Fourteen years ago while teaching Leadership Development Training at the University of Houston I became aware of the fact that no matter which leadership schools we sent our leaders the results seemed to be the same. The leaders had a significant impact on about twenty-five percent of the employees. There is a similar size group they had various levels of impact on employees and a very large group where they have no impact.

After spending time researching the writings of Dr. Carl Jung I came up with what I though was the answer. The first group of employees stayed connected to the leader until they were willing to be influenced. The rest of the employees either disconnected from the leader before being influenced or simply never connected. The challenge came in identifying what caused the disconnect and how to reconnect. Again, I felt that Jung had the answers to my questions. While drawing a picture that incorporated his two types and four functions, four pillars rose from the page that supported and identified the solutions for question; “What causes a person to disconnect while communicating and what are the results”.

The psychic energy for Carl Jung was a basic life-force which would manifest itself as needed not concentrating through childhood in various body zones as Freud envisaged. The psychic energy resembled physical energy.

“The psychic energy resembled physical energy” is the statement that intrigued me the most. We can be energized by those people who we connect with, and de-energized by others causing us to disconnect. The question that still haunted me was; “How do I describe what causes a person to connect or disconnect and what are the results?” The rest of this book deals with that very question.

Once the program was developed it needed a sound bite that described the program in one sentence. I turned to a good friend of mine, who was one of the top Public Relations experts in the oil and gas industry. Thank you Judy for the following sound bite; “When communicating with someone, you need to keep them connected long enough to raise the level of trust to a point where they are willing to let you influence them”.

There are people in your life when having a conversation with them both mentally and physically energize you. You stay connected and enjoy the experience. However, there are other people in your life, which could be your spouse, boss, children or friends, when having a conversation with them you are mentally and physically de-energized. Five minutes with these good people and you need to go home and take a nap.

We are different in gender, race, creed, color, and country of origin

We have prejudices, biases and stereotypes which are all nurtured. All children are born into this world free of prejudice toward anyone, doesn’t know how to hate. This is taught by others or the child observes the actions of others which lead to prejudice, and hate.

Carl Jung’s psychology on energies is that which comes to us as nature not nurture. These energies are the core being that exists within each of us from the day we are born and will be the core part of us until we leave this life behind.

In the beginning I was asked by many people; “How do cultural issues play into your theory”? And in the beginning I had no idea until I presented a three-hour workshop on the island of Cypress. The program was presented to a group of 160 people representing twenty-two countries. An attendee from the session commented that this session was the best program she had ever experienced. She stated that her group of about thirty-five people represented twelve different countries. During the first forty-minute exercise of group sharing, she discovered NOT HOW DIFFERENT they were, but HOW MUCH ALIKE they were. She further stated that during the exercise, she was bonding with people that were not only total strangers, but from very diverse backgrounds. Once she discovered what they all had in common, the fact that they had different dress, color of skin, religion, or language was no longer an issue.

Creating Success

Increasing success comes with the knowledge of how to flex or switch back and forth according to what is most fitting.

Successful people have the ability to express themselves differently depending on the situation. Some people intuitively keep people connected to them until they are able to influence. They are able to move to the energy that reflects the other persons energy, thereby, keeping the person connected long enough to raise the level of trust to a point where they are willing to be influenced.

The increased awareness of the different energies, the willingness to flex, adapt and connect significantly increases their chances of success. In our homes and the workplace every situation dictates a different way to connect. What is suitable in one setting is not necessarily suitable in another. It is naïve and counterproductive to imagine we can freely express all of our energies at one time. Certainly we can at times just be ourselves and project our most comfortable energy and at other times adjust how we connect with others. We have all four energies and with a greater awareness of what is required, we can draw forth the part of ourselves that is needed.
It is important at this point to understand that using this information to manipulate others will only lead to anger, disappointment and a lack of trust.

Influence is the single most powerful attribute anyone can possess. It can change politics, foster dreams, guide a child, or create a nation.

It can give hope, share a vision, build a company, and create success.

Influence is the magic of connecting. And when you connect, you can become the outstanding manager who is highly respected by your co-workers who will seek you out for your opinion.
When dining out with a prospective client impress them with your social graces of conversation.

Be the hit of the party by connecting with everyone in the room, while attracting that person you really want to meet.
Become the hero in the eyes of those you love, because you know how they think and feel.

When you influence it’s because you have connected. Connecting is knowing those with whom you wish to relate.

To make a connection:
• The listener must desire to continue to listen
• The listener must retain the information
• The listener must trust you
When someone disconnects from a conversation one or all of these elements will cease to exist, even though the conversation continues.

People are different in fundamental ways. They have different cultures, goals and needs, they think, imagine, perceive, and comprehend differently. Hence, the uniqueness of you and everyone around you.

Awareness of how these differences affect the communication process will change your life and dramatically improve your relationship with your spouse, children, friends and co-workers.
Your ability to understand and relate to others is paramount to all relationships, whether personal or professional.

Author's Bio: 

President/CEO of H & A International, a twenty-six year old company assisting others in the United States, and Europe achieve success and growth.

BA - Psychology and Business, MA - Behavioral Psychology

Author of the internationally successful “ICS-CONNECT” communications program.

“Success” is a word not only attributed to Dick’s ability to help relationships grow and succeed, but is the driving force behind his family coaching. He has been coaching pre-marital and married couples for over twenty-five years and has resulted in less than a 10% divorce rate while the national rate is over 50%.

Dick has also coached hundreds of people going through transition, and families desiring to return harmony and excitement into the family unit. His “Family Unity Through Communications” program has resulted in significant reductions of conflict and substance abuse, and increased school grades, positive attitudes, and understanding.

Over the last two years Dick and his sister have been researching and developing a program that identifies the preferred learning style of each child and the preferred teaching style of each teacher.

Published in twenty-two publications, i.e. Wall Street Journal, Houston Business Journal and the Psychology and Behavioral Sciences.

While teaching at the University of Houston, Division of Continuing Education he received the Instructor of the Year award.

A keynote speaker, and workshop presenter to the top 500 U.S. companies as well as international organizations in Ireland, Scotland, London, Cypress, Mexico, Germany and Spain.