Vulnerability Is A Gift

People ask our opinions all the time. If you are a leader or manager, you are asked and expected to give honest feedback on performance to your employees and collegues. Providing feedback can make us feel vulnerable.

There is a hidden dynamic that is usually in play. When providing performance feedback, we often focus on the facts of "what happened". In reality, there is often a hidden conversation that involves feelings but is rarely openly discussed (especially in a work setting). Avoidance of this dyanmic can make us feel vulnerable.

Vulnerability can be a gift to yourself and others. We are conditioned to think of it as a negative to be avoided. Here is how Merriam Webster defines it:

Vulnerable: capable of being physically or emotionally wounded; open to attack or damage (www.m-w.com)

There are times that we want to say or do something that we feel is the "right" thing to do and we don't for a variety of reasons:

-- We don't want to hurt another person's feelings
-- We don't want to open ourselves to being criticized or attacked
-- It is easier to do nothing and avoid situations
-- We look for the path of least resistance

"To thine own self be true" may be in conflict with what others want or expect of you, and this can bring feelings of vulnerability. Observe a young child and you can see that they are very free and open with their emotions. What often happens when we feel vulnerable is that we move into fear and protection. This is a learned response.

It often looks like this:

Feel authentic >> feel vulnerable >> go into protection

It can look like this:

Feel authentic >> be vulnerable >> feel the excitement of taking a risk to open yourself >> stay authentic

The key is looking at the intention of what you want to do or say. The most inspiring leaders are the ones that work from their heart. They know their purpose, are clear in what they want to accomplish, hold very high intentions for themselves and others, and continually stay true to these intentions. Their words, actions, feelings, purpose and intentions are all in alignment.

When you are in a situation where you are feeling vulnerable, are you holding the highest intention for yourself and the other person? Sometimes, when we look deeply at the intention, it may really be an impulse that is borne from hurt, bitterness, anger or revenge. It can be easy to formulate a quick response, or rehearse what we are going to say. If you are nervous about providing feedback, this is an excellent clue to pay attention to your intention.

Look inside your heart and ask "What will honor myself and the other person?" This avoids seeking approval from the other person for your actions, keeps you authentic to yourself, and offers a genuine gift to the other person. They will feel the intention that is at the center of your statement or action. You will often find that the other person will rise to the occasion, too. If they can see your intention, it helps them to see the benefits of the conversation and keep it in a positive and productive mode.

This is when vulnerability can be a gift to yourself and others!