The most common goal for personal improvement is that of a weight loss program to tone and strengthen the body. It is my belief that even if successful, until we heal our anger, the body remains heavy and weak on the inside. Just as you would never paint over rust on your car, you may not want to spend all your energy making your outside look good when inside you may be wasting away.

You may think you’re not an angry person but I am curious what happens when you get cut off while driving your car? What happens when someone you know walks in the room and doesn’t say hello or you go out of your way for someone and they neglect to acknowledge it? Does it really take that much to get us angry? It seems we are always on the verge of anger. It just takes a little poke, a little nudge and it surfaces.

For me, anger is the foundation of the ego. It simply waits for a house to be built on it. Just like a seed has a genetic switch that turns on when the time is right to promote growth, anger is there to serve us. Have you ever been angry when someone is doing better than you? Perhaps someone appears to be in a great relationship or in your opinion they’re physically beautiful. Comparison is of the mind and the mind is always angry when it perceives it is coming up short.

Just look at how it all starts. You’re in the womb happy, warm and safe – no worries and before you know it you’re under a bright light while someone is hitting you. In that painful moment you breathe deep for the first time and start crying. You are no longer safe and secure. Do we ever really get over that? Isn’t it true we look for someone else to be responsible for that cozy place? We want someone to be with us, to hold us so we feel safe, warm, and happy, someone who will make us feel loved again the way we felt within our mother’s womb?

I believe anger is the most suppressed and misunderstood emotion. Of course there are people out there who are crazy enough to fire a loaded gun into a crowd. That’s how much they hate others for making them unimportant. Most of us feel that it’s inappropriate behavior to express anger or lose our tempers. When we do get angry, we instead keep it to ourselves. Confronting the other is far too dangerous and conflict has to be avoided at all costs. Some people simply confront, accuse and attack leaving the battlefield indifferent, closing down their feelings for that person forever. Regardless of how you choose to express anger, a grudge against another can weigh 50 pounds. Just imagine carrying all that accumulated weight around until the day you die.

I believe the main reason we get angry is someone makes us feel that we didn’t matter. Someone cuts us off while we’re driving and we get angry. First we were frightened by their action and second it made us feel invisible. We didn’t matter.
Whatever the situation, take the anger in and follow it down - follow it to the root. Once you can see everything hitting the “you didn’t matter” button a powerful awareness will arise in you. That awareness will teach you that a part of you doesn’t believe you matter unless someone else behaves in a way that makes you feel good. Of course we can’t control how other people behave but this opens our heart to something we never realized before. We are empty of our own self worth. The other person causing your anger is also empty of his or her self worth. That’s usually why people behave immaturely. I believe the definition of immaturity is someone who has not transformed the anger into compassion.

Has anyone ever told you how beautiful anger is? How validating, how healthy, how it leads to deeper intimacy with yourself and others? There is a healthy way to express it and with a little consideration for the other, you can grow incredibly deep with someone by sharing your pain. It seems that everyone spends their life putting on a happy face. How many times has someone told you to get over it or just move on with your life? For me getting over something is like pouring another layer of concrete on myself. Sure, we may forget about that hurt over time but can we stop the reminders? Can we stop recreating that same pain over and over again?

So how do we start healing that place ourselves? How to we start dealing with our anger instead of covering it up by distracting ourselves with people, places and things that make us feel important? I believe it’s easier if you can understand a deeper aspect of why we don’t acknowledge the anger to begin with. I believe it is simply because deep down a part of us doesn’t feel we’re worth loving. A part of us believes there is simply no way we are good enough for anyone to love.

If this weren’t true, it might be easier to offer the other person compassion for their ignorance instead of feeling anger over their behavior. Perhaps our inability to be compassionate is basically our inability to be compassionate with ourselves.
It’s just easier to stay angry than to question why we cannot be compassionate. It’s easy to be indifferent walking away from people in our life who have hurt us. It’s easy to cut people down with our words and somehow the hatred we hold in our hearts works to propel us into our careers or new relationships. We use it as fuel rather than embracing the reality that we don’t believe we were worth loving to begin with. What if that’s true?

In my opinion, this is the root cause of all the world’s violence and hatred for one another. Everyone needing so much to be needed and no one is doing it for anyone. As a result, hatred, anger, jealously and rage, motivate us to our greatness or to utter violence.

I am proposing something different. I am suggesting you make peace with your anger. If someone throws manure on your rose bush, do you quickly run over and remove it? Although the manure smells and looks awful, what happens if we wait and see what the rose bush does with it? I believe it’s a privilege to be angry as it provides the same potential if we choose to absorb it and turn it into something beautiful.

Within all these realizations we discover we are divided within ourselves. A part of us is angry and unworthy and another part is tired of being angry. It’s interesting how we can go to bed and say that we’re going to get up early and exercise. That’s a part of us that wants us to get healthy and strong. But who is it in the morning when we wake up that says go back to bed? What does that part of us want? It’s the same when it comes to our anger. Can we find the part of ourselves that is self-loathing? Maybe if we can first become aware of our own division we can start getting good at knowing who’s talking. The next time someone really gets you angry, sit with it and ask yourself what the root emotion is. Once you see what’s going on inside of you, you have the opportunity to do something about it.

When we are forced into breathing for ourselves for the first time, we are too young to understand the significance. Now, have someone cover your mouth and hold your nose. What need arises in you? The need to be free and the need to breathe! And you can do it for yourself! Although sometimes in life, our ego asks another, “what have you ever done for me?,” there isn't anything anyone can give you that is more important than the ability to breathe for yourself. You don't need anyone to do it for you. Doesn't it feel wonderful to be able to give yourself all you really need?

If the expanse of the Universe feels you are worthy of breath, doesn’t that offer you the greatest compliment? What more validation and love do we need? That should be motivation enough to burn off the weight of anger. When we begin to blossom with inner health, the outer has no choice but to blossom as well.

Author's Bio: 

Kris is a Holistic Lifestyle Coach, PPS Mastery Mentor, Certified Intuitive Consultant and has completed all the educational training offered through the C.H.E.K Institute in California. Her first book, "If Babies did Crunches" is now available on amazon as well as her website .