolm Forbes of Forbes’ magazine once said, “He who dies with the most toys wins.” Wins what? More happiness, more joy and fulfillment? That is precisely the question. Rather than pursuing the media driven concept of the American dream, one that has produced more patients hooked on Prozac and other anti-anxiety drugs, than the fulfillment and happiness it purports, isn’t it time you took control of your own life and start assessing what it really takes to make you happy? Years ago, I also was seduced by this illusory dream. I pursued and achieved “The American Dream”. However after the sudden and shocking illness and subsequent death of my 38 year old wife, I began to meditate on what was really important to me. Death, as you know, has a way of giving clarity to one’s life. I realized that I needed to create my own dreams, my own happiness and my own fulfillment. Along the way I learned three major lessons.
Firstly, buying a house or any other material object for that matter will not make you happy. If that were true all you would need is to buy more homes to be even happier. Having a house is great but being content in whatever place you are is far more important. We purchased a nice house in a very nice neighborhood but we were also interested in a larger house in an even more exclusive area. Sadly, this was not to be. My wife Pam fell ill prior to us making this decision. Looking back, this was a blessing in disguise. Had we moved, our expenses would have been three times as much for a house that was three times more expensive than our current one. We would have had to work much longer to achieve this dream and we would have robbed ourselves of valuable time; one we soon discovered to be a most precious commodity. Soon after, Pam was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer with three months to live! For me, happiness meant being able to connect, communicate, and care for my family. What use is having a bigger house if its occupants are disconnected and depressed? It is much better to be preoccupied with the occupants in the house than to allow the labor of maintaining a bigger house steal our joy. Fortunately, Pam lived for almost 3 years and we were able to make the best of a very bad situation. We took one day at a time, taking advantage of every second, not burdened with undue stress. I learnt a very significant lesson. Sometimes less is more. Less house meant less stress, creating more time to spend with my loved ones. Also, people are more important than properties. At the end of the day, my comfort was in the people around me not in the property I owned. Investing in people far outweighs any other type of investment. I never gave a second thought to not owning “The bigger house” but I gave much thought to being able to care for and enjoy my time spent with Pam.
Secondly, I learnt that making money is good for it allows to you to have more options but being able to truly enjoy the money you earn is far more essential. Like most people, we had dreams and plans for retirement. We worked hard and we put money away regularly. Unfortunately, our plans changed when Pam fell ill. As I look back however, we were more fortunate than most. We both enjoyed traveling and seeing the world. We also loved adventure, great food, and life in general. We were self-employed and took advantage of that privilege by scheduling in regular vacations. We went to many parts of the USA and Europe and spent much time with family and close friends. By doing this, we were able to look back with pleasurable memories rather than regret. Though the cancer diagnosis broke my heart I would have been even more heartbroken had we failed to enjoy the money we earned. The lesson for me is simply this- do not leave till tomorrow what you can do today. Do not trade your happiness for an uncertain tomorrow. Be prudent but live well today and let tomorrow take care of its own needs.
Lastly, do not worry about the future, focus your energy on today. Your actions today will become your reality tomorrow. After working for a major financial services company for a number of years, I had a desire to be self-employed to start my own agency. This desire became a reality and that reality was going to be more important than I ever realized. When Pam was diagnosed with brain cancer, it was the self-employment that allowed me the time to spend with her as I should have. Had I been working for someone else, I wouldn’t have been able to take all the time off I sorely needed. In addition, as I mentioned earlier, Pam was given a prognosis of three months to live, focusing on each day instead of worrying about the time, the short time, the doctor gave her, allowed me to cope with her impending death. Living in the present always drew me to fulfill its needs, to smell the roses, to laugh, to love, to live, to play, to embrace the day whole-heartedly. I learnt not to focus beyond “The day” for very clearly in our case, tomorrow was not promised. Worries I discovered were negative thoughts of an uncertain future seeking to crowd out the real thoughts of a present reality. Now is real, tomorrow is still an illusion. What makes you happy today? Is it traveling to see more of the world, is it spending more time with your family, is it giving back to others, is it serving in your church or community? Whatever it is that makes you happy, give that your utmost priority. Strive to achieve that happiness every day, count every single day as a gift, a blessing, and an opportunity to be happy. As you consciously take a hold of this new found life style, you will find yourself reciting the tune, “Don’t worry, be happy!!”