In The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Dr. Gary Chapman, the author states that research has found that, while conversing, the average person can only go 17 seconds before interrupting or interjecting their own thoughts. Seventeen seconds!
One could probably make many conclusions from that fact. Here are some that I suspect are true:
1. It says that we are dying to be heard. We can hardly wait for our chance to talk.
2. It says that we prefer talking over listening.
3. It says that the people around us are hungry to have someone give them focused attention.
4. It says that intentionally listening is a powerful way to love another person.
5. It says that if you are a great listener, you will stand out.
If you want to give your partner a meaningful expression of your love this week, listen without interrupting. Don't interject your ideas until the other person is fully finished sharing their thoughts. Ask a few open-ended questions to be sure you understand correctly.
When you listen with intention, it tells the other person, “You matter to me. You are important. You are worth listening to.”
To listening with intention you must quiet your “internal chatter”. To do that, you must concentrate on what you’re hearing, without letting your mind wander to other things, like what you plan to say as soon as the other person stops talking.
If you want greater intimacy and connection in your relationship, surpass the 17-second mark. Give the gift of your undivided attention. Your partner will love you for it.
Carrie Hoffman is a professionally trained Life Coach, specializing in helping couples build and maintain a strong marriage during their busiest parenting years. She provides coaching for couples and has spoken at numerous mothers’ groups since2007. If you enjoyed this article, visit www.EmbraceLifeCoach.com to receive a FREE Special Report “How to Speak so Your Spouse Will Listen” and audio training program “Connecting with Your Spouse on a Whole New Level”. You can also contact Carrie at Info@EmbraceLifeCoach.com for a complimentary consultation if you are curious about relationship coaching.
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