Have you ever had someone in your life that on the surface seemed like he/she should be a part of your life but deep down you had a feeling that something was not right? If you answered no, then stop reading this now because your safe little world is just that…safe; but, if you are like most of us, then you answered yes. What was it about that person that produced those uneasy feelings? I’m sure when you really think about it you can come up with a laundry list but I’m going to save you the time by helping you see the answer though this article and a practical eye opening exercise.

Toxic people - those are the people in our lives who drain more from us then they add. You know who I’m talking about, the people who make you: feel angry, feel depressed or tired. Some people have more toxic individuals in their life then others, and it’s important to note that toxic people come in all shapes and sizes and each with their own unique potency. Unfortunately in many cases toxic people are long time friends, co-workers or even family members which make eliminating them from your life seem difficult.

First let’s start with how toxic people get into our lives in the first place. You’re probably not going to like the answer but it’s YOU. That’s right, get up, walk into the bathroom and take a good look in the mirror - what is staring back at your is the #1 source of all those people you secretly and sometimes openly wish and will away. How is that possible you might ask: I’m such a good person, or I’m so good looking, or I’m so this or so that. At the end of the day it really doesn’t matter how you rationalize it so Wake Up - and accept the fact that you are the reason and source for who is in your life and who is not. Follow along and memorialize my simple formula below. You may need to read it over a couple time to truly ‘get it’.


Your Attitude dictates your Behavior which dictates your Habits which = Energy you emit

Energy = Attraction

The kind of energy you emit = the kind of people you attract into your life.

If you emit strong and confident energy then chances are you have a lot of strong and confident people in your life. The strong and confident are not attracted to the weak, it’s how things work. If you emit weak energy then you will attract individuals from weak energy places like: ‘haters’, ‘complainers’, ’takers’, ‘manipulators’, ‘abusers’, ‘addicts’, etc..

Now that you have an idea that you are the source of all your pleasure and misery, let me give you some quick tips on how to empower yourself so you can figure out who in your life should stay and who should go..

This exercise is going to allow you to identify who truly belongs in your life from who does not. Like the formula above, read it over as many times as you need too - to ‘get it’.

Lets start…

Go ahead and think of one questionable person. Maybe it’s a friend you that calls you a lot, or an ex boyfriend you are still in touch with, or a co-worker, who ever it is let them come into your mind and allow yourself to feel the feelings you feel when you are in front of this person.

Now on a clean sheet of paper answer these questions:

1. On a scale of 1 - 100 how good does ___Baily (write name here)___ make me feel when I think of him/her?
2. What are 5 ways ___Baily_____ adds to my life: (list 5)
3. What are 5 ways ___Baily_____ takes away from me: (you can write freely - no one is watching)
For question #2 and #3 I want you to grade each answer based on how strongly you feel using a number between 1 and 20
4. What would my life be like without ___Baily___ ? (be as descriptive as possible - remember, this for you.)
5. Can I live without ___Baily___ ? (yes or no)

Now what I want you to do is add up the numbers you assigned to question #2 and question #3.

An example outcome is:
#2 = 71
#3 = 83

Now add the final numbers from question #2 and #3 together and then divide by two. For this example it would be: 71 + 83 = 124 / 2 = 77

Now compare the computed total of question #2 and #3 with the number you chose for question #1.

Based on this example 77 is how you really and truly feel about ‘Baily’. 60 is how you thought you felt about Baily before taking a closer look. Looks like your real feelings for Baily were higher then expected. That’s a positive outcome.


Anyone who scored over an 80 is probably a keeper.

Between 70 - 80 you may want to think about carefully.

Below 70 in my opinion is toxic.

On a personal note it is my decision to live the life I choose so that means I will only allow people into my life who support me, challenge me in a postive way, and encourage me, not one’s that bring me down. The one’s that try to bring me down get fired quicker then a bad smell flee’s in the breeze. Now do you get it?

If you want to, you can do this exercise for each questionable person in your life.

Remember the only people in your life are the one’s you invite in on some level and allow to stay. If you want to stop attracting what doesn’t work then you need to change your energy to attract what does work. Shifting your energy starts with shifting your perspective. In other words you can’t change other people but you can change yourself and when YOU change, everything around you changes too. Life coaching and NLP are two excellent ways to to get the positive changes you want. Through Life Coaching and NLP you are given the actual key to your mind to open the door of transformation. Imagine what you would do / who you would be if you had no limitations..

Do you want positive and powerful change for yourself? Then if you can find the time, you may want to join me for one of my upcoming workshops in May. Click the links below for more info. Bring a friend; they will appreciate you forever for it. Private coaching and NLP services are always available.

Author's Bio: 

Kamjah is based in South Florida and offers in person and over the phone coaching services, as well as in person and over the phone NLP.

Before dawning the name of "Kamjah", Geoffrey Schmidt and his work had notably been featured in: The Miami Herald, The Sun Sentinel, The New York Times, Newsweek Magazine, South Florida Parenting as well as seen on News Channel 7 Miami, MTV, Fox Sports, Fuzion, and Telemundo.